Perfect Ruin (Claudia Tan) [PDF]

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Perfect Ruin By: claudiaoverhere Fandom: bad beth boy claudia drama family figh ng girl good hate jax kickboxing love lust perfect romance shortstory Summary: He wanted to be her savior. But ul mately, she became his ruin. [Prequel to the second book of the Perfect series, Perfect Addic on] Fic type: bad beth boy claudia drama family figh ng girl good hate jax kickboxing love lust perfect romance shortstory Published: 2018-08-26 Last updated: 2018-08-26 Words count: 18082 Chapters count: 24

1. 0. Extended Summary

???????? Copyright of claudiaoverhere No part of this story may be reproduced, stored in retrieval system or transmi ed in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise without prior permission of the author. ???????? FOREWORD "You said you liked storms, So I let you in. Turns out you can only handle a li le rain, And I am a fucking hurricane." ???????? EXTENDEDSUMMARY A er deciding to a end an underground circuit fight at Breaking Point, Sienna Lane thinks she's finally met her match - and it's in the form of Jax 'Deadbeat Deneris'. He's everything that she could ever want. He's devilishly charming, calcula ve and malicious. He's the worst of the worst, one of the damaged, the broken and the damned. He's a mean machine. A rogue flame. An invincible madman.

And rumor has it that he's just found his next vic m to completely ruin. ???????? AUTHOR'SNOTE To the handful of you guys that guessed this was Jax and Sienna's story, kudos to you. It was so hard to keep this a secret for so long, I swear. Now, let me tell you the story behind Perfect Ruin: I was reading the entries for the Perfect series one-shot contest and you wouldn't believe the number of entries I got that were centered around Jax and Sienna. This was a couple I never thought people wanted to write. And surprisingly, the people that wrote these stories did surprisingly well. I was inspired. And then one late night, I started thinking. It would be such a good idea to write a prequel story about Jax and Sienna. I've always wondered how they would have go en together, how they worked as a couple, and how they eventually fell apart. They were such an interes ng dynamic - it made sense that they would be together and it also made sense that they would ruin each other too. So behold, Perfect Ruin. Jax and Sienna's story. Muhahahahaha. Watch me as I'm about to sink ALL OF YOUR SHIPS. ???????? F U N�� F A C T Did you know that the character of Jax Deneris has now appeared on 3/4 books of the Perfect series? Yeah, I have a hard me of le ng him go. ????????

CAST Teresa Palmer as Sienna Lane

Cam Gigandet as Jax 'Deadbeat' Deneris

???????? ORDER 1. Perfect Illusion - Daniel and Alex's story [completed] 1.5 Perfect Ruin - Jax and Sienna's story [ongoing] 2. Perfect Addic on - Kayden and Sienna's story [completed] 3. Perfect Redemp on - Jax and Blaire's story [completed] 4. Perfect Collision - Devin and Riley's story [not posted] ???????? NOTE All novels in the Perfect series can be read as stand alone novels. But it is recommended that you read it in the right order. Perfect Ruin can be read before OR a er Perfect Addic on. You DO NOT have to read this in order to understand Perfect Addic on. This is an op onal read. It can be read separately from the series as well. It is a novella of 20 chapters. ???????? ��

E X T R A�� I N F O Perfect Ruin is a story that is separated into three parts. The reason for this is because as you already know, Jax and Sienna were together for 3 years and therefore, it is almost impossible for me to compress their en re story in just under 20 chapters. So, I will only be wri ng about the significant parts of their rela onship. PART ONE - THE BEGINNING OF THE END PART TWO - CRACKS IN THE�ARMOR PART THREE - CATASTROPHE AWAITING ???????? CHANGES There are a couple of things that I needed to change in Perfect Addic on in order for Perfect Ruin to make sense. There is a significant change that I made that needs to be addressed and it is that Sienna's dad was never an alcoholic. Sienna was just mad at him because he ini ated the divorce with her mom and married his other six wives. ???????? DEDICATION Dedicated to�Magicallycursed�for her rendi on of how Jax met Sienna. I hope my version will be able to live up to yours.� If you want to check out her (winning) one-shot, click here for the link:�h p://w. /2aOeNKg ???????? First chapter commences next week (August 12th)!

Happy reading! With love, Claudia. ????????

2. 0.1 A Le er From Kayden Dear Dia-Hards, By the me you've read this, Claudia has already posted her new book, Perfect Ruin, which as you already know is the story of how Jax and Sienna got together (insert vomit face here). I know, I know, you're probably asking: why didn't I try to convince Claudia not to post this story? A er all, Sienna and I are already endgame. We obviously don't need to know about Jax and Sienna. God knows I don't want to read about their first kiss, their first me...etc. No. It's fucking disgus ng. And I totally feel you. When Claudia first pitched the story idea to me, I was adamant on not le ng her go through with pos ng it. I was convinced that it would taint the rela onship that Sienna and I now have. A er a couple of mental breakdowns, in which Sienna likes to call 'hissy fits', I calmed down and talk it through with the only person that ma ered most: my Lucky. She told me that Claudia wri ng Perfect Ruin wouldn't change anything between us. What Jax and Sienna had was in the past. I was her present and her future and that was already set in stone. Perfect Ruin merely explores how Jax and Sienna came to be, and how eventually they fell apart. It explored how strong he made her, how much they thought they were perfect for each other, and how their love ul mately became ruined. In the end, she made me understand that Perfect Ruin won't affect Perfect Addic on in any way. I s ll got my happy ending with my Lucky. Perfect Ruin is just a novel that merely digs deep into how poisonous their rela onship was and it also gives Jax more depth?about who he came to be and who made him that way.

Honestly, I'm actually interested in that aspect of the book because I s ll hate that son of a bitch's guts and I know Sienna has been begging me to give him another chance. Hopefully, Perfect Ruin will actually make me see him in a more human form, rather than the traitorous beast that I think he is. Yeah, I know he isn't like that anymore since he got his 'redemp on' and all that, but I wasn't there to witness it first hand so I'm s ll gonna hate him. Anyway, as much as I dislike Claudia for pu ng me through his horrible ordeal of having to read the love story of my girlfriend and my worst enemy, but I'll deal. I'll pull through it. Besides, I'm sure it's not that bad. I have faith in Claudia that she'll do their story jus ce. So Dia-hards, don't be scared. Read Perfect Ruin knowing that it won't be a conven onal love story. Read Perfect Ruin and know that regardless of the love Jax and Sienna had for each other, I was the one who ul mately won her over in the end. And that's all that ma ers. To me anyway. x Kayden

3. ~

4. 1. Begin Dedicated to hyrule who loves Jax just as much (maybe even more) than I do �h ps://www.wa pad.com/159302757-bite-?-preview Make sure to leave a comment telling me your thoughts and don't forget to vote! Love you guys so much!

Love, Claudia.

12. ~

13. 9. Unapologe c Boom. � � That's the sound of my heart exploding when Jax 'Deadbeat' Deneris emerges from the shadows, his robe draped over him and across his face. Lights immediately fall upon him, illumina ng his figure but not his face. He keeps his head low, his eyes invisible, as he prowls along the ring. � � Hands reach for him, hands that should be mine, all mine, and I can't keep the jealousy to a slow simmer, it masks my face and wraps around my clenched fists. Braydon looks at me and laughs, then places a hand over my shoulder to keep me from shredding all of those people who dare to touch him. � � "Look at you," she says. "Never thought I would see the day that you'll get possessive over your boyfriend."

� � Boyfriend. Damn, Jax is my boyfriend. It's been a month since we've started actually da ng and I'm s ll not used to the fact that he's my all mine. � � But I love it. � � I love how caring he is towards me?only me. I love that I'm the only one that gets to see that side of him, the angelic part of him, the part of him that coexists with his devil side. And as much I adore the fact that he's sweet and amazing with me, I o en also crave his devilish part of him, the roughness and intensity that comes along with the man who won't stop un l he gets what he wants?and that is his victory. � � "He definitely brings out the worst in you," Braydon jokes. � � "He does," I say, folding my arms across my chest. My eyes never stray from Jax. "But I don't mind."

��

� � "He's changing you, you know," she says. "You're different. Tougher. Stronger." � �� I nod. It's true. The past month, Jax has been training my ass off. Now that I've mastered the beau ful art of punching the living shit out of a punching bag, we've moved onto offenses and defenses. I got to admit, I'm pre y damn good at both. I par cularly love it when we have to role-play and Jax pretends to be the offender and I get to kick his balls when he tries to a ack me. � �� Pre y sure I could hold myself well if I ever get a acked now. Behold, Sienna Lane, the tes cle killer. � � "I'm not only tougher and stronger, babe," I tell Braydon. "I'm bitchier too." � � "Definitely." Braydon snorts. "Speaking of being a bitch, you haven't talked to your sister in three weeks." � � I groan. Fuck, I hate talking about this. Jax hasn't men oned it because he knows that talking about my sister upsets me. But I guess that message hasn't go en to Braydon yet. � �� "That's not true. I only talk to her when I need to." � � She frowns. "She told me she's really sad that you guys aren't talking." � � "It's not my fault that we're not talking. She s ll hates me for da ng Jax." � � "Maybe if you talk to her about it, you'll sort things out." � � I roll my eyes. "You sound like my dad." � � "Again, another person you haven't talked to in a long me," Braydon says. "Damn, are you boyco ng your whole family?" ��

� � "Basically, yeah." I say. "Look, Bray, I could give two shits about Beth. If she wants to talk to me about it, she will. I don't owe her anything." � � It's true and Jax already told me so. He said that I wasn't in the wrong in this situa on and Beth should be the one to be the bigger person and apologize, not me. Why should I? She's the one being pe y in this situa on. � � Braydon lets out a breath. "You are one stubborn bitch, you know that?" � � "I know," I smile at her, teeth gleaming. God damn, Jax is totally rubbing off on me. I'm even star ng to smile like him. "But you s ll love me anyway." � � "Hell yeah I do." She wraps an arm around mine and leans against my shoulder, the both of us unable to tear our eyes off Jax. � � He travels down the pathway that's parted just for him, his eyes scanning the crowd for someone. Me. He glances over to the area where I told him I would be, the VIP sec on along with Braydon and Beth, and when his eyes rest on mine, he casts me a cocky grin. A quick tug of his lips upwards and he already has my heart. � � "God, he's so dreamy," Braydon gushes. "You're so goddamned lucky, Sienna." � � I laugh. "You have Trevor. He's a major catch too." � � "Tell him to grow me some chocolate bars on that flabby stomach of his and then we'll see if he's a major catch or not." � � I don't remember if I replied her, but if I did, my voice has been drowned out by the sea of chants pounding in my ears.

� � Deadbeat. Deadbeat. Deadbeat. Deadbeat. ��

� � The crowd screams his name and my heart pounds in sync to every syllable they u er. They're doing his war cry?bea ng their chests and thrus ng their elbows downwards?and they repeat, again and again and again un l he descends upon the ring. � � I used to think that the war cry was ridiculous. � � And now, I'm doing it alongside with everyone else. � � The chants grow even louder as Jax slips the robe off of him with one sweeping move and li his fists up in the air, gree ng his fans. I scream as loud as I can when he casts a twisted smile to his crowd. The announcer yells something about his opponent, Quen n 'The Execu oner' West, but at this point I don't really care who's going to emerge out of that other side of the ring because I know Jax will fuck with this guy so badly he'll never see the sun again. � � He's been training so hard this en re month with Julian, working out the weak spots of The Execu oner. But Julian says he's no more than a pesky fly that can be rid of easily. Looking at him now as Jax's opponent climbs into the ring, a crooked smile falling upon his lips as he sizes Jax up. He's probably about eighty pounds larger than Jax, but it doesn't ma er because Jax has stealth and speed on his side. � � The bell rings and the both of them a ack. � � West lunges for Jax, but he quickly dodges it and lands a deadly punch on his ribs. West reels back and slams his leg unto Jax's face and he stumbles back a li le, but his expression unfazed, as if he expected it to happen but had let it happen anyway. � � I've seen him do all this too many mes already?Jax likes to make his opponent think that they could win him, and when they start believing that they can, he goes in and crushes those hopes. � � And he does. He ducks when West swings his fist for another sloppy punch and with a roar, quickly tackle him to the ground. With Jax looming

on top of West, He lands hit a er hit a er hit on West's face, chest, ribs. When West tries to get Jax off of him, Jax quickly recovers and kicks out, his foot mee ng with West's jaw, emi ng a sickening crunch.

� � Ooooh! The crowd shares West's pain as he doubles over in pain. � � Jax doesn't stop there. He gets up and gives his opponent another deadly blow to the ribs. No doubt they're broken right now. West cries out in pain and with the last of his effort, he taps out. � � The crowd rejoices. � � "AAAAAND THE WINNER IS THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE ONCE AGAIN UNDEFEATED... JAX 'DEADBEAT' DENERISSSSS!" The announce cries out and the warehouse explodes. He raises Jax's arm, signaling his victory. Jax grins and hollers as well, li ing both arms in the air. � � "Oh my god!" Braydon jumps up and down. "He's going to the finals!" � � "I know!" I share her joy and squeal as well. "I heard that the other finalists can't even compare to Jax. He's going to win the championship without breaking a damn sweat." � � "Yes!" She cries. "That means I can bet all my college savings on him!" � � I laugh and Braydon hugs me, wrapping her arms and embracing me close. I watch as Jax stands on one of the boulders of the ring and pumps his fist up in the air, the happiness pouring out of him. His eyes glaze over the crowd quickly and rest on mine. I smile back and give him two thumbs up. He grins back and mouths get over here! � � "Did he just ask you to..?" Braydon asks and I nod. ��

� � "I'll meet you later for dinner?" � � "Okay!" She nods. "Now go and get your man, Sienna!" � � I laugh and climb out of the area, then weave my way through the crowd. It takes a couple of minutes for me to get to the foot of the ring. Jax hops off the boulder and gives me a hand, helping me up. When I'm in, he li s me with his huge arms and twirls me around, chuckling. I squeal and beg him to stop. � � When he sets me down, his arms never leave my waist. Instead, he ghtens his grip on them. I press my hands on his face to steady him. � � "Congrats," I murmur to him. "Knew you had it in you." � � "Thanks, princess." His thumb slides across my cheek. "Did the fight turn you on?" � � I snort. "God, no." � � "Why the fuck not?" � � "Your face is caked with blood and you almost made a man unconscious." � � "Okay fine," he says. "But...how about this?" � � And then he leans down and crushes his lips with mine. � � I almost combust in his arms as his tongue sweeps across my bo om lip, opening me up to him. The kiss is rough, passionate, intense?just like him. Just like how I wanted it to be. Tongues entwining, I moan his name as he captures my lips ravenously, like he's been dying of thirst and I'm the only one who can bring him back to life. � � He presses himself against me and I can feel exactly how hard I've made him. Maybe it's the adrenaline from the figh ng, or me, or both.

Whichever is the case, I can't wait to help him with it when we get back home tonight. � � The crowd erupts at our kiss. I laugh and pull away from him, but he doesn't let me stray far from him. He cages me with his arm and I rest my head against his shoulder. And as the both of us stare at the infinite sea of people worshipping and cheering at us, and I start to think that Jax is absolutely right?that the world is exactly ours to take. � � And take it we shall. *** "RAISE YOUR BEERS, EVERYONE! TO JAX MOTHERFUCKING DENERIS FOR WINNING THE GODDAMNED CHAMPIONSHIP! MAY EVERYONE TREMBLE WITH FEAR EVERYTIME THEY HEAR THE NAME DEADBEAT!" Adam, one of Jax's cronies, yells to the huge crowd in the bar. Everyone hollers and clink their glasses together, pa ng Jax on the back and screaming congratula ons to him. "I haven't even won yet, fucker!" Jax clinks his glass against Adam's, chuckling. "But we know you will!" He yells back. "Two me-winning champion, bro! I heard the other men who made it to the finals can't even compare to you!" "Damn right they don't!" Another one of his friends tackle Jax from behind, slapping his shoulder. "Fucker right here's going to unleash hell on all of them, am I right?" "Hell yeah I am," Jax grins wickedly and high-fives his so called friends. About half a dozen of them stand together by the bar, taking their turns congratula ng him and knocking their glasses with his. I watch from one of the bar tables afar with Braydon as my boyfriend laughs and shares jokes with them. Although he is the centre of a en on, he seems like he's a million miles away.

His eyes are lost, but he doesn't show that emo on much?not with them. Never with them. Some mes with me, but not that much either. I recognize that emo on all too well; it's been carved deep into my bones since high school. "You look miserable," Braydon says as she takes her seat beside me. She pushes the glass of beer towards me. "You need alcohol." "How the hell did you get beer?" I ask her. She smiles to one of the guys in the far off distance. "One of them bought it for me," she says. "Come on, Si. Drink a li le." "I think I'll pass." I shake my head, then turn my a en on back to Jax. "You should hang out with them." She nods to Jax and his friends. "I'm not going to leave you here alone." "I don't mind if you do. I was actually thinking about unleashing my horrible dance moves on the dance floor." She grins a li le, thrus ng her chest upwards and giving it a jiggle. "Bring all them boys to the yard with my milkshakes." I can't help but snort. "T's not going to be happy." "Come on, you know I'm just joking." She mock punches me on the shoulder. "And don't change the subject. Go talk to them. It's about me you make friends with Jax's friends. You guys have been together for more than a month now. That's a month more than that fuckboy is used to." "Nah, I think I'll pass. His friends aren't exactly my type of people." It's true. I've meet them a handful of mes in the past couple of weeks? some mes when they come to visit UF gym, others on late nights out at this bar that Jax loves.

They cast me friendly smiles but don't make much effort to get to know me that well. Maybe it's because they think I'm just one of Jax's girls?that I'll be gone by the end of the week. But hah, I've definitely proven them wrong. I'm staying?and staying for good. It's them that won't be around for much longer, especially not when I know that they're just s cking around Jax because he's the damn legend of the underground circuit. "What do you mean 'not your type of people'?" Braydon asks, frowning. "They must be alright if Jax is friends with them." "Alright?" I scoff. "Fuck me, Bray. They're so... boring. All they talk about is booze, ge ng laid, and figh ng. That's it." "No offense, Sienna, but you're not the most interes ng person on the planet either," she says, snor ng. "Trust me, I know." "Oh, shut it you." I roll my eyes. "I've tried to hold conversa ons with them, Bray. I really tried. But they always fall flat. And you know how much I hate awkward silences," I tell her, frowning. "And besides, it's not like Jax makes much of an effort to get to know you guys either." "Well..." she says, hesita ng. "You're kind of right. It's usually me that does all the talking whenever we're together. Trevor just shuts up. That li le shit?always throwing me under the bus." "Come on, Jax is not that bad." "I know, babe. But it's just that we have absolutely nothing to talk about. There's only so many damn mes I can ask about the weather." A laugh bubbles out of me. Braydon snorts out a giggle as well. When the laughter dies down, my smile disappears. It's then I realize how weird it is that I can't get my boyfriend and my best friend to get along.

That shouldn't be right at all. "Hey," she says, no cing my apprehension. "I know it sucks that yours and his friends don't run in the same circles. It must feel like you guys are from two different worlds." Funnily enough, Bray's right. Even though Jax and I are both cut from the same cloth, our worlds are not one and the same. "It doesn't ma er anyway," I say, res ng my head on my hand. "I'll get over it." "No, you won't. But you know what will really help you to forget?" "What?" She shoves the beer at my face. "Alcohol. You need it." "Alcohol makes me sick." "Then, why the hell are you at a pub if you're not going to drink?" My gaze falls on Jax. "He likes it here. I just follow." "The Sienna I know doesn't just... follow." "Whatever." "You're such a lovesick puppy," Braydon teases. I cast her a warning glare. "Don't call me that." "Come on! It's cute!" "I don't want to be a lovesick puppy!" I say, groaning. "But you can't help it, can you?" She says. "Jax has got you wrapped around his li le finger."

Urgh. I hate that she's right. But I can't help it. I'm falling for him?hard. Fast. Too fast, maybe, and I should be worried but I'm not. I'm free-falling, plumme ng head first into this rela onship with a man that makes my heart quicken and my body sing and I'm actually okay with that. More than okay. I love his strength and his ferocity and the fire that burns in his eyes. I love the way he moves, glides every me he hits, like it's second nature to him. I love the way he took me into his arms and told me to hold two middle fingers up in the air and told the world to go fuck itself, that I don't owe it anything, that I control my own life and des ny and nobody can tell me otherwise?not my sister, my friends or my parents. "I owe him everything," I merely say. "I hope you can tell apart love from gra tude," she says. "Because they're not the same thing." I roll my eyes. "I'm pre y sure I know that. I'm not an idiot." "Hey," Jax's voice sounds in my ears. Two hands wrap around my waist and a chin rests on my shoulder. Jax plants a quick kiss on my cheek. "What are you girls talking about?" "You." Braydon winks. "Really?" Jax releases his hold on me and slides into the seat opposite from mine. The curiosity in his eyes glimmer. "I hope it's about how ridiculously hot I was in that ring tonight. Because I packed in a lot more muscle just for you, princess." He winks at me. "Really? I couldn't see any difference," I say. "Oh wait, I have. Are you sure it's muscle? Or is it fat? Because I'm pre y sure your stomach got a bit bulgy a er the endless amount of tacos you've been ea ng lately..." Jax merely smirks. "You live to tease me, do you, princess?"

"Hell yeah," I say, grinning. "Admit it, you love it." "What can I say? I just love a girl who spews insults at me on a daily basis. Does wonders to my ego." "Your ego is in serious need of defla on. I'm just helping with that." "I don't think you're doing much, princess. I'm s ll as arrogant and cocky as ever." "I guess I s ll got a lot of work to do, then." "I hope you're not going to start tonight," he says, ge ng up from his seat and walking towards me. "Because I really want to dance with you and I don't want you to turn me down." I turn to look at Braydon. She grins and gives me the two thumbs up. Jax extends his hand, grinning toothily. "Come on, Sienna. What do you say?" "They're not playing a slow song." "I'll make them play a slow song," he murmurs. "Please?" "Fine. But you be er let me lead." "Of course, princess. I don't expect anything less." A grin forms on my lips and I take Jax's hand. He smiles and cupping his hand in mine, he leads me to the dance floor. The people part for him as if they know who he is. We take the centre spot and he leaves me there for a couple of seconds to tell the DJ what song to play. When Ed Sheeran's Give Me Love starts playing, Jax finds his way back to me and immediately scoops me into his arms. I wound my arms around his

neck and press my chest against his, wan ng to be as close to him than I can ever get with clothes on. "So are you having fun?" I murmur. "With you? Always." "No, I mean with your friends." I nod to the far corner where his friends are hanging out. Some of them are watching us warily. "They seem to worship you." "Well, a lot of people do. But they only see what they want to see. Back when I was just star ng out, I was nobody to them," he says, almost sadly. "And now that I'm somebody, they're bus ng each other's balls just to be my friend. It's fucking pathe c, really." "Then why are you friends with them?" He grins. "A leader always needs followers. I can be as feared and powerful as I want, but if I have no one to stand with me, I'll be nothing." "I'll stand with you. Always." "I know you will, baby," he pulls me closer and my cheek rests against his broad chest. "I know you will." I smile against his chest and let the rest of the slow song do it's work, lulling us slowly. I feel safe in his arms?secure. He's the biggest baddest monster there is out there in the ring, but when he's with me, I'll never have to worry about him hur ng me. But he's s ll rough around the edges. There's s ll darkness swelling inside of him that I want to get rid of. I intend to save him just like how he saved me. There's s ll a lot of layers of him that I have to peel off, but I'm certain once I've reached the last one, he'll be good as new.

When the slow song is over and the DJ starts an upbeat one, Jax presses a light kiss on the square of my lips. "Thank you for dancing with me." "You're welcome." I give his hand a squeeze. "I'll get rid of my friends and then I'll bring you and Braydon straight home," he says, pulling away from me. "Okay." When he's gone, I debate on going back to the table where Braydon's currently hold up at, but I realize she isn't there. Instead, I find her on the dance floor, swirling and moving her hips to the steady beat of the song. She seems to be having a good me by herself so I figured I'd just let her be. Instead, I head to the washroom to freshen up. I turn the corner and walk straight down the hallway. It's horribly lit, but so is the en re pub. As I head towards the sink? A pair of rough hands grab me and drag me to the side. I thrash and scream as loud as I can but his hand clamps on my mouth to muffle my sound. Fear crawls inside of me when the man's lips breathe hot ear beside my ear. "Hello, Sienna," Damien Wellington sneers. "Told you I'll be back." *** A/N: Ooooh. I wonder what's gonna happen next? If you forgot who Damien is, it's the guy who Sienna provoked in Chapter one (: SO WILL WE SEE SOME ASS KICKING IN THE NEXT CHAPTER? PROBABLY. HEHEHE. I guess ya'll have to find out soon! ANYWAYSSSSS!

I promised that I'll be announcing my Christmas gi to you guys a er this chapter and so here it is! Remember last year I did a Perfect Christmas short story with DALEX, KAYNA, CIMON and BREVANS for the Mistletoe & Mischief anthology? Yeah, well, THIS YEAR: I'M GONNA BE WRITING A PERFECT CHRISTMAS STORY (2016 EDITION/2.0)!!!!

Unlike last year, it's not going to consist of only one chapter. In fact, it's going to be about ten chapters - a chapter from mul ple POVs from the Perfect series cast! PLUS, WE HAVE A NEW COUPLE THAT'S GONNA BE JOINING THE SQUAD THIS YEAR - it's JAX AND BLAIRE! I won't tell you guys the blurb yet, nor will I disclose anymore details regarding this ten-chapter story now. Cover reveal of the story will be out on the Dia-Hards Facebook page some me this weekend! And the summary will be out on the 2ND DECEMBER, along with the new Perfect Ruin update! Make sure you add the book to your libraries so you'll be able to receive updates! So make sure you stay tuned! It's gonna be AMAZEBALLS, I promise you guys this.

Love ya, bitches. Claudia.

14. 10. No Mercy "Let. Me. Go." � � I struggle against Damien as he pulls me out of the pub through the back exit. I a empt to wrestle myself off of him, but his grip on me was iron strong. Fuck him, I curse at him mentally. Fuck him and his strong arms.

� � "Not un l I'm done with you," he spits at me. � � He throws me down on the gravel and I land with a loud thud. When I scramble back up, I realize I'm surrounded by men, some of them whom I recognize from the night when Damien tried to have a go at me, but they pulled him back. Now, they're caging me in, Damien in the middle, his smirk so huge that it looks like it's about to break his face.

� � And if that smirk doesn't, I will, I think to myself as I glare daggers at him. � � "I'll call the cops on you," I growl at him, fishing for my phone in my pocket but start to panic when I realize it's not there. When I look back up, I see Damien dangling my phone from his hand. � � He casts me another smirk and flings the device behind him. I cringe when I hear the sickening crunch of my phone plumme ng to the ground. � � I groan. "Come on, man. That was expensive." � � "Fuck the phone," he hisses, stepping closer towards me. His eyes look mad?mad with rage. And I'm pre y sure me and Jax put it there the moment we pissed him off during the prelims. "You embarrassed me a er the prelims. Everyone saw it. I can't even be taken seriously anymore." � � "And that's my fault? All I did was called you out on your stupid lies." I snort. "God, you're so pe y. Holding grudges over something as small as that. Your followers must be so proud." I smile at some of them. They

sneer back at me. Come on, I was just trying to be nice. "Is this what you do on a daily basis? Try to bully and scare girls who dare to ques on you?" � � "Pre y much, yeah." He shrugs. "Only you seem to be the most annoying one of them all." � � "Yeah, I get that a lot," I say. "Look, bro. You got some serious issues. My advice? See a therapist. Nothing beats having to talk things over with a complete stranger. You know, get them feelings out. I'm guessing you've been holding it in for so long now, shoving them deep inside of you, like your balls." � � "Careful now, girl," he sneers. � � "Or what?" I say out of annoyance. "You're going to kill me? Oh, dear. Please spare me! I'm so scared of you I'm prac cally shi ng myself now!" � � "You should be," he says and takes out a knife from his pocket, then poin ng it right at my neck. I s ffen and see the sa sfac on of my fear climb up Damien's face. "Or I will carve out your fucking face and give it to Jax as a gi ." � � "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I demand. "Why are you doing this?" � � "Revenge," he sneers. � � "It was one month ago. Get the fuck over it," I sneer back at him. "You lost, Damien. Your ego and your championship. Get that in that brainless head of yours, you fucking dipshit." � � "She's right, you know." I breathe a sigh of relief when I hear Jax's voice. Everyone turns to him when he materializes from the back exit, looking bored and annoyed as ever. "You are a fucking dipshit. Even the normal kind of shit is jealous of you." ��

� � Damien quickly grabs me by the neck and whirls me around so that my back is against his chest and he's digging the hilt of his knife right where my vein lies on my neck. He growls as Jax approaches him, confident and bold and brave, like any other night when he emerges from the hallway and into that ring where he belongs. � � "Stay where you are," Damien spits, turning the dagger. I wrestle against him once more but he's too strong. And even if by some miracle I manage to escape his grasp, there's no guarantee he won't plunge that knife through my aorta first. � � "You hurt her and you're a fucking dead man," Jax sneers. � � "I don't want to hurt her. Not unless you give me what I want." � � "I don't bargain with cunts like you." � � "You don't really have a choice, do you?" Damien says, pressing the knife further into my skin. I feel the p prick me. I clench my fists. "There's only one way I'll be respected again and it's only if you forfeit." � � "What?" Both Jax and I say at the same me. � � "Forfeit your place, Deneris," Damien says, sterner this me. "You forfeit, I move on to the finals. Simple as that." � � "Not a fucking chance." Jax almost laughs. � � "Have it your way, then," Damien says, and I feel pain slice me up as the dagger digs further into my skin. I look at Jax with u er panic. What the fuck am I going to do? I'm helpless, fucking helpless?

� � No, I'm not. � � I try to remember what Jax taught me when he was teaching me defense techniques. If your opponent has his arm over your neck from

behind, his arms and upper body are locked, he said. But he's not going to pay a en on to his legs. � � With that in mind, I take a deep breath. I can do this, I reassure myself. I can do this I can do this I? � � -Li my le foot and slam my heel into Damien's shin. � � With a loud cry, he immediately releases me and cla ers to the ground. All hell breaks loose. All of Damien's men get into ac on. Some of them head towards me, others going for Jax, who looks ready as fuck for a good fight. � � I can't pay any a en on to him. My eyes are focused on Damien. Before he can regain his stance again, my fist makes contact with his face. He grunts and tries to shield his face by crossing his arms over it but before I can land another punch, someone yanks on my collar and pulls me back. � � "Bitch," my a acker sneers, spi ng at my face. � � "Yuck. So not moisturizing for my skin," I grunt out, wiping his spit off of me. � � The man howls with anger and aims for my face but I block it easily, exactly like how I blocked Jax's many hits during our training sessions together. Thank god they're finally put into good use, I think to myself. � � I don't see his next hit coming though. He kicks me from the side and I double over with pain. Fuck, that's gonna bruise. I try to get up but he slams his foot down over my back. Fear strikes a chord in me when I try to use my elbows to heave myself up but I'm constantly being pushed down. An excrucia ng sound of pain emits from me and just when I'm about to give up? � � A huge force pushes my a acker off me. When I turn my body over so I'm no longer facing the ground, I see Jax pound his fist on my a acker's

body. A few on his ribs, another on his chest and a quick one to the side of his face, sealing his fate. His head hits the ground, unconscious. � � He's not done yet though. The remaining of Damien's men come a er him. Not one by one like how I imagined it to be. They came all at once, which made it even scarier. But Jax doesn't falter?he never does. � � All at once they came a er him, all at once they fell. � � Hit a er hit a er hit seals their fate, each man's head not touching the ground yet before he goes a er another one. They crumble to the ground like ashes when rubbed between your finger ps?delicate with certain kind of grace. � � "Jax," I breathe. � �� I heave myself up and reach for him but his back is turned towards me. He doesn't hear me. � �� All of Damien's men are on the ground?all except Damien. The man doesn't give up; he stumbles as he stands up, a twisted smile playing on the edge of his lips as he li s his face to look at Jax. � � "Get up," Jax hisses. He grabs a fis ul of Damien's shirt and pulls upwards so that Damien is on eye-level with him. "Get up. You fucking piece of shit." � � Damien merely casts him a crooked grin. He looks red?as if he knows he's going to lose this ba le and he's fully prepared get his face fucked up by Jax. � � "This is for laying a fucking hand on her?" Jax strikes Damien with an uppercut to the jaw. He tumbles to the ground, coughing out blood. Jax isn't even done. "And this is for threatening her?" His fist collide with Damien's cheek. Damien grunts out of pain. "And this?" Jax rams his other fist straight into Damien's chest. I hear the sound of bones cracking and

cringe."?Is for thinking that even for one second, I would ever consider your piece of shit blackmail." � � Jax con nues to torment Damien?with his fists, his elbows, his legs. He leaves Damien no me to recover; every single blow he gives, Damien takes. � � At the rate that Jax is going, he's going to kill him. � � Jax is many things?ruthless, rogue, mean, merciless?but he is not a killer. � � Is he? � � "Jax," I place a hand on Jax's shoulder. "That's enough." � � Jax shrugs my hand away and I take a step back, hurt. He doesn't stop hi ng Damien. I'm star ng to panic. "Jax, please," I beg. "He's going to die." � � "He fucking deserves it." He rams another fist onto Damien's chest. Damien's no longer moving. His eyes are closed and his head falls to the side and he's no longer moving? � � "Jax, stop!" I try to pull him off of Damien but he's too strong for me? too strong?and my heart is slamming so hard against my chest, every beat matching every hit Jax makes, and I can't let him do this, I can't let Jax kill him, no I can't? � � "No mercy," he sneers. "No mercy. Give everything, take nothing?" � � "Jax, please stop!" I kneel down alongside him and press my hand against his cheek, pleading him. "You're going to kill him!" � � He ignores me. "No mercy, give everything, take nothing?" � � "Stop this! Stop this now?"

��

� � "No mercy?" � � "Jax?"

� � "No mercy?" � � "JAX, PLEASE!" I cry out, tears streaming down my eyes. "PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP!" � � Finally, finally, Jax snaps out of it. His fists unclench and he stands up, s ll looking down at the unconscious body. I rise from the ground and cradle his bloody face in my hands, trying to search for answers?for anything familiar?but all I see is hunger. Hunger for that man's blood. � � "Jax..." My voice trails off. "Jax, please?" � � "Get away from me." He whacks my hands away from him and starts stalking away. � � I open my mouth to speak but I hear footsteps approaching the back door. I can't be seen here. And neither can Jax. If we get caught, we'll end up in jail. � � So I run a er Jax, the sound of my shoes hi ng against the ground echo in my ears before I let the nightmarish screams and police sirens come to haunt me. *** � � The en re care ride back was silent, even a er we dropped Braydon off. She no ced that the both of us were caked in bruises and blood, and she knew what had gone on that caused us to turn out like this. But she didn't say anything. � � To be honest, I was relieved that she didn't. I wasn't in the mood to explain everything to her. I made sure to send her a text, saying that I'll tell her everything tomorrow. ��

� � When I was done, I look over at Jax. He hasn't said a word to me ever since we le the pub. He hasn't said anything to explain to me what the fuck did I just witness. He hasn't even defended his ac ons. � � I don't deny that I love watching him fight. But there's a limit?there has to be?to how much pain you can inflict on a person. If there isn't, we'll all go insane. � � And I think I've just witnessed a glimpse of that insanity when I saw Jax bea ng Damien Wellington almost to his death. � � He would have died if I hadn't told Jax to stop. � � He would have died.

� � I'll never forget that. Just like I'll never forget those murmurs... � � No mercy. Take everything. Give nothing. � � What the fuck was that all about? It sounded like a chant?words he lived by everyday. It sounded so twisted, horrible, inhumane; it made my skin crawl and fear to sink deep into my bones. � � I've seen him fight countless of mes in that ring. I've seen him spar with Julian and I've seen him spar with me. Never once have I seen him look like how I saw him when he beat those guys up. � � Barbaric. Vicious. Murderous. � � A savage. � � "Stop the car," I demand. � � Jax turns his head briefly and casts me a puzzled expression. "What?" � � "I said stop the fucking car." ��

� � "We're in the middle of the goddamn road-" � � "Pull over." � � Jax heaves a heavy, annoyed sigh and does as I say. He pulls over on the side of the road and cuts the engine. � �� "Sienna-" He starts off. � � "You almost killed him," I say quietly. "You would have if I didn't fucking tell you to stop?" � � "Jesus Christ," he swears. "Look, can we talk about this tomorrow?" � � "No!" I raise my voice and turn to him, my eyes snapping at his. He holds my gaze and he presses his lips into a thin line. "I don't want to talk about this tomorrow. I want to talk about this now. What the fuck did I see just now, Jax?" � � "I don't know!" He says, clearly exasperated. I really don't think he knows exactly what I'm mad at him about. "You tell me. You were there!" � � "You almost killed a man!" I yell at him. "If I didn't stop you, you would have!" � � "Oh, don't you fucking tell me that Damien didn't deserve it," he scoffs. "He had a knife against your damn throat!" � � "Come on. You and I both know I wasn't in any danger," I tell him. "He was just a desperate ass bitch who wanted to scare you." � � "He threatened what was mine!" He growls. "Mine. You are mine, Sienna. And fuck, I don't care if I'm a possessive son of a bitch when I say that. You belong to me and I belong to you. Simple as that. If someone fucking dares to threaten that, fuck yeah I'll do whatever it takes to make that fucker pay!" � � "Oh and you think you'll do that by killing him?" ��

� � "I wasn't going to kill him?" � � "Really? Because it looked like bloody murder to me!" I scream at him. Jax doesn't seem fazed by it at all. He just stares at me, eyes narrowed. "And it would have been just that if I didn't tell you to stop! How many mes has that happened before, Jax? Have you killed anyone before?" � � "No!" � � "But you've come close to killing haven't you?" I press him further. � � "Sienna?" � � "Answer me." � � "No, I will not." � � "What?" I ask, u erly baffled. � � "I said no, Sienna," Jax says again, harsher this me. "I'm not talking to you about this. I'm not talking to you about anything?" � � "Excuse me?" I'm so taken aback that I just stare at him, mouth gaping open. � � "I don't have to explain everything to you," he snaps at me. � � "You don't?what?" I say, confused. Does he not get how a rela onship works? "I'm your damn girlfriend! I think I deserve to know what the hell is going on?about this, about that stupid chant you did while you were trying to murder him?" � � "No, Sienna." He shakes his head. "Yes, you are my girlfriend but that's some whole other shit I'm sure as hell ready to tell you yet." � � "You can't?you can't just keep me in the dark about this, Jax!" I yell. � ��

� �� He just ignores me and turns the engine of the car on, clearly wan ng to cut this conversa on off. � �� I place my hand on the steering wheel and force him to look at me. "Jax." � � He mu ers something under his breath, something about it not being his real name, which makes me even more confused. � �� "Jax," I say. "Talk to me, please." � � "What is there more to say, Sienna," he sighs. "I'm standing my damn ground about this. I'm not ready to talk to you about what happened. Just leave it alone." � � He doesn't understand, does he? How can I leave it alone if I just witnessed something that my mind can't even comprehend? I need to know?need to know what that chant was all about?what other shit he's done?if he's killed or harmed anyone to that extent outside the ring. I don't know what's up with him, and I have a feeling it's linked to some deep history of his that he's not willing to share with me. � � "Then, tell me, Jax. When are we ever going to talk about this?" I fold my arms across my chest and cock my head sideways. " � � "Fuck, I don't know, okay? But definitely not tonight. My face is all fucked up, I'm red, and I need to get you home," he says. "I'm really not in the damn mood for spilling out my feelings right now." � � "You're not up for spilling out your feelings ever," I say, dropping my head back against the head rest. "I've shared with you everything about me?every aspect of my life. You know every inch of me, inside out. But now... I feel like I don't know even the slightest frac on of you." � � "Nobody ever does."

��

� � "Jax," I say his name, my voice a lot more so er this me. Jax doesn't look at me?he turns into my street and I know that I'm nearing home, but I don't feel like leaving unless this whole issue is over. "Jax, please. You need to tell me what is going on with you." � � "No, Sienna," he says flatly as he pulls over a few blocks away from my house. "Not now." � � I make an irritated sound at the back of my throat. � �� I think I've just about had it with him tonight. I can't believe that I was foolish enough to get into a rela onship with someone I barely even know. I can't believe I'm falling for a man who doesn't trust me enough to even give me a glimpse of the deepest and darkest parts of him. � �� Just when I think I'm making progress with him, he shuts me out again?and this me, I'm not so sure how to pry them open back again. � � "And let me guess: not ever, too?" I say, rolling my eyes. � � "Fuck, I didn't say that?" � � "I think you made that abundantly clear," I say angrily as I get out of the car. "Goodnight, Jax. And don't even think about calling me to apologize about this. Because the only way you can make this be er is if you're truthful with me. Which clearly you aren't and probably won't ever do." � � And I slam his car door shut and stalk back into my house. *** A/N: I literally have no me for gifs in this author's note because I don't have my laptop with me and I'm flying back to U.K. in like an hour???? Ok I know I haven't updated this story for like a month and a half BUT IM BACK BITCHES AND READY TO ROLL AGAIN!

Sorry I've been on a hiatus! I've been really busy with uni stuff and also, I'm kinda working on Bite at the same me which is proven to be super fucking difficult (I'm already at my 10th dra for the first chapter and I s ll can't get it right like w ff) But yeah. That's a rant for another me. SO NOW YOU REALIZE THE CRACKS OF JAX AND SIENNA'S RELATIONSHIP IS GETTING REALLY VISIBLE NOW AND ITS ONLY GONNA GO DOWNHILL FROM HERE! MUAHAHAHHAHAA I hope y'all s ll love me. See y'all next next Friday! Love, Claudia.

15. 11. First I don't talk to Jax for five days. I haven't tried to text him, haven't tried to call him, and even avoided Breaking Point at all costs because I knew he'd be there. Knew he'll be wai ng for me there. Wai ng for me to come back to him. Ever since that night, he's tried to call me at least 49 mes, le 72 messages and 13 voicemails. No ma er how much I try to withhold myself from looking at the texts or listening to the voicemails every me he'd leave on my phone, I always end up breaking and opening them up anyway. Most of them are the same thing. Please call me back, princess. I'm dying over here, baby. You need to call me. Please. Breaking Point isn't the same without you. You don't understand, princess. Please call me. I'll explain it again if I have to. Sienna, please. I miss you. Call me back. There was no I'm sorry or I'll tell you everything, I promise. No, none of that. He's not even going to try to explain what happened to him. He's just going to make me accept that he can't tell me. I sigh out of frustra on. Why can't he tell me? Does he not trust me enough to keep it a secret? Doesn't he know I'll do anything for him? anything at all? His lack of trust hurts me. I'm fully invested in this rela onship; I've given my heart and soul to him, the only thing I hoped was to expect his in

return. I hate that no ma er how many mes he says that I'm his and he's mine... He's never truly mine. The part of him?the part of him that he doesn't want to give up to me? belongs somewhere else, somewhere so far out of reach that even I don't think he knows where it is. I want nothing more than to free him of that darkness, that evil that's clouding him, but if he's not willing to show me that part of him, then really, what's the damn point? Le ng out another sigh, I grab all my things from my desk and shove them into my bag. When the school bell rings, I'm the first one to leave the class. I can't handle Jax today. I can't even afford to think about him today. I got more pressing ma ers to worry about. When I get back home, my heart sinks when I see mom's car parked in the driveway with most of her luggages. I knew the day would come when my mom's plans finally became reality and she was really going through with her trip to Puerto Rico. Apparently, she had a friend over there who would gladly take her in for a couple of months un l she can get on her feet. I s ll don't know why she's going through with this. My hate for her hasn't simmered at all ever since she first announced that she was going to leave us. I always hoped that even though the divorce went through, she would change her mind and stay with us. I didn't care if she wasn't going to be living in the same household with us; at least I knew that she would be in the same country. But fortunately for her and unfortunately for me, she hasn't changed her mind and I highly doubt she would now. When I get out of the car, I slam the door shut and trudge into the house. I'm so angry?and maybe that anger has been partly fueled by the fact that

my boyfriend refuses to tell me what's going on with him?and even though I want nothing more than to say goodbye to my mom, what I want even more is to not say goodbye to her at all. What kind of mom would leave her daughters at the me they need her the most? What kind of mom would travel all across the country to get away from her family? Were we that shi y to her? Was dad that horrible? I mean, sure, he had his bad moments, but can't she get over her differences with him? For me? For Beth? I head over to one of the windows and watch mom silently as she loads the last luggage into the car. Guess not. I don't want to go out there. I don't want her to think that I'm okay with this?okay with le ng her go. When mom's car is all loaded up, she smiles teary-eyed at Beth and opens her arms wide so Beth can hug her. And she does. They embrace for a really long me, with Beth clutching mom's shirt, sobbing. � �� She mouths don't go but mom doesn't say anything. She merely clutches her daughter ght for a couple more seconds, stroke the back of her hair tenderly and kiss her cheek before le ng her go. Dad's wai ng for mom in the car. He's probably taking her to the airport. And it seems like they're about to go right now. I should go outside. I should. I tell myself. It's probably the last chance I'll ever get to see her. No, I hear Jax's voice boom inside my head. She's leaving you. She's abandoning you. Why should you give her another minute of your me?

Going out there to see her will only make you weak. You can't be weak anymore. "Sienna?" I whirl around and come face-to-face with my mom. She's standing in front of me, her eyes gleaming with tears. I fold my arms across my chest and frown. "So, you're really leaving," I say. She nods. "It's happening, baby. It really is." "What me's your flight?" "Midnight," she tells me. "I'll call you when I get to the airport. We can Skype too if you want." I shrug. I pretend I don't care when in actuality, the thought of having to have conversa ons with my mom through a computer repulses me. � �� "Sure. Whatever." My mom sighs. "Sienna," she murmurs, reaching out to touch my shoulder but I jerk away from her before she can make contact. Hurt bleeds from her eyes. "Sienna, you don't have to be like this." "Be like what?" I ask. "I don't know," she says. "Disappointed? Angry? Upset?" I gape at her. "Oh, and I'm not allowed to feel all those feelings?" "No, I mean-" My mom takes in a deep breath to recollect herself. "Yes, you can feel like that, but you need to tell me how I can fix it. I hate that you're looking at me like this?with so much hatred. It's scaring me."

"Well, it's not going to be a problem for you to handle anymore. Not when you're going to stop being my mother the minute you get into that car," I spit at her and she winces. I know everything that I say hurts her and to be honest, I'm glad. I'm glad that she's hurt. I want her to feel the pain that she's caused me ever since she made the decision to leave us. "Sienna... I'll never stop being your mother, you have to know that," she murmurs, trying not to let my words faze her. "Look, I know... I know you hate me for doing this. And to be honest, I hate myself for doing it too. But... I have to go. I'm sorry but I do. Your dad and I have had our differences for a long me now, long before we started figh ng. We've been figh ng internal ba les for years now. And the only reason why I stayed put was because of you and Beth. But I'm red of just exis ng. I'm red of pu ng up with your dad - I can't do it anymore. I've always wanted to get out of Boston. Maybe Puerto Rico is the perfect place for me. Maybe it's not. But if I don't take risks, I'll never know for sure. And as for you and Beth, I know you'll do fine without me. I've raised the both of you to be fine, young women. And I know that even fine, young women need their mothers some mes so I need you to know that I'll always be here for you. If you need any motherly advice , I'm just one phone call away. And I'll visit as o en as I can. I'll do everything I can to make sure that you know you're s ll loved by me, Sienna. And I understand if you can't see that now. I understand why you need to hate me right now. And I'm okay with that. Truly. But you also need to understand that I s ll love you. So very much." She casts me a sincere smile, one that causes the crinkles in her eyes to show. And when she presses her hand against my cheek, this me, I don't pull away. I let my mom's touch soothe me, to let her take away the pain that weighs my heart down and carry it on her shoulders instead. "I have to go, baby," she whispers, a sad smile forming on her lips.

I frown, feeling tears pooling in my eyes. You have to be strong, Jax tells me. You have to be strong. Don't show weakness. You don't have me for weakness in your life. I shake my head. As much as I want to stay strong, to be brave that such a huge change is going to fall upon my life, I can't. This is happening too fast and all I want is for my mother to help me through it all, to hug me and kiss my forehead and tell me that everything's alright when in actuality, it's all falling apart at the very seams. My mother opens her arms wide and wraps them around me. I don't push her away. I don't do anything really; I merely let her hug me. That's when it hits me?this might be the last me I'll ever hug my mom for many years to come. With that, I rest my head against her shoulder and cling unto her as hard as possible. A sob tears out of me and she strokes my hair soothingly, whispering, "shhhh, it's okay. I love you. It's okay." When the moment passes and I hear my dad honking, I let go of her and wipe the tears with the back of my sleeve. My mom kisses my cheek again, then my forehead, and smiles at me one last me before turning her back on me and leaving. "Wait," I run over to the door and call out before she can step into the car. She stops at her tracks and turns around. "Can I have a last motherly advice before you go?" She nods. I need to tell her. I need to tell her about what's been going on with Jax. "Something happened between me and Jax. He's keeping a secret from me?something that's really big. And I want him to tell me about it but he doesn't want to," I tell her. "What should I do?"

She merely smiles. "Give him me. The both of you are probably s ll new to the rela onship. Soon enough, when he builds up enough courage and trust to tell you, he'll find the right me to do so." "That's what scares me, mom. What if he doesn't trust me?" "Then, is he really worth keeping around?" She asks. "Goodbye, Sienna." And with that, she slides into the front seat and closes the door. I watch silently as dad slowly pulls out from the carpark and drive off. *** I can't sleep. What I witnessed Jax doing the other night was scary and daun ng, and I know that there's something much more to that. The thing is, I really wish he would tell me about it but I know deep down at mom's right. He obviously has never been in a rela onship before and it probably takes him a while for him to trust people. I've seen him when he's with his friends. There's no trust there and he knows it. He knows that they can easily bolt if they want to. He's never been really a ached to anyone in his life. Maybe that's why I don't know much about him too. I know he's slowly opening up to me and as much as I want him to do it on my terms, I can't rush it. He needs me to trust me. And I don't think he can do that if I'm willing to bolt every me he withholds something from me. I should talk to him. I should. Not only because of this but because I miss him. So much. I don't think I realize how dependent I am on him un l now. I crave his company all the me and I feel hollow when he's not around. He's taught me to be strong and fearless but I can't be strong and fearless without him. At least I don't think so.

"Fuck it," I say and grab my phone. I press dial on his number and wait anxiously for him to answer. I make a gentle reminder to talk in low tones so I don't wake Beth up. "Hello?" I hear Jax's raspy, sexy voice and it immediately slows down my fast-bea ng heart. "Hey, it's me. Are you awake??" I mentally slap myself for saying that. "Okay, yeah stupid ques on. I just woke you up didn't I?" "Yeah." I hear shuffling in the background. "It's fine. I'm fine. Thank god you called me back, princess. I got really worried." "I'm okay, I just?" I don't know how to put everything into words. "Can I see you right now? I know it's late but?" "Sure. Okay," Jax's eager tone makes my lips curve upwards a li le. "I'll come over right now." "I don't think it's a good idea. My dad and Beth are sleeping. We'll make too much noise..." I tell him. � �� Besides, I haven't exactly brought him over to my house while my dad's around because he'll take one look at Jax and completely disown me for da ng him. He isn't exactly the kind of guy you wanna bring to meet your parents. And besides, I'm s ll giving my dad the silent treatment, even now more so a er he prac cally made mom flee the country, and I really don't want to have to explain why a guy?an over eighteen guy I might add? is coming to visit me in the middle of the night. � �� "I can sneak out and come over to your place," I suggest. It's perfect, actually. I've never been to his house before. He's never taken me there once. It would be a good excuse to see it now. Plus, I've always wanted to see how his room looks like. Wait, I forgot he lives with his stepdad and mom. Maybe we can sneak into his room instead? "No. No! Don't come here," he says it adamantly.

"Why not?" � �� He hesitates. "It's just not a good idea." He's hiding another thing from me again. No, Sienna. You can't get angry at him right now. The best thing is talk it through calmly. "We can meet at UF gym," he says. "I have the keys." "Fine. I'll be there." "See you then. Stay safe on the road, princess." When I hang up, I quietly grab all necessary things, get into the car and drive. It usually takes me twenty minutes to get to the gym, but there's so few cars on the road that it takes me half of that me tonight. When I get there, I no ce that the door to the gym is already open?an invite. I get out of my car and saunter straight in. I expect Jax to be hi ng the bags or prac cing, since I know he's so close to the finals and he's gonna need all the me he can spend on workouts, but instead, I find him si ng on the bench we always sit on, his arms res ng on his legs and his hands crossed behind his head. When he hears me, his head li s up and meets me with an expectant smile. "Hey, princess," he says. I nod at him as I make my way towards him. He slides over so I have space on the bench to sit on. When I make myself comfortable beside him and force myself to look his way. His eyes connect with mine and god, his eyes are so blue I know that the second I look into them, I'll be lost for good. "Hey," I croak out. "I missed you. So much," he murmurs, shi ing towards me. He takes my hands in his and looks down at them. "I le you messages. I called you so

many mes?" "I know, Jax. I know. I saw the missed calls. Heard all the voicemails," I tell him, sighing. "And... to be honest, I was angry with you. Very angry with you. It hurt me knowing that you're keeping secrets from me?secrets that could have possibly shaped your life more than I can ever imagine. And watching you almost kill Damien... I can't deny that it scared me. A lot. And I don't like knowing that there's something out there that scares me and I don't know how to fix it." "Princess..." � � � My mother's words echo in the back of my mind. Give him me, give him me, give him me.

� �� I need to do this. I need to do this before I change my mind. "But I get it," I say, sighing. "You don't have to tell me if you're not ready. I'm not going to force you. I know you're new to all this rela onship BS so I'm going to give you me to adjust to it. Just please... please try to let me in. I'm part of your life now. It only makes sense if I get to see it too." He hesitates a li le, and for a li le moment there, I think he's not going to let me. But his shoulder give out and he huffs out a heavy breath and nods. "I'll try." My first thought is that's it? That's all you have to say? But I bite my tongue. No. Rela onship is all about compromise. At least that's what Cosmo tells me?I get really bored when I'm in the toilet, don't judge. � �� And fuck, but that stupid magazine is right. I can't just bolt a er the first hurdle. I can't just give up so easily. I won't be my parents. I will never be my parents. � �� I will fight for this. I will fight un l my last breath. Jax is worth it. So worth it. � ��

� �� Isn't he? So, instead of snapping at him, I decide to take a deep breath to let the anger subside. I offer him a small smile and breathe, "thank you." I know I may not like this?no scratch that, I know I hate this?that I can't know everything about him now, I know my mom's right. Fuck, I hate admi ng that but I know she is. I can't force him to tell me. He needs to do it on his own terms. I don't want to leave him over this. I can't even if I want to. Despite this, I s ll find myself falling for him. Hard. I don't care if there are dark parts of him or parts that he keeps hidden from me. That's more of a challenge for me to heal him and change him. And I will. All I need is me. Jax smiles a li le, grazing his thumbs over the back of my hands. "You're fucking awesome, you know that?" "I know." I wink at him and he chuckles. "Ah, I see that my arrogance is rubbing off on you." "Just a tad bit." I pinch my index finger and thumb together. "God, I missed you. The past three days have been hell without you." "Really?" He scoots closer to me and brushes the hair off my face with one hand, with the other res ng on my waist. "What happened while I was gone?" "Well..." I say, lowering my head. A frown crawls on my face. "My mom le this morning." "Ah, shit. I'm so sorry, princess." He wraps his arms around me and gives me a consoling hug. "I didn't know." "Yeah, well. It was shit. But I'll get over it."

"I know. You always do. You're a tough one. You are." He sieves one of his hands into my hair and grin down at me. "Anything I can do to make you feel be er?" "No. Being here with you makes everything be er," I murmur. "You prac ced today?" He nods. "Me and Julian had another training session. He got beat so he went back early. That's why I have the keys." "You think you can take the championship this year?" "Fuck yeah I can." The hint of arrogance that laces his tone makes me smile. "You know I can. I'm the best and always will be the best. Nobody's gonna take that championship away from me." "I don't doubt that one bit." I tug on his shirt and have the sudden urge to press a kiss on his cheek. So I do. And then, another on his jaw, then on the curve of his shoulder. He shivers when my lips make contact on his skin. "Do you have to go back now?" He whispers against my ear, then bi ng it so ly. I shake my head no. "I can stay." I highly doubt Beth knows I'm gone and even if my dad finds out about it, it's not like he can do anything. "Good. Because I want to show you how much you mean to me." I laugh. "I already know how much I mean to you. You don't have to show me." "But I do. Because I really want to make sure you do so you'll never have to doubt it, ever." Then, Jax pulls me forward presses his lips against mine. The kiss is rough and unapologe c, sending waves of lust and heat crashing through all parts of my body. He clasps my face in his hands and leans

forward more to deepen the kiss, and I respond eagerly and my lips part open for him. When his arms snake around my waist ghter and his playful fingers toy with the hem of my shirt, his skin grazes mine and I'm pre y sure all my nerve endings explode because the lightest of his touches always send my whole body on fire. Next thing I know, Jax is laying me down on the mats and caging me in with his huge body. He sends me another one of his smooth, cocky grins, and descends down on me again. God, his lips are so skilled. So perfect. So perfect I'm pre y sure they're going to be my ruin. Because I'm certain that nobody, nobody can make me feel the way Jax does with his body. And I want nobody else. I don't. I only want him. I want his perfect smiles and his perfect kisses and his perfect body. I want his beau ful arrogance and his naughty smirks and smart mouth?oh, the things he can do with that mouth besides talking back to me. He's everywhere, all at once, peppering sweet agonizing kisses down my throat to my collarbone to the curve of my breasts. Somewhere along the way, I've managed to get him out of his shirt so I can return the favor. My fingers roam all over his body?his shoulder blades, the curve of his back, his chest, his abs. I waste no me to make sure he knows exactly what I'm feeling for him at this moment and for every moment that has ever happened between us since we met. His lips fuse with mine again, this me heavier with need and despera on. He's ge ng me so high?high off of him?and I'm delirious with excitement, with the growing a rac on and lust I have for this man, that I'm more than sure I want to do what I've wanted him to do every since the first me he kissed me in that ring on our first date. I press against his chest lightly and as my eyes connected with his, I gulp nervously as I take off my tank top. Jax sucks in a sharp breath when I remove my bra along with it as well.

"Help me with these," I murmur as I try to wiggle both my pan es and pants down. Jax wraps a hand around my wrist to stop me. He looks at me with urgent cau on. "Princess," he breathes. "What are you doing?" I push forward to kiss him. "I want you." His eyes grow wide. "Are you sure?" I nod. � �� "Sienna." � �� "I do," I say, a li le more harshly. � �� Jax s ll looks hesitant. I pull my hand away from his and this me, he doesn't stop me from ge ng out of the rest of my clothes. A er a bit of struggle with kicking off my pants, he closes his eyes, inhales, and when he opens them again, he helps me out of them. When they're out, he chucks them aside along with the rest of our discarded clothing. � �� "Sienna..." he says, his voice trailing off as I help him out of his pants and underwear. He groans when I press a light kiss on his lower abdomen, so close to the place where I actually really want to kiss him. "Please, think about this?Your mom just le . You're destroyed. You might not be thinking straight?" � �� "It's not about that." Okay, maybe it might be a li le bit about that, but it's not going to stop me from going through with this. Yeah, I'm a tad bit emo onal a er this morning, but god, I just want to feel closeness with someone. With him. Especially with him. � �� I press a small kiss on the square of his lips and murmur, "I'm falling for you, Jax. I don't care about the secrets that you're not willing to tell me. I'm s ll falling for you. And I hope that you are too. And when the me comes that you can be open and honest with me, I'll be the happiest

girl in the world. In the mean me, you have to know I'm open and honest with you too: and the truth is that I want this more than anything. Anything. There's no other person whom I want to do this with." He shakes his head. "You told me you've never done this before." I stop what I'm doing. What does that imply? Does that mean he won't have sex with me because I'm a virgin? Oh my god, he only wants to have sex with experienced girls. Of course he does. Sex with him has to be good. He knows that my inexperience most likely makes me...not. When he no ces my dras c change of expression, he shakes his head. "No, that's not what I mean. You know that's not what I mean. I want to do this with you too. So bad un l I'm coming out of my fucking skin. But you need to be 100% sure about this. You need to be sure that this is exactly what you want, right now, with me." "Yes." I say without hesita on. "Yes, Jax Deneris. I want you to be my first." He closes his eyes, and the noise he makes from the back of his throat is incomprehensible. Then, I quickly add, "But only if you want to be my first." Jax casts me a sincere smile and presses his hand against my cheek, his thumb smoothing over the skin. "Princess, of course I want to be your first. It would be an honor for me to be your first. You are the greatest person that I've ever come across my en re life. I want nothing more than to show you that." � �� Just when I'm unsure of his feelings for me, the certainty in his voice when he says that makes me smile. � �� He's falling for me. He doesn't even need to words. I can hear them with the subtle crack in his voice when he says that. I can feel it when he kisses me again, so er, then harder, then so again?love

and lust and passion entwined together, connec ng both of our bodies together. I can feel it when he looks at me, his eyes burning into mine, nerves and worry creeping into him as he moves against me slowly but skillfully. And I can feel it a erwards when we lay together and he cradles me in his arms, our legs curling together just as our souls are doing the same thing. *** A/N: hey guys sorry for not upda ng for like a month! Hahahahah. But here it is! I miss u guys so much! A lot has been going on in my life right now (some pre y bad) and I'm trying to get a hand on things. I promise I'll try to update more! SO HOW ARE WE FEELING ABOUT JIENNA? GOOD? Not good? THEY HAD SEX YOOOO LOOOOOL. See you guys soon! Love, Claudia.

16. 12. Time Will Tell

"Good morning, princess," Jax murmurs as he presses a kiss on my bare shoulder. We're in a tangled heap together curled up against the mats, using some of our clothes as a makeshi blanket to keep us warm. I groan and clutch Jax's body ghter, using it somewhat like a huge body pillow. "Not yet," I mumble against his chest. "I don't want to wake up yet." His chuckle vibrates through his body. "You have to. We have to go. We really overstayed our welcome." "Julian will understand." "No, he won't," he nudges me. "Come on, princess. Get up. If he finds us here, he's going to kill us?" Suddenly, the front doors are being shoved open and an all too familiar voice yells, "What the fuck-?" Speak of the devil. "Ah, fuck," Jax swears as he scrambles to collect all of our clothing li ered across the gym floor. I'm s ll half-awake, and when Jax chucks my clothes towards me and sends me an apologe c smile, I suddenly realize how naked I am. "Fucking Christ," Julian mu ers when he sees the both of us on the mats. He rolls his eyes and groans. Jax just looks at him cheekily as he a empts to cover his junk with a mini pile of his clothing. "Uh... hey." Jax gives Julian a small wave. "I would say it's not what it looks like but it's actually exactly what it looks like," he says, giving an embarrassed smile.

"You told me no more fucking around in the gym." Hot red anger flashes in Julian's eyes as they dart from me to Jax back to me again. I feel my cheeks hea ng up. I'm hugging my knees together, trying to cover all of my indecent areas. Jax is trying to shield me by standing directly in front of me and across from Julian, but it's not really helping. "I'm not fucking around in the gym! It's different!" "Oh really? Then, what do you call what the both of you did in my gym last night? Working out?" Jax shrugs. "Technically speaking?" Julian groans. "Why do I even bother with you." Then, he turns to me. "So now that he's fucked you, did he give you the it's not you, it's me speech? Or did he give you the I'm not in that place right now for a rela onship speech? Because that one's Oscar-worthy, trust me. I've heard it a thousand mes." "Err... no. He hasn't said anything yet." I cast a wary look at Jax. "And I'm not going to," Jax looks at me when he says that. Then, he glares daggers at Julian. "She's my fucking girlfriend. And she's staying. For good." Julian snorts. "Okay." "I'm serious." "And I pretend to believe you." Julian waves the both of us off. "Whatever. Just get fucking changed. The both of you. People will be rolling in here soon and the both of you sweaty and naked ain't gonna do well for business." "I actually beg to differ. Who wouldn't want to take a look at this?" Jax gestures to his body.

"One more word and I'm considering kicking you the fuck out of here." His trainer gives him the death stare. "You wouldn't. I'm good for business." "But bad for my stress levels," Julian mu ers as he shuffles off to the lockers to put his bags down. When he's out of earshot, Jax finally turns to me. He scratches the back of his neck and sends me an apologe c shrug, "Hey, sorry he ruined our morning." "It's fine. We weren't even supposed to be here in the first place," I say, slipping into my tank top. � �� I push myself up and stand up to slide into my jeans and sneakers. From the corner of my eye, I watch as Jax puts on his pants. I suddenly feel really sad that he's going to be all covered up now because he looks good naked. Like really good. Fuck, now I know what he's packing inside his pants, I'm not sure I'll ever stop thinking about it. Ever. He turns around, giving me a nice view of his naked back. My eyebrows furrow in confusion. Huh. I've seen the scars on his back many mes now, but this me, they're accompanied by bruises. Lots of them. I guess it shouldn't be much of a concern. My boyfriend's a fighter. It's his profession to get beat. Besides, Julian has probably been working him hard these past couple of weeks. That would explain why he has more bruises than usual. A er pu ng on a shirt, Jax faces me again, this me his eyes are filled with worry. "Are you hurt? Are you sore?" "A li le. But I think I'm good," I tell him, smiling. "You were good to me last night." "Of course I was. Fuck, you're so small in my arms I was afraid I'd break you." He rakes his fingers through his hair and takes his seat beside

me."But I'll be damned," he says, clicking his tongue, a hint of a grin fi ng his lips. "Last night was a really awesome night. Thank you for trus ng me." I offer him a so smile and press a kiss on the edge of his lips. "I trust you with everything that I am. And I know you won't break that trust." Jax lip quivers. Hesita on. "Of course," he says, but the words don't quite reach his eyes. I don't want to read much into it. Maybe it's that he's nervous about our rela onship, I tell myself. We took a big step last night. I just need to give him me to get used to it. Clearing my throat, I change the subject. "I'm going to head home and change into some decent clothes. A er school's over, I'll come straight to Breaking Point. I promise." "Good," he says, kissing me goodbye. "Don't stray too long from me, princess." "Never." *** I should have done my hair. I really should have. Because the second Braydon saw me with my a er-sex hair, she immediately started squealing. "Oh my god!" She cries when I enter the cafeteria, completely forge ng the fact that we were in an insanely public place with hundreds of pairs of eyes already trained on us. "Oh my god!" Trevor, who's si ng beside her, turns to look at me too. Unlike his girlfriend, he can't quite seem to figure out what's happening. "What?" His eyes narrow at me. "What's going on?"

Braydon pinches his arm. "She had sex! Sienna had sex!" "Bray!" I glare at her, my head bowing down out of embarrassment as I slide into the empty seat opposite from them. "Can you please lower your voice? Please? I don't want anyone overhearing and spreading rumors about me again. I may hate this shit hole of a place but I s ll want to leave here in peace." "Sorry," Bray says. "I'm just?oh my god. This is such a pivotal moment!" Trevor slings an arm around her girlfriend. "Babe, you didn't even ask her if it was true." "Oh come on. Of course it's true. I mean, look at her." She gestures towards me. "Flushed cheeks. Crazy hair. Weird smile on her face even though she desperately tries to hide it. She got fucked, Trev. She got fucked good." Trevor turns to look at me, his eyes wide and curious. "Is it true? You and Jax really did do it?" Slowly, I nod. Braydon con nues squealing some more. "Knew it!" She cries. "So how does it feel? Losing your V-Card to a sex god? You used protec on right? Or did he pull out? How big was his dick? I heard a few of the girls saying that his dick is like astronomically huge? some even say that it's so big it doesn't even fit a normal-sized v.agina?" "Bray... uh..." I start off. "I would love to tell you about all of this but I really shouldn't." "What?" She shrieks. "Bitch, why not?" "Because what happened was a private thing," I say, trying to reason with her. "It was special but private. And I'd like to keep it that way, at least for a

li le while." Braydon scrunches up her face. Her boyfriend nudges her and offers her a small smile. "Sienna's right, you know. What happened between Jax and her should be kept between the both of them. Unless she feels comfortable telling us. Which is obvious that she's not." Eventually, Braydon sighs. "Fine. But can you at least tell me one thing?" "What?" "Was sex with him as good as all the other girls say it was?" The corners of my lips curve into a knowing grin. "Be er." Braydon sighs dreamily as she rests her head against Trevor's shoulder. "You are so lucky, Sienna. So fucking lucky." "See? It's stuff like that that makes me feel so appreciated and loved by my girlfriend." Trevor says sarcas cally. Braydon laughs. "Who says I appreciate and love you at all?" "Who says I was even talking about you?" Trevor shoots back. "Babe, I'm probably the only girl that's worthy of being your girlfriend. Hoes may come and go but I'm the only one that's willing to stay. That wants to stay," she presses a kiss on his cheek and he blushes. "Even if you have a ny dick." "Hey." "Just kidding," she murmurs but then turns to face me and mouths it's really small accompanied with a hand gesture of her index finger and

thumb pressed together ghtly. A er ge ng the urge to change the subject, I ask, "So, where is Beth?" "Ge ng her lunch," Braydon says, nodding towards the long queue. Sure enough, Beth is standing there, her lips pursed, wai ng to get her food. "Have the both of you made up yet?" "No." I shake my head. To be honest, I'm surprised our fight even lasted this long. I've never had a fight with Beth that lasted more than a day. Usually, either one of us would break and apologize. Most of the me is her. And it's going to change. I'm s ll wai ng for that apology. And unless she does apologize, I'm not talking to her. Sure, call me pe y, but I'm done feeling guilty about my rela onship with Jax. "Come on, really? The both of you are sisters. And my friends," Braydon says. "I hate it when it gets awkward during lunches. And I want us all to hang out together like normal again. Can't the both of you just make up? Please?" "Ask her about it," I merely say, reaching over towards Braydon's lunch and stealing a french fry, then popping it into my mouth. God, last night's ac vi es have le me famished. "Funny, that's exactly what she said to me too." Braydon shrugs. "Ya'll are more stubborn than you'd care to admit." "Oh I know I'm stubborn. But that's not why I'm not apologizing. I'm not apologizing because there's nothing for me to apologize. It's all her, Bray. She s ll hates me for 'stealing Jax away from her'. It's absolutely ridiculous." "She's just heartbroken, that's all," Braydon says, reaching forward to link her fingers with mine. "Can you imagine if you've had a crush on someone for years and your crush just takes one look at your sister and decides that

he wants her instead of you? You'd be devastated too. Sure, she may not see reason behind her being mad at you, but give her me. She'll realize it on her own soon enough." Trevor nods. "Bray's right. And you need to be open to that forgiveness when she chooses to apologize for it." Fuck me, Trevor and Braydon are right. I've been giving her bitch stares and cold shoulders for weeks now. It's not like I've made it easier for Beth to come forward to apologize if she wanted to. Hell, if I were her, I wouldn't even bother trying. And knowing her, she's probably scared to death to approach me a er the way I've treated her. I glance at the both of them and groan. "Ugrh. Why do you guys have to be right?" "Cuz we're awesome, that's why." Braydon li s her hand so that Trevor can high-five it. "And also we've been watching reruns of Dr. Phil. It's really helps a er all the angry sex." I snort. "You guys are weird." "So are you. But the gorgeous, sex god boyfriend of yours helps to give you some brownie points so you can sit with us," Braydon says, winking. A laugh tears out of me. "So, you going to take our advice and talk to her later?" Trevor nods towards Beth's direc on, who's already making her way towards us with her tray. She smiles at both Braydon and Trevor but when her eyes fall on me, the smile immediately disappears from her face. "Maybe." I can only shrug. I will decide to make that choice later. For now, I s ll want to bath in the fairly happy mood that Jax created. "We'll see." ***

The car ride back home was awkward. I had to turn the radio on to drown out the uncomfortable silence that lingered in the air. I glance over at her quickly. She's si ng in the front seat fiddling with her hands. She's just as uncomfortable as I am and it shows. A lot. Her eyebrows are furrowed and her lips part open and close, as if she's thinking whether it's a good decision to speak up or shut up. I sigh and turn away, my eyes directed again to the front of the road. The past few weeks, Beth had insisted on taking the bus in order to avoid me but for some reason, today she needed a ride home. I would have bailed without her, but with Trevor and Braydon's words s ll lurking in my mind, I can't seem to. No ma er how much of a bitch I am, I s ll have a so spot for my sister. Why. When we finally reach back home, I pull over to the side of the road and then turn half of my body towards her, my a en on focused on Beth. "Beth," I start off. "You clearly have something you need to say to me so please save us both the me and trouble and say it now. Before you lose your chance." She stares at me, wide-eyed. It's obvious that she never meant for me to call her out like this. "W-well," she says, looking down at her hands. "Um... I-I've been thinking about what h-happened between us the past few weeks and I-I hate the fact that we let it get this far." "We?" I echo incredulously "You were the one who never wanted to let it go." "I-I know." She nods. "A-and I'm sorry. About everything. I-I just?" She sucks in a deep breath and sighs. "I-I really like Jax, Sienna. And I know that means so li le to you, being that he b-barely even knows me and all that...

but it's the only thing I've been clinging onto for a l-long me. Maybe even m-more a er the whole divorce and mom leaving thing. A-and I know that shouldn't be an excuse as to h-how I reacted when I found out you and Jax were da ng. I k-know I was wrong that day and I'm s-sorry." Slowly, the anger that I've been harboring for my sister the past few weeks is slowly receding. "Y-you were right," she murmurs, her eyes mee ng with mine, regret clouding her irises. "I should have have been h-happy for you. But I was s ll mad with j-jealousy and I was so a-angry I just couldn't push those ffeelings aside for him just yet. But the past few weeks, I-I thought about it a lot and... I'm okay now. With the b-both of you. I-I know it didn't seem like it at first but... I do w-want you to be happy. You're my sister. I w-want nothing more than for you to be happy. And if he m-makes you happy than that's g-great. I'll s-support you no ma er what, you have to k-know that." Her eyes are now pleading mine, hopeful that I can take her apology. I know it took her a lot of willpower to say what she just said. And I know she's sorry about what happened. And I want to believe that she's finally okay with Jax and I being together. And even if she's not, I want to believe that she'll try to be okay about it. "Thank you for that," I whisper to her. "That's all I wanted to hear from you, really. So thank you." "I don't w-want to lose you over this, Sienna." Beth shakes her head. "I ss ll love you." I sigh, then mumble, "I s ll love you too." A small smile appears on her lips. "So a-am I forgiven?" Fuck it. I don't want to lose her too. She may infuriate me at mes, but she's s ll my sister. And I'm red of being angry about her over this. I need to save my anger for worse people than her, a.k.a my father.

"Yes, you're forgiven." Beth makes a squealing sound and launches herself towards my direc on to hug me. My arms ghten around her body and I sigh against her shoulder. "Just don't do that again, okay?" I murmur. "Otherwise I won't be very forgiving the next me around." She nods. "I promise." "Good." I pat on her back and pull away from her. "Come on, let's go in before dad yells at us." "He wouldn't d-dare. Not when he knows you'll f-fight back," Beth says, grabbing her bag from the back seat and slinging it over her shoulder. She smiles down at me, a proud one. "You fight dirty, Sienna. You really do. And I really l-look up to you for that." "Thanks. But I can't take all the credit for it though," I say, shrugging. "Jax helped. A lot." "He's changing you," she notes. "That's good. Maybe you'll make a new man out of him too." For some reason, A frown starts to form on my lips upon hearing her words. "W-what happened? D-did I say something wrong?" She asks. I shake my head. "No, it's nothing. You go in first." "Okay, I'll see you inside," she says, then gets out of the car. When she's gone, I rest my head against the steering wheel, the sudden realiza on hi ng me so hard I'm certain I'll be thinking about it for a long me.

Beth's right. Jax is changing me. He has been ever since the first me I met him. I'm stronger. Wiser. More capable. More confident too. Fearless. And all those quali es help me build myself up un l I'm certain I can't ever be broken again. Not by my parents, not by Beth, not my anyone. � �� And that's more than good. That's amazing. But...god, am I doing the same to him? � �� Have I been changing him for the be er at all? Or am I barely even making a dent? *** A/N: Omg i keep forge ng to update LOL. BUT I REMEMBERED TODAY WOO. Sorry guys! I've been pre y distracted lately, especially with uni and everything. I just needed some me off Wa pad to kind of se le down and calm my mind a bit because the stuff that's been happening with me lately has been very overwhelming and I'm s ll trying to cope with it. (if you read my Valen nes day post in my Raves, Rants and other things then you'll know what's up)

ANYWAYS!Nuff sad talk! I guess you can say this chapter is the start of the downfall for JIENNA, which sucks for all you JIENNA shippers out there but... you know, TOO FUCKING BAD hehehe. See ya guys soon! Stay safe! Love, Claudia.

17. ~

18. 13. Betrayal

Days go by so quickly, it's as if they never exist in the first place. � � � Months fly off the calendar and events along with it?Jax's second championship win (which was very much expected, of course. We celebrated with a bo le of champagne and victory sex), my 18th birthday (very happy about that because I got my first set of boxing gloves from Jax), Beth's 17th birthday (which we celebrated on the roo op of Braydon and Trevor's new apartment) and Jax and my first year anniversary of being together (I s ll can't believe we made it to one year. It's crazy). Most memories were good, bi ersweet, but some were not. My dad got remarried to a wealthy heiress who wears ridiculously frilly skirts on a daily basis and always pronounces my name as See-yah-nah. To be honest, I'm glad that didn't last very long because she decided a er a few months of marriage, she was going to cheat on him with another man (no surprise there because she actually le her husband for my dad). Much to the chagrin of me and my mom, we were quite relieved that that marriage didn't work out. Mom's s ll not en rely over my dad yet despite the fact that they divorced over a year ago, and if anything, I do sympathize with her a lot. She's s ll having a hard me with it, but it seemed as if dad moved on from her really quickly. It just makes my resentment for him grow even more. Apart from that, I'm happy. I'm content with my life. I have two best friends, a sister whom I'm so happy that I've reconciled with, and an amazing boyfriend. He's perfect, absolutely perfect and all the girls who look my way know it too?from those huge eyes you can get lost in to that infamous cocky grin down to that ripped body of his and what's below that... I'm truly a fortunate girl.

It some mes makes me wonder why he's with me in the first place. And he's not only easy on the eyes too, he's the best person that I will ever need? he holds me up so I can be strong, pushes me beyond my limits, and makes sure I never have any regrets in life. Well, apart from the fact that there's this annoying feeling I get some mes when I'm with him. I know why it happens and I can't stop feeling like this even if I wanted to. I keep thinking about the fact that he's s ll keeping secrets from me and every me I try to pry them out of him, he pulls away from me. All the me. I keep telling myself to give him me, to give him some fucking me, but I might be running out of pa ence soon. Ugrh. I wish I could just be like any ra onal girl in my situa on and just be happy about my rela onship, rather than picking on the flaws. I should just focus on the good things, because in the end, that's all that ma ers right? Fuck it. I shouldn't worry about it now. I really shouldn't, Instead, I should be focusing on the more important things in life. Like the scroll that I can't believe I'm holding in my hand right now. Hundreds of red gradua on hats are being flung into the air at this very moment. Cheers and hollers and whistles and hell yeah, we made its erupt all around me, drowning my ears in noise. There's so much movement around me and I'm the only one that's standing there sta c in the field of people. I just can't get over the fact that I'm done with high school. Fucking done. No more pe y drama. No more bullshit teachers. No more bitchy classmates. No more dad.

That's right. My next plan in life is to get myself an apartment and moving out of that damned house. The house of broken marriages and unhappy daughters. I'm not going to stay there any longer. The second I find some place good, I'm going to bolt. And I'm taking Beth with me. I'm just gonna need her to say yes too. I'm not sure if she's going to given the fact that she doesn't feel so strongly against my dad as I do, but I'll try my damnest. She may be a pain in my ass at mes, but I'm not leaving her behind. "Can you believe it?" Braydon jumps on my back and I let out a shriek. She laughs and hops down, then comes around from the back to hug me. She's squeezing me so ght I'm sure she's trying to squeeze the life out of me. "We graduated, Si! We actually graduated!" "I know!" I squeal at her too, but with much less enthusiasm. "It's crazy." "Finally out of this hellhole! And unto the next! College!" She says, laughing while twirling me around. Her long hair is catching the wind, blowing all over her face, and for a second there, she almost looks like that ghost from the Ring. "We're going out to celebrate tonight, right? You, me, Beth and Trev?" I hesitate. I forgot to men on to Braydon that I already made plans with Jax. "Actually..." "Date night with the Sex God, huh? Why don't you bring him along?" "Well..." Our plans sort of included the lack of clothes and the presence of my queen-sized bed. "Oh," My best friend says, the realiza on slowly sinking in. "You guys are totally gonna fuck tonight, aren't you?" "I'm hoping that would eventually happen. Yeah." I laugh alongside with her. "Sorry babe, but a girl has needs, you know?"

"Say no more. We'll hang out another me." She winks at me. From the corner of my eye, I see Trevor and Beth barreling towards us with huge, excited smiles plastered on their faces. Braydon lets out another excited squeal and launches herself at the both of them. Beth waves me over and I nod at her, already making my way towards her when a pair of strong arms curl around my waist. "Hey," my boyfriend murmurs as presses me close against his body, his breath hot against my ear. "Congratula ons." "Thanks. Though I really don't know why I need to congratulated. All I need the past five years was try not to fail." "S ll a great accomplishment anyway." He turns me around and presses a quick kiss on the square of my lips. "You're looking at someone who didn't even finish high school." "Right." God, I wish I could take back what I just said. "Sorry." "It's fine." He pulls me in for an embrace. Ge ng hugs from him is just as sa sfying as ge ng kisses. I feel so loved and comforted. "So, I promised you we were going to celebrate you gradua ng tonight. Got any sugges ons on what we should do?" I bite my lip. More like who we should do. And my top pick is Jax. "I got a few ideas in mind." I purr seduc vely. His eyes widen and his grins wickedly down at me. "Do tell." I look from behind my shoulder. Braydon, Trevor and Beth seem very occupied. I bet we could slip away without them no cing. I weave my fingers with Jax and squeeze his hand, then p toe so I can whisper in his ear, "I think I'd rather just show you." ***

An hour later, the both of us collapse on top of my bed, u erly spent. I roll over and lie my head on top of Jax's sweaty chest, laughing as he tries to catch his breath. He loops an arm around me and uses the back of his hand to caress my shoulder. I love it when he does that. It's the small gestures that make me think that this rela onship is going somewhere and it displaces any doubts I have about him, even if it's for a short while. "Be er than your birthday sex?" He asks, grinning down on me. I nod. I can't keep the smile off my face too. "Be er than my birthday sex." "Good," he says, looking pleased. "That means I'm improving." I shake my head at the ridiculousness of the fact that he actually wants to 'improve' on sex. "You're crazy." "What? Nothing else says congratula ons be er than my dick can." "I think you give your dick too much credit." A look of hurt flashes across his eyes. Ah, I've wounded his ego. "I'm kidding." "You be er hope you are. Or I'm going to show you again exactly how much this dick can make you spiral off the edge." "I think I've had enough of your dick for today." I pat on his chest. "Beth may be out with Trev and Bray but my dad and his bitch fianc� will be coming back soon. Not that I care if he catches you naked in my bed but I'm not in the mood for the amount of screaming that's gonna happen when he does." "Right," he says, placing his hands behind his head. "He really hates my guts, does he?" I nod.I brought Jax over for dinner last week and my dad decided that five minutes of him was more than enough to know that he's all kinds of wrong for his eldest daughter.

And truth be told, I can't agree more. Jax is dangerous for me. He fights in a sport that can get him killed. He's the type of guy whom gets cked off easily and won't hesitate to fuck someone up if it threatens him or anyone close to him (For example, that night with Damien that I wish I could forget). His talent for punching someone in the face and his uncontrollable rage don't go together well when combined. I've seen it before. And it scares me. But I'm determined that he can change. For me. I just need more me. But apart from that, he's sweet and caring. And he loves me. At least I think he does. "Yeah, it's best to steer clear from him, at least for a li le while," I whisper, pressing a small kiss on his abdomen. "I'll get him to warm up to you soon enough." "Honestly, princess. I don't think he ever will." He shrugs, as if it doesn't faze him. And I really think it doesn't. I think he's already accepted that my dad will never like him. "Doesn't it bother you, though?" I ask him. "It bothers me if it bothers you. But you don't really seem to care." "That's because I stopped caring about what he thinks about you and me together." That makes him grin. "Then it's se led." "Hey," I say, rising up from the bed while clutching the sheets. "You know I'd choose you, right? I don't care who stands in the way of us. I'll always choose you." His grin grows wider. I expect him to say the same to me?that he'll put me first, that he'll always put me first?but he stays silent. It's mes like this

that I need reassurance more than ever that this rela onship is going somewhere... that we'd make it. "I'm very fla ered, princess. Thank you." "I love you, Jax," I whisper, leaning down and kissing him on the square of his lips. "I love you." "Same here." When his lips meet with mine again, this me, I don't feel so comforted. My doubts are s ll there, lingering and whirling and refusing to stay put. I try to shake them off and forget about it, at least for a while, but it doesn't work. Not anymore. And the doubts solidify even further when my fingers roam around his back and I feel something that shouldn't even be there. Breaking away from Jax's lips, I pause and whisper, "You're hurt." "What?" He casts me a perplexed look. "No, I'm not." "Yes, you are. Turn around." He sighs and does as I say, turning his back so it's facing me. I gasp when I see that he's been severely bruised. And from the looks of it, these bruises haven't been there for long. They look like they've been inflicted on him since last night. "What the hell..." Jax, no cing that I've gone pale from staring at his bruises, quickly jerks away. "It's nothing. I've been training with Julian a lot lately. You know this season's prelims are just around the corner. That bastard's just been working me up more than usual, that's all. Don't worry about it." A lie. A straight-up lie. I've heard enough of them throughout the last few years to recognize them.

Don't worry, Sienna, mom used to say. It's just a small disagreement with me and your dad, that's all. It's nothing, Sienna. We just had a difference in opinion. This is just what married couples do. It's normal. We're fine, Sienna. Don't worry about it. I open my mouth to confront him. You're lying to me, I want to say. You're fucking lying to me. Those aren't bruises that you've go en from training. Those are bruises that you've go en from a fight. A fight you didn't win. The words are at the p of my tongue and I want to say them, I want to... But I don't. Why? "Okay," I murmur instead. "I believe you." What the fuck, Sienna? "Speaking of training," he says, brushing the sheets aside and li ing himself up into a si ng posi on so he can place his legs on the ground. "I go a go. I should probably do some strength work today. You want to come with? Maybe if Julian sees you giving your all tonight, he'll give you that trainer job that you want." I've been trying to get Julian to give me a job in the gym for a couple of months now. I've been doing a lot of training with Jax and Julian a er school and I know I'm ge ng good. And it'll be be er if I can put these skills to my advantage. I know UF gym's been short on staff and I know I'll be a good trainer, if he'd just give me a chance. It'll probably be good for me too; college tui on fees are going to be a bitch to pay and I need to

bring in some money to help with that. That and the fact that I'll need to pay rent too if I manage to get my own place soon. Jax is right. I should follow him to the gym any chance I can get so that I can show Julian that I'm really serious about taking the trainer job. But a er seeing the bruises on Jax's back and knowing that he lied to me about where they came from, I'm not really in the mood to give it my all in the gym today. "No thanks." I shake my head. "You sure?" He says, standing up and grabbing his clothes from the floor to slip into. "Yeah." I nod. "You go ahead." Jax doesn't seem convinced. He places both of his hands on the ma ress and looks down at me, worried. "If it's about the bruises... I'll tell Julian to go easy on me if it makes you feel any be er." Another lie. "Okay." "See you later, princess." He steals a quick kiss from my lips and leaves me alone in my room, feeling very unse led about the shitstorm that is about to head straight for us. *** My mind is s ll reeling from the fact that I didn't confront Jax about his lies. Why didn't I do it? Fuck me, why? It doesn't make any sense. My boyfriend's lying to me and I choose not to do anything about it. It's so unlike me at all.

Braydon would be ashamed of me. My mother would be ashamed of me. God, I'm due for another phone call from her soon. What am I going to say to her when she asks how are things going with me and Jax? I can't pretend and say that everything's fine. Because it's not. From an outsider's point of view, it looks like we're a perfect couple, but I'm now star ng to think that it's far from that. Jax has secrets. Huge ones. And the most painful thing is that he doesn't trust me about it. And maybe I don't want to say anything because I'm afraid of how he'd react. I remember all too well the first me I tried to do so. And he instead of telling me, he pushed me away. As if I couldn't possibly understand the predicament that he's in. As if I wouldn't accept him for it. What will happen if I ask him again? Will he break up with me? I don't want my rela onship with Jax to end. I love him too much to let him go like this. I need to come up with another solu on. Fast. The strain has been taking a toll on me and I want nothing more than to go back to the way it used to be between us?perfect. This is not going to ruin us. I'll make sure of it. I just need to find another way. "Si, are you okay?" Braydon asks me, waving her hands in front of my face. "You've been staring into space for a good five minutes now. Did you even hear what I said?"

I shake my head, looking down at my mug. My coffee's probably turned cold by now. What a shame. Caffeinated coffee is the best when it's steaming hot. "Sorry, Bray. I just got a lot to think about." "Want to share with us?" Trevor asks, leaning forward with his arms folded across the table. "Is it rela onship problems? Maybe we can help." I make a face. "No thanks." Trevor looks offended. "Why not?" His eyes dart toward Braydon then back at me. "I think we've been doing a pre y good job with this rela onship so far." "You guys almost broke up. Four mes if you counted the me Braydon caught you staring at that bartender last week." "I wasn't staring at her. I was admiring the way she was making a cocktail." "Or you were admiring the way she made your cock...tail." Braydon glares at him. "S ll haven't forgiven you for that one yet, babe." "You guys are the weirdest couple I've ever met," I say, sighing and leaning back against the sofa. Of all the places in Caffeinated, this is my favorite spot to sit on. "You guys say you're in an open rela onship, but when either of you get caught looking or kissing other people, you get really angry and it always leads to an almost-break up. So what is it, then? Are you guys exclusive?" "It's complicated," Braydon says, s rring her iced tea with her straw. "We're working it out." Trevor clears his throat. "But that's not the point?" "That's exactly the point. You guys are not exactly winning at this rela onship," I say. "So un l you guys can sort out your problems, I'll look for rela onship advice elsewhere."

"Aha! So you and Jax are having problems!" Braydon points an accusing finger towards me, an expression of triumph masking her face. "So what is it? It's definitely not the sex, because Jax must be hella good in bad?unless, it's you that's the problem... if that's the case, that's okay because I can show you some ps and tricks to sa sfy your man?" "It's not the sex. The sex is fine." "Fine? Just fine? Sex with Jax is just average? Girl, then it's obvious something's wrong?" "Can we please not talk about this?" I ask, embarrassed that we're talking about this in such a public area. We've already caught a few pairs of eyes looking towards our direc on. "And besides, it's not that big of a deal." "Okay, whatever you say," Braydon says, cocking her head sideways with a small pout. "Just as long as you're okay." A er what's been happening lately, I'm not really sure I am. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I'm always good." I wink at her in a empt to hide the emo ons that I'm really feeling. It helps that for the next few hours, Braydon takes charge of the conversa on and starts gossiping about who's sleeping with who. I tune out and dri off some mes, lost in my own thoughts about Jax. No ma er what I do, he s ll keeps plaguing my thoughts. And it's not in a good way at all. I'm helpless. Truly helpless. I don't think I've ever felt that way since my parents' divorce. And that life-altering event almost completely sha ered me. If I can't fix my rela onship with Jax, I truly don't know what will happen to me.

"...and Thomas cheated on Abby with her best friend, Natalie?you know, that girl in our biology class? Yeah. They've been going at it behind Abby's back for months now. And the sad thing is, Abby's s ll with Thomas. " I tuned right back in just as Braydon starts with another high school scandal. "Wait, don't you know Abby? Isn't she your friend?" Trevor asks her. "Did you tell her that her boyfriend's chea ng on her or does she know?" "No, she doesn't know about it," she answers. "Then, why don't you tell her?" I ask, trying to get back into the conversa on. "Doesn't she deserve to know?" "But the thing is, Abby and Thomas have been together for years now," Braydon says, shrugging. "It would be a shame to break up now. They've invested so much into each other." "The inves ng must have been one-sided if Thomas went behind her back and fucked her best friend," I say. "Look, Braydon, I don't care if they've been together for a long me. Abby deserves to know the truth so she can make an decision to leave that son of a bitch's ass or not. Which, if I were her, I'd do. No hesita on whatsoever." "But it will hurt her so much," Braydon protests. "She's so happy with him. If I tell her, she'll be ruined. And who knows what she'll do then." "If she's strong, she can take it. It's be er to know the ugly truth than to live in a perfect lie," I murmur. "God, what a fucked up thing to have happened to her. Her best friend and her boyfriend? Damn. Betrayed by the two people she trusts most. If I were her, I'd get my revenge on them. I'd make them pay for what they've done to me a hundred mes over." "Damn, girl," Braydon whistles. "Remind me to never ever cross you." "That will never happen." I laugh. "Right?" Braydon smiles back, but it's an uneasy one.

"Never, Sienna," Braydon says, holding Trevor's hand ght. "We will never betray you." *** A/N: Can YOU JUST SMELL THE IRONY IN THIS CHAPTER? HAHAHA. Sup bitches! How are ya'll doing? Sorry I have been MIA lately. It's Easter break and I've been doing a lot of travelling. You can check that out on my instagram story (claudiaaatan)! Anyways, it seems like JIENNA is only going downhill from here. Anyone excited for the ul mate RUIN of these two? Cuz I am!

See you guys soon! I got some other Wa pad projects coming up in the later weeks so stay tuned for those! Love, Claudia.

19. 14. Underes mated

I don't know why but Braydon's view on chea ng really unse led me. And what is even more unse ling is that for a split second there, I actually doubted her when she said she would never betray me. I shouldn't feel that way, ever. She's my best friend. She's been my best friend since freshman year of high school. I try not to think too much about it. Perhaps the whole thing with Jax is making me second guess everything. I'm s ll shaken by the secrets that he keeps and I think that's making me doubt everybody else too. I keep telling myself that as the days roll by and when I'm some mes in too deep in my thoughts. Besides, between training, apartment hun ng and spending me with Jax, there's li le me for me to ponder over anything else these days. I've been kept really busy, par cularly by Jax. Lately, he's been stressed out about the whole underground tournament, which is quite odd to say the least because he's never been stressed about winning during the whole me I've known him. There's simply no reason for him to be worried at all?he's the best of the best and he knows it. He's won the championship twice now and his arrogance always gets the be er of him so he's always certain that nobody can ever take that away from him. But Julian has been pu ng a lot of pressure on him to change his tac cs, which means Jax has to come up with new offense techniques that might either give him an advantage during the fights or cost him his championship. It's a risky thing to do?something that Jax is hell bent on not doing.

"You need to listen to me, boy," Julian smacks his towel on the bench out of frustra on. "You need to break the rou ne?you're ge ng predictable?" "If I change it, I'll lose. You know that. There isn't enough me for me to come up with another offense and defense front. I let them hit once, and then I pound the shit out of them. That's how it's always been and that's how it'll always be," Jax sneers back, taking off his wraps and throwing them on the ground. "This is no longer an amateur compe on anymore, Jax. I've seen what this season's fighters can do. There's a newbie?some are afraid of him and claim he should be a guy to watch out for?Kayden Williams?" He scoffs, walking over towards the punching bags where I'm currently finishing up at. "No newbie is going to get the be er of me. Right, princess?" He slides is arms around me from my back and press a light kiss on my bare shoulder. "Of course," I say, turning my head and angling it so that his lips can meet with mine quickly. "You're the best. You're deadbeat." "That I am." He winks at me and releases me. He turns around so he can face Julian, who's looking at him with a scowl. "I know what I'm doing, Jules. Just trust me." "Your stupidity is going to get you killed, I just know it," Julian mu ers as he disappears off to the locker rooms. "You okay?" I ask, wiping my forehead with a hand towel. "Fuck, he just gets on my nerves some mes." Jax shakes his head. He folds his arms across his chest and leans against one of the punching bags. "I don't know how I tolerated him for this long." "He's a good trainer." "But I'm a be er fighter."

"Maybe you should listen to him? He does give some great advice." "Not this me." He shakes his head. "I feel it in my bones. His way is going to make me lose. And I'd rather die than to give over the championship to another fucker who doesn't deserve it." I pause for a while. "You think that Kayden guy is really a guy to watch out for?" "Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's good," Jax says, a smirk forming on his face. "But you of all people know that I'm be er." I'm not en rely convinced, though. Something about this guy tells me that he plays a bigger part in our lives than we both can ever an cipate. "S ll, it wouldn't hurt to do some research about him. You don't want to underes mate your rivals too much." "But I'm so... lazy. And red." He pouts at me. "Can you do it for me?" "Jax?" He makes a puppy dog face. And damn, it's cute. How the hell can I possibly not resist that? "Fine. I'll do it at home. I'll text you the details tonight." "Thanks. You're the best." He kisses my temple. "You know I'll do anything for you. I love you." "Same here." Why don't you ever say it back to me, Jax? Why is it so hard to say those three words? I swallow the words that I'm too afraid to speak.

"Anyway, I need to get going soon." He nods to his gym bag that's si ng on the bench and I take it and throw it over to him. He unzips the bag and pulls out a fresh navy blue T-shirt. He takes off the sweaty shirt he has on and slips into the blue one, but not before I see more bruises do ng his back. It suddenly takes me back to last week, when I saw them for the first me. I pause and whisper, "You're hurt." "What?" He casts me a perplexed look. "No, I'm not." "Yes, you are. Turn around." He sighs and does as I say, turning his back so it's facing me. I gasp when I see that he's been severely bruised. And from the looks of it, these bruises haven't been there for long. They look like they've been inflicted on him since last night. "What the hell..." Jax, no cing that I've gone pale from staring at his bruises, quickly jerks away. "It's nothing. I've been training with Julian a lot lately. You know this season's prelims are just around the corner. That bastard's just been working me up more than usual, that's all. Don't worry about it." I gulp as he kisses me on the lips one more me before turning his heel and exi ng the gym. Just as Jax is gone, Julian reappears from the locker room in a fresh set of clothes. Before I can rethink my decision, I blurt out, "hey, Jules. When you and Jax train, did you ever hit him in the back? Repeatedly?" Julian stops at his tracks and stares at me blankly. "What the fuck? What kind of ques on is that?" I can't even offer him a valid explana on. "I'm just curious." "No. I've never done that before," he says, now walking towards me. He folds his arms across his chest and looks at me with intense curiosity. "Why?"

"Nothing," I say quickly. "Do you by any chance also know if he fought outside of UF gym or the underground circuit? Like does he fight out of the ring?" "Not to my knowledge, no," he says. "Shouldn't you know all this stuff? You're his girlfriend." I look away, embarrassed. He's right. I should know all these things. And yet, I'm kept hidden in the dark. And I have to resort to asking other people about my own boyfriend behind his own back to get myself some answers. Somehow, it makes me feel dirty. "Yeah, I know," I say with remorse. "But I'm not so sure if that's the case anymore." "Then, ask him yourself. You shouldn't ask me. As you can tell by the arguments we've been having, I highly doubt he trusts me anymore." "I've asked him about it but he doesn't tell me anything..." My voice trails off. I shake my head and clear my throat. "Nevermind. It's stupid. I won't bore you with this." "That's a relief. You're awfully boring lately." Oh hellllll no. Nobody calls me boring. I flip him off. "Screw you." A grin appears on his face. "Ah, that's the Sienna I know and love." "Aw, Jules, was that a love confession?" I place my hand above my heart and bat my eyelashes. "That's really fla ering but sadly, I don't see you that way?" "Oh, shut it you," he mu ers. "At least Jax didn't completely break you. Your sarcasm is s ll intact."

What is he talking about? I place my hands over my hips. "What do you mean Jax didn't completely break me?" "Don't think I haven't no ced you being more quiet lately. And you looked really stressed out too for some reason," he tells me. "Can't possibly be school because you graduated. And I highly doubt it's family problems. You've had them since you stepped foot in here so it's definitely not that. Something's going on with you and Jax, right? That's why you're asking me all these weird as fuck ques ons." I hesitate. Should I tell him? "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I wish I can say I care about what happens to the both of you but sadly, I don't. And you want to know why?" He asks and I shake my head. "It's because I know it won't last. You guys are toxic for each other." I feel slightly offended. I'll give him credit for being brutally honest about our rela onship but he doesn't know me or Jax well enough to make those kinds of predic on. "Look what he's doing to you, Sienna. He walks all over you and you just let him," he says, anger clearly evident in his voice. "You're asking me ques ons about your own boyfriend when you should be asking him instead. Which means he's keeping secrets from you. Which means, he doesn't trust you. Which means, maybe you're not as important to him as you think you are." "That's so not true!" I say, defending Jax. "He loves me?and I love him. He made me strong?" "Strong? You think he made you strong?" He says out of disbelief. "Trust me, he didn't. You were strong on your own. You just didn't realize it un l you met him," Julian says with a sigh. "Don't let him do this to you, Sienna. Stand your own ground. If anyone can do that, it's you."

He murmurs, and before he leaves, he stops and adds. "Jax always said you were a hurricane. Then, prove it and rain hell over him." *** I can't believe I just got my ass handed to me by Julian. The words he just u ered to me a few hours ago refuse to leave my thoughts. A part of me hates him for saying that to me, but another part of me knows that he's right. Down to the T. It just makes me even more confused about what I am supposed to do. I want it to work with Jax. I really do. I'm so deeply in love with him that I'm willing to do anything to make sure that we can make it. But a er hearing what Julian said to me, is it even possible to save this rela onship at this point? I have too many ques ons. Too many doubts. And not enough solu ons. For the first me in a while, I feel lost again. Truly and u erly lost. I swore to myself that I never wanted to feel like this again, and here I am, completely overwhelmed with indecision and my sense of direc on lost. All I want to do is talk to someone about it. But my op ons are severely limited, and even if I do have someone I can spill everything unto, I don't think I'll like the advice that I'm going to get. Pushing all thoughts aside, I fiddle with the doorknob of the house and step into the living room. I'm mentally and physically drained, and all I want to do right now is to take a nice, long bath to clear my mind. As I pass the kitchen, I hear an all-too familiar voice call my name and I groan. "Sienna!" My dad's newest fianc�, Renee, is si ng on one of the kitchen counter chairs?the exact one that my mother once used to sit on everyday during breakfast?when she beckons me over, a huge expectant smile plastered on her face. "Hey!"

I can't deny that Renee is awfully pre y for someone her age. With bold, fiery red hair and green eyes to match her fair complexion, it makes me wonder how the hell did someone as stunning as her ended up with my dad. "Hey," I say with much less enthusiasm. I don't enter the kitchen, nor do I have any inten ons to. Please let me take my bath in peace, I pray silently. "I'm gonna go up?" "No, wait! Please don't go yet. Stay." The crinkles near her eyes run visible as she casts a beaming smile at me. "We should talk more." I beg to differ, I think to myself. I have no inten ons on being all buddy-buddy with Renee. Don't get me wrong, she's probably a really nice person?and a really good person to with all the chari es she's helped fund with the wealth that she'd acquired over the years?but I've already sworn allegiance to my mom and I will not disrespect her and her marriage with my dad by cozying up with his latest bitch. His last marriage was a complete failure; I have no doubt this one will have the same fate. "Come. Sit." She pats on the stool besides hers and I have no choice but to oblige her. Ignoring her at this point would be rude. Not that I care about what she thinks of me, but I've always thought of myself as a bitch, not a rude bitch. There's a huge difference. "How was your day?" I begrudgingly slide into the seat that she offered and place my gym bag on the counter top. "It was fine." "I heard from your dad that you do kickboxing. That's pre y interes ng." "Yeah." She shi s uncomfortably. "So, how are things going with your boyfriend?" "Okay."

"Really?" She says, trying to drag on the conversa on that's already star ng to die off. "You really got nothing to share? Maybe I can help." I really don't think you can. And I don't want you to help either. Instead, I hold my tongue. "Nothing." "I heard he fights in illegal figh ng tournaments..." Her voice trails off. "Isn't that a bit dangerous?" "Yeah. It is." She pauses for a while, then says carefully, "Don't you think it's dangerous to be associated with him?" My eyes widen. I certainly did not expect that. "Excuse me?" "I'm just looking out for you, Sienna," she says in a low tone. She's swirling her cup of coffee around, refusing to make eye contact with me. "Maybe you should think about reconsidering your rela onship with him?" She's go a be joking, right? I huff out a breath out of disbelief. She clears her throat. "I know you and I don't really know each other yet, but I'm ge ng married to your father in a few weeks, and I just want to look out for you?you know, be somewhat of a mother?" I choke on a laugh. "No offense, but you'll never be my mother. Ever. I don't care if you're ge ng married to my dad. That'll never happen." Hurt crosses her eyes. "Perhaps I shouldn't have come on too strong?" "Yeah. Perhaps." I grab my bag and loop it through my shoulder. "Since you've decided to grace upon your wonderful wisdom on my life, maybe I should do the same. A word of advice: don't tell me who I should and shouldn't date. You'll never be close enough to me to ever take on that kind of role."

Renee stares at me, her mouth gaping open, completely shocked. "And I'm sorry but we'll never be mother-and-daughter. You won't last long enough with my dad to build that kind of rela onship with me," I say as I grab my bag from the counter top and loop it through my shoulder. I hop down from my seat." And even if my some miracle you do, I won't want to have that kind of rela onship with you either. So I think it'll be best if we just talk to each other only when we have to and not s ck our noses into each other's businesses. Okay?" She merely blinks at me. "Good. It's nice to meet you, Renee." I wave to her before exi ng the kitchen and walking up to my room. *** I'm not surprised when my dad comes burs ng into mine and Beth's room two hours later, his nostrils flaring. "Sienna. A word. Now." Beth, who's si ng on her bed, typing something on our laptop, stops what she's doing and takes her earbuds off. She takes one look at my dad then looks at me worriedly. I merely shrug. "I'll be back." I get up from my bed and follow dad as he ushers me inside the guest room. He turns on the light and shuts the door. Then, he faces me, his rage more evident now than before. "What the hell did you say to Renee? She's been really upset ever since I came home and I know you have something to do with it." "Why me? Why does it always have to be my fault?" I ask him, folding my arms across my chest. "She could be going through menopause or something. She's certainly old enough for it?" "Don't play games with me right now, Sienna. I mean it. What did you say to her?" My dad takes a step forward, a stern look on his face.

"Nothing! I only said we shouldn't talk to each other!" "Why?" "Because she tried to stop me from da ng Jax, which she is in no posi on to do!" "So what? I've been trying to tell you that for so long now! And you don't listen to me!" "Exactly. And you're my dad," I spit at him. "She's a stranger. A stranger that met only a few months ago, porked a few mes, and thought, 'hey. I might as well put a fucking ring on it. It's not like the both of us ge ng any younger!'" From the murderous look on dad's face, I can tell I didn't make things be er. "You and I both know that you and her aren't ever going to last. So I'm not going to s ck around while your soon-to-be third marriage crashes and burns," I tell him, my voice sharp and steady. "She is not my mother. And she will never be my mother. Tell her to stop ac ng like she is." "She's only looking out for you?" "I don't care! I already have a mother. But she's not here anymore because you le her!" I yell. "You le her and she couldn't stand you and she's on the other side of the world because of you! So excuse me if I don't approve of Renee, or any other past and future bitches you bring home ever since you divorced mom because if you're not going to try and work things out with mom, why the hell should I with any of these women?" "Hey!" My dad yells. "How dare you say I didn't try to work things out with your mother?how dare you disrespect me like that?" "Because you don't deserve any of my respect!" I scream back.

"You're so difficult, you know that, Sienna? So fucking difficult!" He explodes, his fingers raking through his hair out of frustra on. "Some mes, I just wish..." "What?" I ask, prodding at him. "What? What do you wish? Tell me!" "Some mes, I wish you weren't my daughter!" The world is at a stands ll, and me freezes. I open my mouth to speak, but no words flow out of me. All the bones in my body lock up and I'm stuck in place, le ng those six words impale me like knives. I wanted him to be angry, but I never thought he would ever say that. And I never thought it would hurt me this much. Because it does. Those six words have done more damage to me than anything else; it killed my cells, broke my bones and ripped my heart wide open. Once the realiza on that he just said the worst thing possible sets upon my father, he immediately shakes his head. "I didn't mean that. I take it back. I didn't mean what I said?" "Oh, I think you did," I whisper. "No, Sienna, I'm sorry, no?" He tries to reach for me but I sidestep him. "Don't touch me," I hiss. "Don't ever touch me." "Sienna, I'm sorry, please..." Tears swim in his eyes as he croaks out. "I didn't mean it?" "No, you only spoke the truth. Now, I really know how you feel about me," I say quietly as I make my way towards the door. My dad tries to block my path but I push him out of the way. "I think it's also best if we don't talk to each other for a while." "Sienna?"

"Don't. The damage is already done." I shake my head and turn around to walk out of the room, but not before the hurt bursts open from within me and the tears start flowing down my cheeks. *** A/N: LOOOOL SORRY GUYS FOR THE SUPER LONG HIATUS OFF OF WATTPAD. I FELT LIKE I DROPPED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH FOR LIKE TWO MONTHS.

I'VE BEEN SUPER BUSY PREPARING FOR MY UNI EXAMS, WHICH I'M OFFICIALLY DONE FOR. IT'S SUMMER TIME FOR ME YOOO YAYYYYYY Anyways, I can't promise consistent updates but I WILL try my very best to finish this book!� I'm very ac ve on social media (Instagram, Snapchat & Facebook) so hit me up if you have any ques ons! But so far, the most recent ones I've been ge ng is: (a) Are you joining the Wa ys this year? No, sadly! I don't have any work of mine (that hasn't already won an award too) that I really want to enter. I was supposed to get Bite done in order to join this year's Wa ys but that ain't gonna be happening any me soon. But I really do urge anyone who wishes to join to take part! It's a fantas c opportunity to make new friends, socialize with people running for awards and it's great exposure too! (b) Are you going to write Bite? Yes. Hopefully soon. I have a decent amount of free me now and part of the reason why I haven't posted on Wa pad for a while is because I've been experiencing MAJOR writer's block. I need to get my inspira on

back so I'll be doing a lot of reading AND wri ng in order to get the ball rolling again. But expect some great things soon. That's all for today guys! See you guys soon! Love, Claudia.

20. 15. Downhill

As I push through the front door, I stride over to the edge of the pa o and crumble against the foot of the stairs. Tears pour down from my cheeks and I make li le a empt to wipe them away. My cheeks are red and my eyes are swollen and my heart is squeezing and clenching the life out of me, making it not only hurt emo onally, but physically too. The words that broke me echo in my head like a song on repeat, except that it was a song I truly loathed and I was forced against my own will to listen to it. Some mes I wish you weren't my daughter. My dad didn't just say it, he exclaimed it. As if he'd been harboring those words for a long me and when I finally pushed him to his limit, he exploded. I never liked my dad. And especially a er what he did to mom, my hatred for him grew even more. But I never truly hated him. How could I? A er everything that he's done, I can't deny that he's s ll my dad. And no ma er how much I say I don't love him, a li le part of me knows for certain that that's just a lie. A stupid lie to cover up how much he has hurt me. It's awful?despite how screwed up our parents are, we'll always harbor love for them. Whether we want to or not. There is a burning need for me to talk to someone about this. My first ins nct is to call Jax and tell him about what happened with my dad. I slide my phone out of my pocket and dial his number but as my finger hovers over the call bu on, I hesitate.

I know exactly what he'll say to me. You shouldn't care about this, princess. Screw your dad, alright? He doesn't understand you. Nobody understands you but me. Once, those words would have comforted me. But not tonight. I just want him to say that it's going to be okay, that once my dad calms down, I'll get to fix things between us again... but I know for sure that I won't ever hear Jax u er those words to me because he isn't like that. It's not in his nature to fix things. It's in his nature to destroy. "S-Sienna?" I don't turn around. I hug my knees together and press my cheek on top of them, wishing that the silent tears will erase the past thirty minutes. I hear footsteps etching closer and an all-too familiar figure as she takes the steps and sits beside me. Beth looks at me, wide-eyed filled with curiosity and sympathy. I can tell she wants to reach for me?to hug me or pull me closer to her?but she doesn't. She knows all too well that it will only make ma ers worse for me. "I h-heard what happened with you and dad," she mumbles quietly. "I didn't mean to but the s-screaming was so loud." "It's okay," I say. "I'm pre y sure the whole neighborhood was listening." Beth didn't have anything to offer in response to that. She just shrugs. "I'm s-sorry. About what he said to you." "You don't have to apologize for him." "I know, but I s ll feel p-pre y bad about what he said. It must be awful." Yeah, well no shit.

"It's fine. I'm over it." I sniff. "You don't look over it." "I said I'm fine, Beth. Leave it alone." I can't help but snap at her. But to my surprise, she doesn't flinch. "I know you're a-angry. But I'm going to stay here when you feel like you're r-ready to talk about it," she murmurs, squeezing her legs together. "Maybe you d-don't want to talk to me right now. Maybe you want to talk to Bray?" "It's date night with Trev. I can't possibly intrude." "How about Jax?" My stomach sinks even further. I shake my head. "No. I'm not in the mood to talk to him." Beth li s a curious eyebrow. "W-why? Did something happen between the both of you?" I don't know what to say. I've never talked about Jax to Beth before because I didn't want to put her in such an awkward posi on, with her being in love with him and everything. So I always avoided the topic. But lately, she's been really cool and suppor ve about our rela onship?so much so that I may be comfortable enough to talk to her about it. But instead, I don't. "Nothing. We're fine. We're perfect." "Doesn't sound that way at all." I sigh. "Just small problems. You know how it is with rela onships." "No, I d-don't actually. Because I've never b-been in one." Beth scoots closer to me, a careful smile dangling on the edge of her lips. "Tell me what

it's like." I like that she knows that talking about this rather than what happened with my dad will make me feel be er?if not, distract me from the situa on at hand. So I buy into it, because a distrac on is much needed right now. "Some mes, it's as easy as breathing," I say, smiling as the memories pour out of me, one a er another?Jax and I on our first not-date, Jax kissing me in that ring, me making love to him, me loving him un l my heart ached. But as the memories fade away, I frown, because those wonderful moments always come with a he y price. "But other mes, it's like trying to solve a math equa on with bananas." "Bananas?" She laughs. "Weird analogy, but you get what I mean. It's impossible." Beth merely nods. "But honestly? I feel it's worth it. Going through the storm to get to the rainbow," I say, not realizing that I've already made up my mind about what I wanted to do about me and Jax's rela onship. I don't care what Julian has said?Jax won't destroy me. He loves me. And I love him. And that's all there is to it. I'm gonna fight for that love. I'm gonna fight with everything that I got. I don't care how long it'll take me; I don't back down easily. "It's worth figh ng for. To me, at least." A smile so genuine appears on Beth's face. "That's really nice. I wish I had that." "Maybe you will." She snorts. "Don't be r-ridiculous." "You don't have to get one right now. Wait ll college. The guys are ho er there."

A laugh bubbles out of her. "I'll take you up on that. If t-there's none, the first person I'm coming a er is you." "Fine," I huff out a laugh as I glance up at her. "You're smiling," Beth says, her grin growing. "I made you smile." My fingers dri over to touch the curve of my lips. "Huh, I guess you did." "Do you feel a li le b-be er now?" She asks. I nod wordlessly. Beth smiles and loops an arm around me to pull me close to her. She hugs me, and it's then I realize how much I've missed these moments with my sister. Lately, because of my rela onship with Jax, we hadn't been spending me with each other much even though we have the same circle of friends so it's nice that I get to do so now. "Sienna, I h-hope you don't think dad hates you. I think some mes he just gets really f-frustrated with trying to handle you. You're quite a r-rebellious one, you know," she says. "Oh, I know," I choke out a small laugh. "I live to give him hell." "I think the both of you need some s-space from each other right now," Beth says quietly. "Hey, you're eighteen now. Maybe it'll be be er to move out?" "That's exactly what I've been thinking for the past few months now. I've been meaning to tell you," I say, leaning onto her shoulder. "I've been searching for places near BU because that's where I want to go a er summer. And I've found an amazing place. It's a two bedroom apartment and it has an amazing view and it's perfect for us," I say, then upon no ng the confusion that is wri en on her face, I add quickly, "I mean?that's if you want to stay with me. I've been meaning to ask you?" "Yes," Beth says quickly. "Yes, I w-want to get out of here."

"Really? Are you sure? You're not even going to take me to consider?" "No." She shakes her head. "W-wherever you go, I go. Sisters s ck together." My lips curl upwards?a grateful smile. "Then, it's se led. We're moving in together!" She squeals and hugs me even ghter. "This is going to be s-so much fun! Just the two of us!" She grins at me sillily. "You won't regret having me with you, Si, I promise!" *** The next few weeks passed by very quickly. I had a lot of things to do, despite the fact that it's summer and I've already graduated high school. During that short period, Jax and I celebrated our two year anniversary of us being together. The date so happened to clash with my dad's wedding, so I used that as an excuse to ditch their recep on. We didn't do much together. Just the usual?we'd talk, he'd flirt, I'd kiss him, we'd have mindblowing sex, and then I'd see the scars on his back and it would remind me that when it comes to unravelling his secrets, I'm weak and lost and completely at his mercy. I don't know why I wouldn't just upright confront him about it. What is wrong with me? If he were anyone else, I'd do it without a second thought. It makes me feel pathe c. I'm usually not like this. Maybe a part of me is scared. What happened with Damien and his croonies?me asking Jax about why he wouldn't stop hi ng him when I told him to?him shrugging me off like I'm nobody to him?it's a painful reminder of how no ma er how many years we've spent together, he'll never fully trust me. I shouldn't love someone who doesn't trust me. But I do and I can't help it. I hate that about myself. I love Jax fiercely?with my heart and soul and

everything in between. Every part of me belongs to him and every thought of mine goes to him. I put him first, always, and I'm uncertain if he does do the same to me. Nothing good comes out of me asking Jax about those scars. Either he'll tell me and I won't like the ugly truth behind them or he doesn't tell me, and I'm le in the dark again, completely helpless, silently ha ng him and s ll loving him at the same me. I'm a mess. He makes me become a mess. "This place is a mess," Jax says as he saunters into the new apartment. He isn't wrong. There are boxes everywhere?most piled on top of each other, some already open and had their contents spilled all over the floor. It's absolutely chao c. "Yeah, sorry about that," I say, heaving another huge box into Beth's room. Most of the boxes belong to her. I didn't even know she had this many things. I may be star ng to regret moving into this place with her. "We're kinda in the middle of a big move here so..." "You need any help?" He asks me as he crosses the living room to head over to me. As I straighten my back, I place my hands over my hips and shake my head. "It's fine. We're almost done here. I think," I say, then yell to Beth, who's in the kitchen already making headway by arranging the plates in the kitchen cabinets. "Those are the last of the boxes?" "Yeah!" She shouts back. "Then, I guess we're done." I smile up at Jax. "Good." He grins. "Then, I can do this." He leans forward to peck me on the lips quickly. I blush from the minute ac on.

"I h-heard that!" Beth yells from the kitchen. "Get a room!" Jax chuckles. "Nice to meet you too, Beth!" "Come on." I take his hand in mine and tug him towards the living room. "You can help me unbox all the boxes for me." "Fine. As long as I get to unbox the ones with your pan es." I huff. "You're?" "Disgus ng, I know. I heard that one too many mes, already," he says, winking at me. I roll my eyes and pass him the box labelled 'miscellaneous' instead. He takes it reluctantly and grabs a penknife to slice a long line in the middle of the two flaps of the box that has been secured by lots of duct tape. "Hey," Beth finally emerges from the kitchen. She nods at Jax, a slight nt of blush on her cheeks. She gets that way when she's around him some mes, and I pretend not to no ce. But I guess I'd have to applaud her for building some sort of friendship with him. As for now, they're on pre y good terms. "H-wow was the fight last night? I heard it w-was epic." "Fuck yeah it was." Jax casts a cheeky smile up at me. I was there; I witnessed the en re thing. As usual, Jax kicked some serious ass during the prelims. "Moving onto the semi-finals." "Of c-course," Beth says as she grabs a box and starts unloading its contents. "I never expected any less of you, Jax." "Yeah, well. Julian didn't think so." Jax shrugs. Beth knits her brows in confusion. "He got really frustrated with Jax a er the fight. Said that it was an easy win. That the next me, he might not be so lucky," I say quietly, clarifying for her.

"What?" Beth says, baffled. "I know. It was complete bullshit. I almost hit him then." He would have, if I didn't physically stop him from doing so. I cringe at the thought of another Damien scene occurring again. "So w-what are you going to do about him?" Beth asks, folding her arms and res ng them over one of the boxes. Her eyes are wide and curious, steady on Jax. "What else can I do?" Jax says, his frustra on evident in his tone. "It's impossible to get on the same page with him. He wants to change my tac cs. I don't because I don't see any reason in that op on. I've won the damn championship twice now. I'm a fucking god. Maybe instead of me listening to him, he should listen to me. A er all, I'm the only one that knows what's best for me." "What?" Now is my turn to be baffled. "Jax, you can't fire him. He's been your trainer for years?" "Yeah, it's about me I find a new one anyway. Plus, I need a new change of scene. Breaking Point is too small for my big ego," he murmurs. "I hear Lean Machines have some pre y killer trainers." "You can't be serious." I lay a box down on the ground and hold his stare. "Jules is good. He's brilliant?" "And I don't doubt that, princess. But he's just not for me anymore. It's not going to work out." "Wouldn't that be pu ng me in a very awkward posi on?" I tell him. "He's s ll my friend. And I train there." "You can always come with me to Lean Machines," Jax offers.

I shake my head. "Julian is so close to giving me a job at Breaking Point. I'm not going to start over again at another gym." "Fine. Then, you stay at Breaking Point." From the irritated tone of Jax's voice, I can tell he's not happy about that. "But don't ask me to go there to visit you. I don't want to see his face anymore. It makes me fucking mad." I stay quiet, because I don't know what to add to that. Of course I wish that things worked out between Julian and Jax. Julian cares for him?more than Jax ever knows. He'd be devastated to learn that Jax is firing him. And I didn't want to say it out loud but I'm sort of leaning towards Julian on this one. Jax is ge ng too arrogant. He thinks he's above everyone else because of his wins. But there might come a me when someone new comes and overthrows him from his throne. And maybe that someone might be that Kayden guy Julian has been warning Jax about. But I'm in no posi on to say that. What do I know about the underground circuit? Knowing Jax, he'll easily dismiss me and say that I don't know any be er. And maybe, I agree with him. "Well, I t-think you're making a very brave and w-wise decision, Jax," Beth murmurs, cas ng a small smile towards Jax. "See?" Jax says to me. "At least I have your sister on my side." She's in love with you. Of course she'll say anything to make you happy. I swallow hard. But isn't that what I've been doing too lately? Hiding my true feelings about your lack of trust in me. Withholding words I wish to speak that might get you mad or get you to ques on me. "You should come watch me fight, Beth." He swivels his head towards her. "I haven't seen you step foot in there a er I saw you at the prelims last

year." "Y-yeah, I've been busy," she mumbles. In truth, she just didn't want to be there when Jax gets down the ring a er every fight to kiss me. "But if you insist, m-maybe I will." "I'll see you next Saturday, then." He grins at her?a signature smile of his that melt girls' hearts?and naturally, Beth's blush deepens. Jealousy coils inside of me watching their li le moment unfold. Why should I be jealous? Jax is mine. He's my boyfriend. And he loves me. It's nothing, I tell myself. They're just being friendly with each other. Don't read too much into it. Right on cue, Braydon and Trevor come burs ng into the apartment, relieving me of my ugly thoughts. "Hey, guys!" Braydon says, her eyes scanning the place. "Wow, it's a?" "?Mess, we know," I say. "But it's our home, nonetheless. Or at least it's going to be!" "Welcome!" Beth greets our friends with open arms. Trevor and Jax give each other the nod of acknowledgment. "We brought champagne!" Braydon points to Trevor, who's holding up the champagne bo le. "We got a lot of shit to celebrate!" "I'll go grab the glasses!" Beth says as she hurries into the kitchen. A few minutes later, we're all huddled together around the kitchen counter as my sister lays all the glasses down with Braydon's help. She passes Trevor the bo le opener and he pops the cork right open, allowing the champagne to flow down unto his glass in the steady stream. When all the glasses are filled, Braydon li s hers and everyone follows.

"To Sienna and Beth for moving into this kick ass apartment!" She starts her toast. "And to Jax for slaying everyone during the prelims last night!" "And to Jax, again, who's moving unto new and be er things!" Beth says. At first, I think she's talking about Jax firing Julian and leaving Breaking Point to pursue other trainers at Lean Machines, but something about the way she said it irks me. "I'm just hoping we'll survive college," Trevor says. "So I'll drink to that." "Don't be stupid, babe. Of course we will. This year is going to be awesome!" Braydon says. "Everything's going the way it's planned." "Absolutely," Jax says, grinning, looping and arm around me to pull me closer towards him and plan ng a small kiss on my temple. "Everything's all good." I nod along with everyone as our champagne glasses meet and we dunk down its contents. Though as I look around the sea of friends around me? Braydon and Trevor hugging and kissing each other, Beth stealing a glance at Jax, Jax catching it and grinning back at her?my stomach sinks, somehow feeling that there are worse things to come. *** A/N: LMAOOOO I'M SO BAD AT UPDATING WTFFFFF. HEY GUYS. I'VE BEEN A TERRIBLE WATTPAD WRITER FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS. But BELIEVE ME when I say a lot of stuff has been going on in my personal life for the past three months. LIKE NO JOKE. Which is why I haven't been wri ng at all lately.

I know some of you guys were worried that I wasn't going to finish Perfect Ruin, to which I say to ya'll:

I can't promise regular updates anymore because I'll be heading back to the UK in three days to start my second year of uni but I'll try my best to finish Perfect Ruin by this year lmaooooo. PS: it's so weird that I'm not par cipa ng in the Wa ys this year. Like I'm so used to cheering you guys to vote for my books and stuff like that and being compe ve lol. But I wish all the par cipants good luck this year! Can't wait to see which books make it to the top! See you guys soon! I'm always here, always watching. Xoxo, Claudia.

21. 16. Execu on �Tonight is the night of the finals. The night that everyone in town has been talking about?the fight of the decade. Jax versus Kayden. Deadbeat versus Killer. To me, it's no compe on. To me, Jax is the clear winner. He's been training hard for years. I've seen his determina on?it roars inside of him. Fuels his mind and his body. Drives his punches and swings. It won't and never burn away. It has become him and it will stay that way un l he no longer breathes. That's why I love him. No man can ever compare to him. I don't care how fucked up he is. He's my Deadbeat. If he says he doesn't have a soul, then so be it. I'll live for the both of us. I have been for the past two years. And I won't stop now. The warehouse thrums in shared excitement?bets are being shouted from all four corners, bookies busying themselves with the cash and spectators push forward in a desperate a empt to get a good view of the ring. I have the best one. I stand with Braydon, Beth and Trevor in an elevated pla orm. It's perfect for us to see all the ac on unfold. "This is so exci ng." Braydon nudges my shoulder. She jumps on the balls of her heels and claps enthusias cally, a beaming smile gracing her lips. "I've got a thousand dollars on Jax tonight." I shake my head and snort. "You're crazy, Bray." "What? You don't think he'll win?" "Oh, I know he'll win." "Good. Because if he doesn't, Trev's gonna have to pay for my college fees."

"Me?" Trevor says, scoffing. "You're on your own, babe." "Come on, babe," Braydon whines. "You said I was your everything." "Unless you're broke." Braydon turns to me and fake sighs. "Isn't it roman c? I have the best boyfriend ever." "Yeah, that's right, baby. I am and you know it," Trevor says and grabs Braydon to crush his lips against hers. When he lets go of her, she stumbles backwards, her eyes widened, clearly unaware that he was going to do that. Then, she shrugs and leans forward to kiss him again. While Trevor and Braydon make out, I realize that I should go find Jax and maybe do the same thing. A er all, it's the night he's been an cipa ng for months now. He deserves a kiss or two as a way of me saying good luck. I quickly mu er to them that I was going to see Jax?even though I know they probably didn't hear me?and slip into the crowd, weaving my way through and heading towards the back hallway where the fighters are ge ng ready. A er the bouncer lets me through, I start to make my way down the hallway. Just as I'm turning the corner, my arm accidentally brushes against another man's. It's too dark in here so I can't see much of the guy's face?I can only make out several features of his like his dark hair and grey eyes. My eyes dart all the way down to his body, his huge arms to his ripped abdomen and the ta oos that cover most of his chest. A red robe drapes over his body, accentua ng his body figure and black pants hang dangerously low from his hips. It suddenly clicks?I know who this man is. Kayden. Jax's arch-nemesis.

Kayden jerks away from me as if I was made of fire and he scowls... no, he smiles at me? Yeah no. He's definitely scowling. Damn, this man has the deepest scowl I have ever seen. So deep that Adele would probably be rolling in it. "Watch where you're going, girl. You won't be so lucky next me," Kayden hisses. "Excuse me?" I say, baffled. "It was just an accident. Just chill, man." I don't think he expected for me to retort back. His eyes widen a bit, his anger masked with surprise. But it doesn't hold for long. He shakes his head quickly and turns his back on me. "Whatever. I go a go." In an instant, he brushes past me and then he's gone, mel ng into the shadows. I stand there for a couple of seconds, u erly bewildered at the fact that I just met that I just met my boyfriend's arch-nemesis. During the past few weeks, I hadn't formed any opinion about Kayden. I had never met the guy?it didn't seem appropriate to think any nega vely about him just because he was Jax's rival. But now that I have met him, I can say with u er confidence that he is without a doubt? A fucking asshole. Whatever. It doesn't ma er. It's not like we'll ever cross paths again a er tonight anyway. Shaking all thoughts about him, I con nue my way towards Jax's room. I knock on the door four mes, a signal that he knows that it's me and not some random girl that has managed to slip through the bouncer and intends to jump on him (that actually happened before and I was not too

pleased about that). Half a second later, I hear him fiddle with the doorknob and he opens the door to let me in. "Hey," he murmurs, crushing his lips against mine briefly before pulling back. "Like the new robe?" He does a li le turn for me and I smile when I see his black robe got a bit of an upgrade. Gold intricate designs are embossed all over the sleeves and along the seams and hood of the robe. Even his name 'DEADBEAT' is printed bigger and bolder with gold Serif le ering. "I like it. It's very fi ng for a victor," I say, stepping towards him. He grins back at me and everything that I love about him comes through with that smile?his strength, his confidence and his arrogance. "Glad you like it. Because I want you to wear it. When I'm out there figh ng him," he spits the last word like venom in his mouth. "I want everyone to know that you're mine. And you're with me tonight." "Of course I will wear it," I say, my hand reaching up to curl around his cheek. My thumb brushes against his skin, hoping that my touch can soothe him. He's looking at me?his eyes on mine and mine on him?with so much intensity and this me, he lays all his emo ons for me to see. I know that he never gets nervous. So when I feel him tremble just the slightest, I know that he's scared. Frightened that he can't retain his tle tonight. Frightened that some newbie end his reign tonight. I won't let that happen. Jax deserves every win he has ever fought for. And tonight will be no different. "Jax, you can beat him. I know you can. You have the best trainers over at Lean Machines," I say to him reassuringly. "What if..." His voice falters but he clears his throat and con nues with a more steady voice. "What if Julian was right? What if he was the best for me a er all? And I made a stupid mistake by firing him?"

"If you think that Julian did you no good, then you should trust that." It feels wrong for me to say that even though I'm s ll training at Breaking Point with him, but I say it anyway to dis nguish all of Jax's nerves for him. I'll say anything he wants me to say as long as he goes out there into that ring as his usual self?his cocky, over-confident, animalis c self. "Yeah, but fuck. Jules was good to me. And... I treated him like shit." I don't say that I agree, even though I do. Instead, I ptoe so that I can press my forehead against his and both my hands can trap his face. "Forget about it. What happened in the past stays in the past. You're just nervous right now and I can understand why. Kayden's been undefeated ever since the prelims. I heard from the bookies that he has good odds against you. 40% of that people in the warehouse are roo ng for him. But you know who's roo ng for you? The other 60%. Braydon. Trevor. Beth. Me. Your girlfriend. I love you, Jax, with everything that I am, and I know you can do this. I've got a good sum of money on you. And I know I'll get back thrice of that as long as you won't disappoint me." That earns a small chuckle for me. "I won't disappoint you, princess." "I know you won't. My confidence in him earns him a smile. He folds his arms across his chest and looks down, grinning to himself. "Just out of curiosity," he says, "how much did you bet on me?" "A li le over five hundred." He whistles lowly. "That's a lot." "That's nothing. Bray's got double of that on you. I'm a li le ashamed that she's be ng more than me even though I'm technically the girlfriend and the girlfriend should be the one to bet the most."

"It's okay, princess. I forgive you," he says, his index finger gliding over my bo om lip. "But there's one way you can reward me when I win though." From the perverted look that he's giving me, I know exactly what he means. "We'll see." "Oh, come on," he groans, pou ng his lips. He looks like an eight-year-old boy who has been deprived of candy. "Please?" "I said we'll see. See if I'm in the mood. But your chances are quite good." "I'll bet on that," he says. "Anyway, you should get going. Fight's about to start soon." "Okay. Good luck, Deadbeat," I murmur. "I love you." "Thanks." He winks at me, kisses me quickly on the lips. Next thing I know, I'm being shuffled out of the room. I pretend not to let the fact that he didn't say I love you back affect me, but my body knows and my heart slowly sinks. I head on back to the pla orm where all the others are at. Beth is waving at me and squeeze my way through so I'm standing next to her. She no ces the frown that's on my face and she passes me a quizzical look. "What happened between you and Jax? Are you guys good?" She places a concerning hand on my shoulder. I nod and brush it away. Hurt crosses her eyes. "Yeah. We're good." I focus my a en on on the ring rather than Beth instead, but I can't stop repea ng myself. "We're good. Be er than good. We're awesome." "Okayyyyy," she says, stringing the last syllable. "That's good to hear, I guess."

I don't reply. Soon enough, the spotlights dim and the en re audience explode into cheers when the announcer emerges to recite the rules of the fight and announce the fighters that will be figh ng in the ring tonight. "Aaaaand to your le , we got a newbie?a guy whom we never thought would make it this far but he sure proved us wrong! He's never not won a fight this season and if you've seen him fight, you know he slays everyone that crosses his path. And I also heard he's a real killer in between the sheets as well, just pu ng that out there for all you ladies!" The announcer winks and several girls from the crowd scream, waving their pan es in the air. I roll my eyes. They look ridiculous. "Ladies and gentlemen, Kayden 'The Killer' Williammmmmmmsssss!" The en re warehouse roars when Kayden makes his presence known, emerging from the shadows. His face is stone-cold and his eyes hold li le to no emo on as he rounds the ring, allowing his fans to reach forward to touch his shoulder. The en re audience screams and chants his name, with the excep on of some of Jax's loyal fans, who boo and yell curses at him. I don't choose sides. I don't jeer at him, unlike Beth, Braydon, Trevor and the others. I just watch soundlessly as Kayden takes his place on his side of the ring. He unsheathes his robe and flexes his muscles, ready for war. When the noise has simmered to a bare minimum, the announcer then addresses the audience again. "This man doesn't need no introduc on! Everyone already knows his name and how many tles he currently hold but just for the heck of it, I'll say them anyway! He's fast, he's cunning, he's a legendary rogue machine when he's in that ring. He's the currently reigning king of The Underground?two championships and coun ng! Will tonight be his third one?" With that, the audience erupts into cheers. "We'll see! He's the one, the only... JAX 'DEADBEAT' DENERISSSSSSSS!!" The noise is deafening when my boyfriend finally thrusts himself into the spotlight. He li s his fists up into the air, a sly smirk on his face as he greets his fans. A cacophony of cheers burst from within the audience, so loud

that my voice is drowned out by the thousands screaming his name alongside with me. Jax's grin widens when the audience starts to chant his signature 'Deadbeat' chant; he does it along with everyone else and he looks as if he's thriving off the power and energy from the audience. It's such a pivotal moment for me to witness. It makes me happy that he feeds off from his fans, but it also makes me feel more insignificant. I want to be his strength, his power?and I would gladly give everything so that I can be everything to him. But he doesn't seek for me. He doesn't lean on me. He never did. I'm just one faceless face among the thousands that he thrives on tonight. When both fighters are ready, they face each other. I can feel the hatred pouring out of Jax when he greets Kayden. Kayden, on the other hand, isn't fueled by hatred. He's focused, driven?driven by something that I'm all too familiar with. A feeling that has been bred and grown from within my bones and a feeling that I've been harboring for two years now. Anger. He does well to hide it too. But I know be er. The slight clench of his jaw, the twitch in his eye, the veins popping along his neck. He's angry tonight and something tells me he's going to inflict a lot of pain tonight. Unto himself or unto Jax, I'm not quite sure yet. But I'm about to find out. The bell rings and Jax pounces first. He slams a solid punch on Kayden's shoulder and Kayden reels back, his body stung from the hit. But he doesn't give up quickly. He ducks when Jax swings his arm back for another hit and rise back up to loop an arm around Jax's neck to trap him. The audience groans when Kayden lands punch a er punch a er punch unto Jax's torso.

I wince when I see the fear grow in Jax's eyes. Of all the mes I've seen him fight, I've never seen anyone land this many punches on him before. "Oh god," Beth says, looking away. "I can't watch." Her hand seeks for mine and I take it, squeezing it to give her reassurance that Jax s ll has a lot of fight in him le . Finally, his ins ncts kick in and he kicks outwards, causing Kayden's legs to give out and unbuckle. He scrambles to get up but before he can fully stand, Jax barrels him unto the ground strikes him on his face twice. The crowd watches, fully enraptured, as the fight con nues with Jax gaining the upper ground. Kayden crosses his arms to deflect Jax's punches and mustering all of his energy, he twists his body and flips the both of them around. Jax tries to get up but loses his foo ng and crashes to the ground on his face. Another mistake. The crowd groans along with him. Kayden has the advantage now?he cages Jax, one arm grabbing his foot and another arm looped around his neck. Jax is helpless. His body and his arms are bound and he's quickly losing air. Beth sobs and buries her face in my shoulder, too scared to witness the outcome of this fight that will surely end in Kayden's favor. And I'm star ng to think that it will too. Jax writhes against Kayden; he coughs and draws out blood. While gri ng his teeth, he hisses out a few words, blood s ll bubbling in his mouth, "I will fucking kill you." Kayden's eyes widen and Jax takes the split second distrac on to bite into Kayden's arm. He howls in pain, giving Jax enough leeway to escape Kayden's grasp. Both of them scramble to gain foo ng and now that they're both standing again, murder screaming in both of their eyes, I know the fight's going to get good. Just as Kayden sprints towards Jax, Jax drives his knee upwards and it connects with Kayden's stomach. He doubles over from the pain and Jax

uses that as an opportunity to slam his fist to Kayden's side. He collapses against the side of the ring and he tries to use that as a support to help him stand again, his arms desperately holding unto the rope, but Jax is merciless as always. A strike against the jaw causes Kayden to spit out blood. Another on the shoulder and his hold on the rope loosens. And the last, final blow unto his cheek that knocks him out completely, sealing his rather somber fate and Jax's long-awaited third victory. "Oh my god!" Braydon cries. "Oh my god! He won! Jax won!" "Yes!" Trevor throws his hand upwards, unable to contain his excitement. The en re warehouse burst into cheers when the announcer li s Jax's hand up, signaling his victory. Beth and Braydon both hug me and expressed their congratula ons. I'm unable to keep the huge grin off my face as they crown my boyfriend the champion again. He wears his belt with the utmost confidence and the crowd goes crazy when he li s his trophy up into the air. "You should go in there!" Braydon nudges me. "Show your man some love!" Right on cue, Jax's eyes search the crowd and they land on mine. His grin grows even wider and he beckons me to come upstage. Of course, I can't say no to him. The crowd part ways for me, as if they know who I am to him, even though I o en don't even know myself. It feels nostalgic when Jax wraps me in his arms, looking down on me as just the en re crowd is looking at us. Except this me, it feels different. Last year, I was certain that I knew what he felt for me. Last year, I was certain that he was the perfect man for me. Last year, I was certain that it no ma er what life threw our way, it was us against the world.

Now, I'm star ng to think that rather, it's him. Against me. And when he seals our lips together and the crowd goes insane, I'm not surprised that the uncertainty is s ll there. And I don't think it'll ever go away. From the corner of my eye, I no ce Kayden seated on a stool on his side of the ring, looking absolutely defeated. But his eyes are trained on the both of us?or to be specific, me. The magnitude of his stare makes me feel so exposed, as if I was transparent in front of him and he knew exactly how vulnerable and doub ul I felt. And something tells me that he understood exactly how I was feeling, which is both rather intriguing and unse ling at the same me. * * *�

�"I'm going out with the guys," Jax says to me once he's helped me down from the ring. His arms release me when both of my feet hit the ground and I immediately feel the absence of his touch. "I'll come find you later, princess." "Wait, what? I thought we were going to celebrate together," I say, annoyed. Behind me, there is a large crowd threatening to climb over the metal par ons?the only thing that is preven ng us from stomping all over me and a acking Jax. "You said we were going to have a nice dinner and everything. You promised." It sounds whiny once those words leave my lips but I can't help myself. I've waited a few weeks for this. He hasn't exactly been the most roman c boyfriend with all the late hours in the gym and the rigorous training. I've never complained then. I knew he needed to do his own thing. But now that that's done and over with, all I want is my man back.

"I know, babe. I know." He doesn't even seem very apologe c. "It's just a few drinks. Hopefully, I'll be back before 10. I'll pick you up and we'll go someplace nice. My treat. Or yours, if you'd like. You won a lot of cash tonight." He grins and I immediately feel the weight of what I won in the back pocket of my jeans. "No. You're paying tonight." I jab a finger into his chest, where a huge bruise has begun to take its form?thanks to Kayden. Jax winces slightly from the pain, and it's the first me I'm sa sfied about it. "You promise we're going out tonight?" "You know I always keep my promises." He presses his index finger on the p of my nose and grins. I wiggle my nose, a frown weighing down on my face. I smell complete and u er bullshit. "I'll see you later." He pecks me lightly on the lips and scurries off, disappearing into the crowd. I heave out a heavy sigh and turn back, heading towards Beth and Braydon who are lurking outside the entrance, wai ng for Trevor to get his car. "Hey," Braydon says, her voice laced with surprise when she sees me. "I thought you and Jax were going to go celebrate? Together? Alone?" "Yeah. It's been postponed. He's having drinks with the guys." I roll my eyes. "He doesn't even like them." "Some mes, you'd rather surround yourself with fake people." She shrugs. "A er all, it's be er than being alone." "But he's not alone. He has me." "But does he know that?" "What?" What the hell is that supposed to mean? Braydon's ques on catches me completely off guard.

Braydon squeezes my shoulder reassuringly just as Trevor's car pulls up front. I want to ask her what she meant but my words are swallowed up when Beth comes up front behind me and tugs on my shirt. "Hey, s-since you're not going out with Jax now, you wanna go home?" She asks me. "W-we can stay up and wait for Jax together. I'll even help you do your h-hair." A small smile tugs on my lips. "Sure. That'll be nice." "Come on. Let's go." She takes my hand and ushers me towards the car. "And don't listen to Braydon. Her and Trev got into a fight just now. She's just annoyed right now." I don't believe she said that just to spite me. But I'm not in a mood to fight about this tonight, so I decide to just let it go. "Yeah." I nod. "Sure." But as I glance over at Braydon again, then to her boyfriend and my sister, I can't help but feel that there's something I'm missing here. That I'm oblivious to some form of truth that seems to be staring right at my face. * * *� A/N: I KNOW IT'S NOT FRIDAY BUT I FORGOT TO UPDATE TWO DAYS AGO SO HERE IS MY UPDATE NOW LMAOOOOO. DID U GUYS SQUEAL AT THAT LITTLE KAYNA MOMENT? CUZ I DID WHEN I WAS WRITING IT.

ANYWAYS HOW HAVE U GUYS BEEN? I MISS MY DIA-HARDS. I wish I was back in high school when I literally had so much me in the world to write. But maaaaan, uni drains the life out of me. No joke. We're almost coming to an end guys! Only 4 more chapters le , can you believe it? I know I can. It's probably me to put the Perfect series to

rest. I've been milking this series for too long now let's be real here lmaooooo. Anywaysssss See ya soon bitches. Love ya'll long me! Love, Claudia.

22. 17. The Ugly Truth

Jax broke his promise. It's 11pm and he hasn't yet come for me. I'm si ng on the steps of the pa o, my head rested on my hands as I stare at the empty driveway. I blow out a long breath and check my phone again, hoping that he'll, at the very least, reply to one of the 17 messages I le him or call me back. But the blank screen suggests otherwise. I can't believe he just le me hanging here. He said that he'll show up. This is fucking unbelievable. What is taking him so long? It's just supposed to be drinks with the guys. And he hates spending me with them. So why the hell isn't he here yet? If he forgot about me, I will seriously kill him... Mu ering curses under my breath, I stand up, walk back inside the house to grab my car keys and set out to get him. ** I pull over the side of the road, a few blocks away from Jax's house. Stepping out of the car, I let the cold wind whip past my face, disrup ng the curls that I've worked so hard to make earlier this evening. I shove the car door close and proceeded to make my way towards his place. Even though Jax and I have been together for two years now, I have yet to step foot into his house.

It's an odd thing; I've always wondered why he would never invite me over. He never gave me a solid explana on and it le room for me to think of the worst possible reasons as to why I wasn't allowed in his house. Was he embarrassed of me? Did he not want his stepdad and his mom to know about me? If so, why? I've met Jax's read dad before?Baxton?briefly. He was in town and bumped into me and Jax while we were ge ng drinks at Caffeinated. He was a very nice man, a li le bit cocky about his fame and fortune but I just assumed that was how it usually was in the Deneris family. Even though we only talked for a couple of minutes, I was sure that he liked me. There was hesita on in his eyes, but my charm eventually won him over. So why could I meet Baxton but not his stepdad or his mom? I o en asked Jax this but he always brushed me off. Jerk. My mom always told me that men who keep secrets are men not worth keeping around. I always believed her and I knew that she was right. But now that I'm with someone who does exactly that, it's not all that simple. The world isn't as black and white as it seems. It's then I realize that when you factor in the fierce love that you have for that person, you'll never want to let go. Even if he hides from you. Even if he hurts you. Even if he ruins you. I'm already at the foot of the door and I brace myself to knock on it when I hear a loud crash echo throughout the en re house, shaking it to its core. I pause, my fist an inch away from the door, as I wait for the sounds that follow a er.

"Fuck you!" Jax's familiar voice thunders through the walls. Cold, hard anger bursts from within him. "I told you to stay away from her!" "And I told you that it was none of your fucking business!" Another voice counters back fiercely, a voice that sounds foreign to me. Jax lets out a low growl. "You hit her one more me and I'll?" "You'll what?" A hoarse, humorless laugh radiates, shaking me to my core. "You'll kill me? I'd like to see you fucking try, boy!" I ptoe my way across the pa o. I shouldn't pry I shouldn't pry I shouldn't pry. But god, I want to. I've been deprived on what's been happening in Jax's life for so long that I'll take anything that will provide me a glimpse into his life. I peek through the window and hold back a gasp when I see the scene that's unfolding. Jax is standing, bloodied and bruised, in front of who seems to be his stepdad. He's a beefy man, in his mid-for es, with cold, distant eyes, rounded nose and large arms that look like they have the ability to snap my neck in a heartbeat. The sight of him already terrifies me?and I can tell from the growing fear in his eyes that Jax feels the same way. The stepdad is the first one to a ack. Jax sidesteps him quickly enough but he's doesn't act fast enough when his guardian's fist slams right to his cheek. I gasp so hard that my lungs hurt. Jax loses his foo ng and he crashes to the floor. Before he can get up, his stepdad braces his leg on Jax's back and pushes him flat unto the ground. Oh god oh god oh god oh godHe yells and he screams and he thrashes and every ins nct of mine screams to go in and save him, save him, but my feet are glued to the

ground, out of frozen fear. Jax Deneris is supposed to be invincible. But tonight, I've just witnessed that that statement is a lie. If he can't win against his stepdad, what makes me think that I can? Jax's stepdad hauls him enough high enough so he can land another hit on his face. "No mercy," the stepdad growls. "No mercy. Take everything. Give nothing. No mercy-" Jax coughs out blood. "Fuck off! Fuck off?" "No mercy. Take everything. Give nothing. No mercy-" "Get the fuck away from me!" He screams, his voice already hoarse. The words doesn't faze his stepdad. Hit a er hit a er hit is inflicted on him along with those words, that chant. The same chant that Jax repeats over and over again as he beats the shit out of Damien. Everything suddenly makes sense now?the bruises, the scars, the lies. All because of this. All because he wanted to hide this. "You hear me boy?" He slaps Jax. "No mercy. No fucking mercy. The world is going to fuck you over. The only way to own it is to own violence." "That's how you jus fy hi ng my mother?" Jax spits out, his en re face caked in blood. "No," he says. "That's how you jus fy bea ng the shit out of that guy in the ring tonight. And the many others before that. You just don't want to admit that. That's the only fucking difference between you and I." "I'm glad. Because I don't want to be you."

"Who says you aren't?" He scoffs. "We hurt what hurts us and we hurt who loves us. That's just the way we are." "You're wrong," Jax croaks out. His stepdad merely laughs. "I wouldn't be so sure about your answer if I were you." And with that, he lets go off Jax, le ng him fall back to the ground again, and storms away. A tear leaks down my eye and I make no a empt to wipe it away. I'm so overwhelmed, overwhelmed with a million emo ons that I can't keep quite at bay. I don't know exactly how to feel. Remorse, because I feel bad for him? Sorrow, because I grieve for him? Or anger, because he hid it all away from me? I peer through the window again, silent tears falling past my cheeks as I watch Jax a empt to get up from the ground. He winces out of pain as he musters the last of his energy to pull himself into a si ng posi on. When he does, he stares off into the distance, the unmistakable rage burning alive in the dark depths of his eyes. Anger that I recognize all too well?anger as he drives his fist through his opponent; as he slams his leg into someone's ribcage, as he knocks someone out cold to claim his victory. His stepdad had planted the seeds of that anger and rage in him? brainwashing him, indoctrina ng him. He is the reason Jax is who he is today: cold-hearted, merciless. I can't stand here any longer. I need?I need to get out of here. Of all the things I'd expected him to keep from me, I didn't think it would be this.

I catch a last glimpse of Jax one last me, a myriad of feelings washing over me again, before I disappear into the night. *** I haven't seen Jax in three days. I can't see him, not a er what I've witnessed a few days ago. There's a ba le of conflic ng emo ons ensuing inside of me, a emp ng to make sense of everything that's happened. He's been blowing up my phone with so many messages and calls that I eventually turned the damned thing off. He has no idea what caused me to be so distant. A li le part of me is happy knowing that he has finally tasted his own medicine. I s ll can't fathom what I saw unfold between Jax and his stepfather. This wasn't just a one- me thing?from the looks of it, it's been happening for quite some me now. A million ques ons run through my mind. How can Jax put up with it? He's the embodiment of strength; how can he let someone take that away from him? Does his real father know anything about this? Probably not, otherwise his stepdad would be in jail by now. Should I call the cops on him? I could if I want to. But I can't, not unless I'm certain this is what Jax wants too. Fuck, I should talk to him. I really should. But at the same me, I don't want to. I can't deny that I'm furious that he didn't tell me this was happening to him. Why does he not trust me? I've done everything that I can for the past two and a half years to prove my loyalty and love to him by sharing everything with him, and he doesn't return it equally. He is a shadow?always there, but always hiding. And I hate that.

I hate him. No, fuck, I don't. I love him. I'm in love with him. Can a person feel both at the same me? "Hey," Beth says hesitantly as she knocks on my bedroom door. She leans by the doorframe, crossing her arms, a worried expression plastered on her face, "Are y-you okay?" I nod. "I'm fine." A lie. Contribu ng to the other many countless lies I've told my family and my friends regarding Jax. "You're not fine." She shakes her head. She se les herself on the foot of my bed and sigh. "You haven't been f-fine for a long me." Goddammit, Beth. "Well, I have to be alright?" I tell her. "You know, you d-don't have to have it together all the me, Si," she murmurs, placing a hand on my knee. "Some mes, it's good to be vvulnerable." Vulnerability makes you weak. And you will be taken advantaged off when you're weak. It's what they want, Jax used to tell me all the me. He said it so much that I really started to believe him. "Yeah, well... I beg to differ," I say. "Hey, if you want to t-talk, I'm here, alright?" She takes my hand and squeezes it. "Or, we can Skype mom. She'll be more than happy to g-give you advice."

I groan. I haven't been listening to any advice that she's told me about rela onships. I feel somewhat guilty. I know that if I tell her what's going on with me and Jax now, she'll tell me to break it off with him. Which is something I'm not sure I want to do. "No, not mom." I tell my sister firmly. "Look, I can handle this on my own. I promise. I'll talk to you later, alright?" Beth frowns, somewhat hurt that I'm not seeking for her company and advice. "Okay. F-fine. I'll be i-in my room." When she's gone, I fall back onto my pillow, blowing out a breath of frustra on. I'm stuck in a rut; I have no idea what to do. I wish it wasn't this complicated. I wish I was da ng a simple man with a good heart. A man who treats me right, who is always honest with me and who always has my back. I wished Jax was all of those things. But I wonder if he did inhabit all those quali es, would I have fallen in love with him? Probably not. I've always been drawn to wickedness and danger. I've always been drawn to bad. I guess the idea of being with bad wasn't as remarkable as I thought it would be. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam! The con nuous pounding of the front door tears me away from my thoughts. I groan, pressing my face further into my pillow. "Beth, tell whoever the fuck that is to go away!" Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam! "Beth!" I call her name out again. I hear her door opening and footsteps trailing towards the door. Muffled voices, then a pair of heavy footsteps storming into the living room, ge ng closer and closer to my room.

Someone knocks on my door and I swear under my breath as I drag myself out of bed to open it. And when I do, Jax's worried face stares back at me. "Princess," he breathes. "Why the fuck have you not been returning my calls?" His eyebrows furrow in confusion as he searches my eyes for answers. He looks be er than he did three days ago. The nasty bruise that his stepdad le on his cheek had faded and his lip is s ll swollen?but healing. I guess I should have known that he would come looking for me eventually. But to be honest, I can't really tell anymore. He's been hot and cold with me for months now that I really can't predict what he says or does anymore. I'm so not prepared for this conversa on. I honestly cannot deal with him right now. Not when every me I see his face, I want to hurl. Not when my mind constantly screams liar! whenever he speaks. "I'm red," I say, pretending to yawn. I desperately hope that he'll take the hint. "Can we have this conversa on tomorrow?" "No," he says, pushing his way into the room. "You're just going to blow me off again.We're having this conversa on now." I peer over his shoulder. Behind him, Beth cowers behind her door, listening intently to our conversa on. When I shoot her a what am I supposed to do look, she merely shrugs, mouths a good luck to me, and slips back into her room. "Jax?" I start off as Jax shuts the door behind him."Look?" "Did I do something wrong?" His kohl eyes search mine for answers. He's pacing, scratching his head, puzzlement wri en all over his face. He's so confused and to be honest, I feel a tad bit sorry for him. But not enough to yield this me. Irrita on flashes in his eyes when I do not respond. "Tell me, Sienna. Tell me what did I do. Because I'm red of you ignoring me!"

"Jax?" "No." He shakes his head. "No more excuses, Sienna. Please. " Oh, the irony. Rage simmers within the depths of my body. "That's such a hypocri cal response, don't you think so?" I snap at him. Jax only looks more puzzled. "What does that suppose to mean?" "Oh, come on!" I say, huffing out a laugh. "Don't act stupid. You've been lying to me about where you get your bruises from for a long me now. I know where you get them from Jax. I saw it with my own fucking eyes. I saw your stepdad hit you." Suddenly, Jax's whole body immediately s ffens. His whole body is rigid, unmoving as he stands in front of me, frozen in place. "How?? How?" "You forgot to pick me up a er the finals. So I went over to your place and I saw him hur ng you. Abusing you. And suddenly everything clicked into place," I breathe. "The lies you told. The bruises on your back. Why I wasn't allowed to come over to your house. Everything." He clenched his teeth. Cold anger seeps into his eyes, burning alive like wild embers. "You have no right to pry into my life like that. No right." "Excuse me?" I say, baffled. "I didn't have to pry if you just told me what was going on with you in the first place! You hid from me ever since we started da ng so forgive me if I just wanted to know what the fuck was happening with you." "You s ll had no right to do that!" "What am I supposed to do? Wait for you to tell me? Were you even ever going to tell me?" I yell at him. He mu ers a string of curse words under his breath and turns his back on me, both his hands behind his back as he

paces about, as if wondering how the hell is he going to get out of this situa on. "You and I both know damn well you were going to keep this a secret from me forever." "That's because it's none of your goddamn business, Sienna!" He yells back. His words are sharp and lethal as he throws them at me and each of them makes its mark on my fragile body. I pour out hurt from my wounds. "What happens in my family is none of your concern." I can't believe this. I really can't believe this. "I don't want to put myself in your family ma ers but you have to tell me something. You know, in case you haven't fucking heard, a rela onship is about communica on. And trust," I glower at him. He places one steady hand against the wall, his head lted slightly to my direc on. Guilt flickers in his eyes, but only for a split second before it vanishes again. "I trust you. I tell you everything about my life. And yet, I don't know anything about you. I don't know why you fight. I don't know why you have such a bad rela onship with your real father. I don't know anything about your childhood, how you grew up, what made you change to become the person you are today. How is that even possible when we've been da ng for almost three years now?" He stays silent; I've made him speechless. I wish I didn't because I want to hear him speak his mind. To defend himself. Anything that can explain why he keeps things from me. I shake my head, disappointment washing over me. I drop to the edge of the bed, defeated. "You don't trust me. You say you do, but you really don't. You only choose to tell me things that helps you keep this... image of yours. This perfect self?this victorious, charming, fierce and strong self?a self that I thought was I actually real. But you're far from that. You're screwed up. You're a broken doll. Just like me. Just like the rest of us. You're just too stubborn to admit it." I don't stop there. I unleash all the words that I've been too afraid to speak ever since I met him and I use it to hurt him?hit him where I hope it

actually hurts. "If you've kept this thing with your stepdad from me, I can only imagine how much more you're keeping from me. There's no trust here. It's only one-sided," I say, barely a whisper. Tears swim in my eyes, threatening to spill down my cheeks. I suck in a breath, hoping to inhale back in the tears as well. I look at Jax again?he's s ll angry, but he's keeping it contained. I don't want him to keep it contained. I want him to explode. At least then I'll know that my words have impacted him?have hurt him. But instead, he stands there, mo onless. His mouth is parted open and he looks as if he is about to say something, but he can't quite find the words to convey what he's feeling. Or he doesn't want to. Bastard. "Do you even love me?" I whisper. A tear falls down my cheek. I let it drip down my jaw. I want him to see exactly how he's ruining me. "I've always said it to you. And you never say it back. Or if you do, it's completely halfassed. I keep making excuses for you, you know. Oh, maybe he's just not in the mood to say I love you to me today. Maybe he's red. Maybe he's not ready," I say, my eyes burning right through his. "Are any of those excuses even true?" "I love you," he says, but it seems robo c, his words untrue. He walks over to me, slowly, and he lays his hand on my cheek, wiping the tears away. "I love you." Bullshit. "I can't even tell if you're honest or you're s ll lying to me." I push his hand away. Tears claim my face, unable to stop. "You confuse me, Jax. You want me but you hide from me. You love me, and yet you don't trust me. What am I to you, really? Am I really your girlfriend? Or am I some kind of prized possession? You said it yourself: I was the only girl who rejected all your advances. And you were all for the chase. Now that you've finally had your hands on me, you don't want any of the hard stuff that comes with a

rela onship. You just want all the fun things: the kissing, the sex. Well guess what, Jax? It ain't fucking rainbows and sunshines! You have to commit to me if you want his rela onship to work! And that includes sharing things with me. Opening up to me. Loving me. You promised all those things when you asked me to be with you. Am I fool to think that those promises are now empty?" "I screwed up! I get it!" Jax yells, throwing his hands in the air out of exaspera on. "I know I did and I'm sorry. But fuck, you have to understand that you are my first rela onship, Sienna. Ever. So forgive me if I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to do when it comes to maintaining one." Oh hell no. He's not playing that card with me. "You had three years to figure this out! Unless you're a complete fucking idiot?which, by the way, I'm almost convinced now that you are?you should know how a func oning rela onship works by now! Jesus fucking Christ, Jax." My heart is thundering from the boiling rage beneath me. "I've never been in a rela onship too. But I know one thing's for sure: if you don't share things with me, if you don't love me, if you're not willing to put up a fight for me, then you shouldn't be was ng any more of my me. I can't keep chasing a er you anymore. I'm so... red." "Sienna," he croaks out. "Sienna, please. Don't do this. " I shake my head. I'm giving him a chance right here, right now, to tell me that he'll do all those things I wish he would do, but he doesn't give me anything. And yet he's tethering onto me, expec ng that I'll forget what he's done and give into him. A li le part of me wants to; I can feel myself breaking, li le by li le, because I don't want to lose this man. His eyes are s ll pinned on me, his eyes hypno zing. So much hope and promises he carry in those kohl embers that I'm almost convinced that they're all real. But I know be er. I can't watch?I tear my gaze away from him because I'm afraid if I look at him any longer, I'll succumb to him and his pre y lies.

My mind slumps with exhaus on. If he's not going to give me an answer right now, I'm not going to wait any longer to find out. It's his turn to chase a er me, if he s ll chooses to con nue with this rela onship. I guess we'll see. "You need to leave," I breathe. His eyes are sharp, perplexed as he stares me down. I turn away from him, hugging my body with my arms, refusing to crumble because of this man. "Please." He opens his mouth to protest but I li my hand to stop him. "Don't try to say anything else. I'm done for tonight." He clamps his mouth shut, and his bewildered eyes trace mine a while longer as he can't quite believe he's ge ng kicked out. When it has finally hit him that I was being serious, he scratches the back of his head and huffs out a breath. "Fine," he says. "Fine. I'll go." He turns on his heel and without another word, he leaves. And when he's gone, I allow the tears to pour down my face, an avalanche of pain and anger?but it can't compare to the hurricane of feelings storming in my heart. *** A/N: OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY I HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY MIA FOR THE WHOLE YEAR HOMAIGOSH THERE IS NO EXCUSEEEEE

IM SO SORRY MY DIA-HARDS!!! Uni life has been INCREDIBLY HECTIC and I seriously wanna dieee with all the workload I have.�

BUT ALAS the truth about Jax has finally been revealed! It's not too long before Perfect Ruin is officially done and over with (cuz lets face it I have not been happy with myself that I let it drag THIS far). ALSO great freaking news but the Perfect series is gonna be officially published in FRENCH by Hache e! So to all my French-speaking peeps, you can get the copy of Perfect Illusion some me beginning of next year!!

I will TRY MY BEST to update soon again! I promise! I won't let you down! Glad to be back on Wa pad again. See you soon my lovelies. Love, Claudia.

23. 18. Ruin JAX'SPOV I've ruined everything. � � I sit at the steps of Sienna's front porch, my face buried in my hands. Ques ons run through my mind, all of them I don't have the answer to or if I do, refuse to accept them for what they are. A string of curse words blast out of me. Fucking hell, how did I manage to fuck shit up so bad with Sienna? � � I've never seen her get this angry with me before. With a pantymel ng grin and a few sweet nothings, I can never fail to make her smile again and forgive me. My hold on her has been so powerful; I'm invincible when it comes to her. � � But not tonight. � � Tonight, I've never felt more broken. � � Her words rang true to me. Of the lies I've told her. Of the secrets that I've kept hidden from her. Of my en re life, I've painted for her?only to realize that it was all a facade. I've never wanted her to see the cracks in my armor. I've always wanted her to see what I wanted her to see about me?someone who was strong, capable, untouchable. Someone who had everything he ever wanted and nothing less of that. � � Tonight, my facade has completely sha ered. � � Tonight, she saw who I really was?a liar. A manipulator. � � A monster. � � A humorless, dry laugh escapes my lips. ��

� � Why am I not surprised at this? Throughout my whole life, I've managed to fuck up everything and anyone who'd even come close to loving me. � � My dad hates me. My mom refuses to speak to me. My stepfather lashes out at me whenever he wishes because he knows what a screwed up stepson I am. � � This is why I never get a ached. This is why I just fuck and leave. I never commit; it's too much of a burden. Because I know nobody would be able to cure the demons inside of me. One look beneath this dark soul and fractured layers and it sends them running. � � And they always go running. � � No fucking doubt. � � Why did I even will myself to believe that things might be different with Sienna? Sure, she was unlike any other girl I've ever met. Her soul was like mine?sinister, damaged. If anyone could understand where I came from, it would be her. And I guess she did, in a way. Perhaps that was why she tolerated me for so long now. Countless of mes, she has tried to reach out to me. Save me. � � But what she doesn't know is I can't be saved. � � I'm not who she thinks I am. � � I'm worse. � � I'm a rogue flame. A piece of hardened flesh with no love to give. Cleansing me will only do more harm than good. � � The darkness isn't inside of me; it has become me. � � I'm Jax Deneris and I was born to wither and burn. � � I don't belong to anyone. I'm wild. Deranged. Untamable. ��

� � If I can't change for Sienna, I might as well stop trying before I lose myself again. � � It's about damn me I've learnt to embrace the darkness inside of me � � and � � be

� � wicked. � � Suddenly, I find myself at the front door again. I curl my hand into a fist and pound on the door.

� � Knock. � � Knock. � � Knock. � � I know who will answer. � � I'm coun ng on it. � � And when I see the familiar flash of white-blonde hair and bright blue, doe-like eyes, a twisted grin forms on my face. � � "Jax?" Beth whispers. "I thought you le ?" � � "Yeah, well, I'm back again." � � She shrugs. "I don't think Sienna wants to see you right now?" � � "That's fine," I say, reaching forward to tug a stray hair behind her ear. I step forward and I can already feel how much of an effect I've had on her with just that minute gesture. Heightened breathing. Lips parted open. Eyes wide and curious, but hopeful. A part of me screams don't do it! You'll

never recover from this! but I shove the voice away. and lock it in a cage deep within depths of me. I'm done trying to be good. I wasn't made to love; I was made to destroy. And destroy I will. "I'm here to see you. Care to let me in, Elizabeth?" *** A/N: Hello, my lovelies! Sorry for being completely MIA. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I've been so caught up with life that I forgot I s ll had you guys. But I'm back and I wanna make up for it!�

The next chapter WILL BE THE LAST CHAPTER OF THIS BOOK. I'm pre y sad that Jax and Kayden and Sienna's story is finally coming to an end with the end of Perfect Ruin but I'm grateful for the constant support that u guys have given me to flesh out these characters that I've loved and adored for years now. Their story is almost done, it's crazy! Stay tuned for the last chapter, which will be posted some me this week! Love you so much, my Dia-hards!

Claudia.�

24. 19. Perfect S I E N N A ' S�� P O V The days pass by in an achingly slow pace. I go through the mo ons of my daily rou ne for the summer?wake up, head to UF gym to train some newbies, hang out with Braydon and Trevor, come back home and crash on my bed. Some mes, when I'm not all that exhausted, I chill on the couch with Beth and binge-watch Ne lix shows but lately she's been out a lot and I have no idea why. Every me I ask who is she spending all these late nights with, she just stammers out a half-assed lie and runs off, leaving me to wonder all on my own. Off the top of my head, I think there's finally a guy in the picture. During that horrible night when I told Jax to leave a er I confronted him, I heard someone sneaking into her room. I was going to stay up to listen to what was happening but the fight with Jax worn me out so much that I slept through the whole thing. By the me I woke up the next morning, the stranger was gone. Honestly, if I'm assuming right, I'm happy that she's finally found someone she can connect with. It's about damn me anyway. Her obsession with Jax had gone on for far too long. Speaking of the devil himself, I haven't talked to him in two weeks. It's not all that hard to avoid him really. I have a strong feeling he's doing the same to me. A li le part of me is disappointed; I thought he would fight harder for me a er everything that I've told him during our huge fight. I was so confident that he was going to come back begging the next day to be with me again. At least, that was what I had hoped would happen. Why hasn't he called? Why hasn't he tried to make amends?

Why why why? I pretend that I don't miss him but I do. So fucking much. So much so to the point that it's difficult to func on without him. I hadn't realize how much I had depended on him. He was my crutch; now that he's gone, I can barely make it on my own two feet. I don't know what to do without him. He's carved himself so deep in my heart that he has become a part of me; take him away from me and I cease to exist. I need him. I need to see him. "No, you can't." Braydon pushes me back onto the sofa, her eyes cold as she glares at me. "Why the fuck not?" I fold my arms over my chest and seethe at her. "Because it's not good for you!" She exclaims. "Plus, you told me not to let you go if you had any urge to see him. You told me yourself: he has to come to you instead!" "Well, I've changed my mind!" I whine desperately. "I'm telling you to let me go now!" "Sienna, no." She says, sighing as she sits on the arm of the couch. Her eyes are now filled with pity when she looks at me. "You can't go back to him. A er what he's done to you? All the hurt? The lies? The manipula on?" "But he's helped me so much!" I cry out. I want to slap myself for defending him, but I just miss him so much. My heart has never stopped aching ever since he le ?and I just need the damn ache to stop. "He made me so strong." "You call this strong?" She gestures to me, her hands wavering about in a sugges ve manner. "Look at you, girl! The only thing he's ever done is made you codependent on him. Sure, he's toughened you up. But all that

strength he's showed you?it's all tethered to him. And now that he's gone, he's taken all that strength with him. You're an empty shell, Sienna. You're nothing without him." "I know that! Which is why I need to see him," I say, lunging for the door again. Braydon a empts to grab me by the hand but I deflect her arm just as easily as I'm ba ng away a piece of cobweb from the wall. "What is wrong with you?" Braydon storms a er me as I'm headed straight for the door. "This is not the Sienna I know! The Sienna I know wouldn't let some guy stomp all over her like that! The Sienna I know would stand her own damn ground, hold two middle fingers in the air and tell any guy who isn't the least bit deserving of her to fuck off!" I whip around and point an accusing finger straight to her chest, nostrils flaring. "That Sienna is dead. Get used to the new one." "Oh and who is the new Sienna?" Braydon says, scoffing, her eyebrows arching. "Oh wait, let me guess?the new Sienna is someone who is a pushover. Who runs off to the guy who has betrayed her trust and her love for three whole years. The Sienna who won't listen to her friend's advice even if she knows will benefit her in the goddamned long-run. The Sienna who is stubborn, who only listens to herself and who doesn't care about anyone else except for her and her fucked-up boyfriend." I s ffen at her words. Does she really think that way about me? I'm halftempted to tell her that all those things she'd men on aren't me. But how can I deny her words when deep down, I know that in fact, her words are the cold, naked truth? A long breath escapes from me. My mind is whirling in a hurricane of madness. I can't tell apart right or wrong anymore, sane or insane. All I know is that I need the pain to stop. It has been suffoca ng me this whole week now; I just want to be able to breathe again. I will not allow myself to become this empty shell like when my parents divorced. I want to be the me when I was with Jax?the Herculean me, the invincible me.

I now understand why Jax had so desperately wanted to be all those things. He needed the pain of his past to disappear, at least momentarily, so he built up his armor so nothing could ever hurt him again. A week ago, I ridiculed him for his ac ons. Now, all I want to do right now is to follow in his footsteps. There is only one difference between his and mine; while he could built his armor on his own, I simply can't. Because he's my armor. My shield. My everything. "Is that Sienna really so bad?" I tell her. Braydon merely sighs. "You know what?" She says, rubbing her chin, a defeated look already washing over her face. "Do whatever you want, Sienna. You and I both know that no ma er what I say, you're s ll going to go back to him. Even if it ruins you." I've already set up my mind. I'm going a er him. I don't care what anyone else thinks. When he sees me again, I know everything's going to be okay. "I don't care," I say, turning on my heel and heading for the door. "Let him ruin me." And with that, I leave. ** Two hours later, I come back empty-handed. I've looked everywhere. I checked his place, Lean Machines and Breaking Point. I've even went back to my place to see if he's wai ng for me to come back so that he could apologize to me. To my dismay, he wasn't there either.

Braydon has officially given up on me and le the premises. I feel somewhat guilty that I made her stay all morning for the purpose of not le ng me out of the apartment in case I wanted to go a er Jax, only to get her really angry with me when I was persistent to leave. She's upset and disappointed with me now?and the long text message that she sent proved just that. I know you love him, Sienna. But he's toxic for you. I've never seen you like this before, and it scares me. Please, listen to me. If you haven't already go en back together with him, I'm telling you to really think this through. Do you want to go through the pain of him keeping secrets from you again? Do you want to live in this bubble of fear, knowing that you have no clue of where he's been or what he's doing? I know love makes us crazy?it makes everything else feel senseless and it makes us do stupid thingsI've done horrible, unspeakable things to get Trevor back when I feel like he's pulling away from me?things that I'm not proud of. I wish I had someone to tell me not to do those things back then. But I didn't. And here I am now. I don't know what I'm going to do with him. Some mes, I hate him so much that I wish I never even met him. But I love him too much to let him go. To let him be with other girls, even if I've promised him an open rela onship. I want him all to myself, my crazy selfish self, and I'm slowly going insane from all the drama and lethality that is Trevor Hopkins. Don't make the same mistakes as me. Get out while you can. Because you of all people know you deserve so much more than Jax 'Deadbeat' Deneris. x Bray. I delete the text message and bury my face in my pillow. I will myself to believe that Braydon's wrong. That whatever that's been happening with her and Trevor cannot apply to me and Jax. Every rela onship is different? it's just a ma er of how to make it work. Clearly, Braydon's doing

something wrong with her rela onship. That's why their rela onship is a me- cking bomb wai ng to explode. But I can save my rela onship. I can. I love Jax too much not to try. Sure, we may have our setbacks?last week's fight just happened to be a really big one?but I'm confident that I can heal this ri between us. We can work through our problems. We'll do therapy if we have to. I can't let this threeyear rela onship go to waste. If I do, I will feel like a failure. If I do, I will feel like I'm my parents. And I will never be my parents. I've made a promise to myself two years ago and I'm not going to break it now. I won't give up on Jax. I'll fight for him un l my lungs give out and my breath is stolen away from me. I'll fight for him because it's the only thing I've ever known to do ever since I met him, and I owe it to myself to be the person I've promised him that I would be: a goddamned fighter. Hours later, my energy is replenished and I'm ready to set out to find Jax again. I bolt out of my bed and as I head over to the kitchen counter to grab my car keys, I hear voices from outside the door. Curiosity ge ng the be er of me, I sneak a peak through the peephole to see what the commo on is all about. At first, I think that the noise is coming from my neighbors, but as my eyes narrow and focus on the two girls in front of me, I'm shocked to find that it's not them at all. It's Braydon and Beth. "?Need to tell her!" Braydon screams. "If I didn't catch the both of you?" "I know!" Beth hisses back. Her top is le unbu oned and her hair is le unkept?untamed. That's so unlike her at all. I press my ear against the door, straining to hear what they're talking about but I can only make out certain words. "But I can't... you can't either... such a vulnerable state right now?" "...doesn't make it any less true..."

"...can't stop...!" They begin yelling at each other again, but their voices overlap too much that I can't tell what their conversa on is about. A er a while, I give up. This doesn't concern me. I have more pressing ma ers at hand to deal with. I grab the car keys and open the door, surprising the both of them. "S-sienna," Beth says, a surprised smile gracing her lips. "I didn't think you'd be home." "Yeah well, I'm heading out," I mumble, cas ng a sharp look at Braydon, who refuses to look my way. She appears very tense and guilty. I ignore her. "To go see Jax." Braydon lts her head towards Beth, her eyes narrowing at her. "I think she knows where he is." "You do?" I stare at my sister, hopeful. Slowly, she nods. "I...um... r-ran into him on the way back. He's h-heading to Lean Machines." "Thanks for le ng me know," I say, kissing her on the cheek. "You're the best." Braydon mumbles something under her breath that I can't quite catch. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" "Nothing." She quickly waves me off. "Go off and find Jax. It's what the both of you?I mean, you?are good at." Her gaze flickers from Beth to me. My eyebrows arch in confusion, however, I refuse to let the weirdness linger. But as I walk away from the both of them, I have a harrowing feeling that I'm being kept away from something huge?something so immense that the

magnitude of it might just sha er me completely. ** I find him at the place Beth said he would be. His favorite place; his very own sanctuary: the gym. The owner knows me well enough. One brief glance at me and he waves me through. I thank him quietly and head towards the huge boxing ring in the middle, where Jax's vague shadow dances in a blurry haze as he prac ces his offense techniques. As I inch closer towards him, I am suddenly acutely aware of every cell belonging to my body?the sheen of sweat gliding down the side of my face all the way to my chin, the creases on my tank top, the lightning-paced bea ng of my heart. I wish I wasn't this nervous around him. I know I shouldn't be like this; why should a girlfriend be nervous of her boyfriend? That shouldn't be the way it works at all. Jax is so focused on his training that he doesn't even no ce me un l I'm right below the ring. Sweat pools behind his murky-white T-shirt and beads of sweat drop down the blonde strands of his hair that fall past his eyes. When his eyes spot me, he stops everything that he's doing. The weight of his stare almost causes me to combust right there and then. "Princess," he breathes. Immediately, he stops whatever he's doing?his boxing gloves drop to the ground, his sweat wiped of his brow and next thing I know, he leaps of the boxing ring and he's coming straight for me. Long, fast strides?ferocious, determined eyes connect with mine. I open my mouth to speak but his huge hands are already cupping my face and he lowers his head to smash his lips with mine. Oh god.

He sucks the life out of me with that earth-sha ering kiss; his lips mashing with mine greedily, as if he can't quite get enough of me. I kiss him back with equal intensity, allowing all of my doubts and worries to fall away from me and disappear. In that moment, I could care less about all the horrible things he's done. In that moment, all of the lies and the manipula on has ceased to exist. Our ache for one another overpowers everything else, coiling around our bea ng hearts, stealing all possible ra onale away from our minds and laying claim through our entwined bodies. In that moment, it's just me and him?the worst parts of ourselves exposed for each other to bear. My vulnerable, broken spirit. His invincible, sha ered self. Both souls unable to coexist with each other, and at the same me, unable to exist without one another. He's mine; I'm his; and anyone who tells me that we're wrong for each other can burn in a thousand hells. Because to me, we're perfect. To me, we're both monsters who thrive on all the appalling means and deplorable things?and if that just so happens to be each other, then so be it. Catastrophe flourishes on the wicked and the vicious?and the apocalyp c, treacherous love we have for each other will just damn this whole world. "I'm sorry," I blurt out when we part to catch our breaths. I don't even know what I'm sorry for. Did I even do anything wrong? Maybe. I don't know. I don't care as long as I get to fix this. "I'm so sorry." "I'm sorry too," he murmurs, pressing sweet kisses down my jaw. He doesn't stop?his lips are apologe c, guilt causing his en re body to tremble. "I want to be with you, princess. I do." I don't know if his words are true. I want to believe that they are, but I'm so delusional that I can't make sense of anything anymore. I look into his beau ful, dark kohl eyes, and I see promises. Promises that I'm unsure he

would keep but hoping he will. I'll give him a chance?as many as he wants from me. Because there is no way I'm le ng what we have go. "Tell me you love me," I say as Jax con nues peppering kisses everywhere on my face. He nods and as his lips meet my lips once again, I sigh, my shoulders li ed off all of the weight when he repeats the three words over and over again. "I love you," he rasps against my lips. "Tell me you won't lie to me." "I won't lie to you." More promises. "Tell me you'll never leave me." "I'll never leave you." "Promise me we won't fight again." "Promise," he says, claiming my lips again. "From now on, we'll be perfect." Perfect. I like that. I fall into him and let his beau ful words carry me far, far away, into this surreal utopia that is the just both of us. And as he takes me away, I become lost, lost with him, in him and his demented love and there's no other place I'd rather be?even if there are far worse things that are yet to come. ?????????? T H E E N D ?????????? A/N: And that officially wraps up Perfect Ruin! Thank you guys so much for being with me throughout this en re journey! I know it has been more than a year since I started this book so thank you for being so pa ent with me and s cking un l the end.

I feel this sense of closure now a er finishing Perfect Ruin, because I have told Sienna's story - from the past to the present to the future - and it has finally come full circle for me. I understand her be er and because of that, I understand Jax be er too. Throughout wri ng Perfect Addic on, I struggled to write the character of Jax because I saw him as a malicious evil villain, but since star ng Redemp on and Ruin, he is by far the most complex character I've ever wri en about and my favourite character from the series. Which is why it's heartbreaking for me to not only let go of him, but all these characters that I have wri en since 2015. I know many of you will be wondering what is next, and I have promised you more, but tbh, I don't know when I can deliver my promises. I think I have grown a lot as a writer since Perfect Illusion and I think I obviously want to write more maturely as well, which means rediscovering my own voice again. I kindly ask for some me while I work on that before pu ng up more content for you guys. Thank you for being there for me. You guys are a constant source of support and I love each and every one of you. The journey isn't over! I have a ton of stories to tell - and tell them I will. See you soon, my Dia-Hards! Love, Claudia.