Baby Sleep Miracle [PDF]

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TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION.........................................................................................................................................5 CHAPTER 1 – THE DANGERS OF SLEEP DEPRIVATION........................................................................7 CHAPTER 2 – UNDERSTANDING SLEEP................................................................................................12 CHAPTER 3 – GENERAL SLEEP RULES FOR NEWBORNS AND INFANTS........................................18 Rule 1 – Create A Flexible Sleeping And Feeding Routine.......................................................19 Rule 2 – Nursing Is Not The Only Soothing Technique............................................................22 Rule 3 – Pacifier Is For Soothing, Not Sleeping.........................................................................24 Rule 4 – Feed Your Baby Upon Waking.......................................................................................25 Rule 5 – Put Your Baby Down Drowsy, But Awake...................................................................25 Rule 6 – One Bottle A Day.............................................................................................................26 Rule 7 – The Sleep Friendly Environment...................................................................................27 CHAPTER 4 – GOOD SLEEP AT EVERY AGE.........................................................................................30 The First Month...............................................................................................................................31 The Second Month.........................................................................................................................33 The Third Month.............................................................................................................................37 The Fourth And Fifth Months.......................................................................................................40 Six To Eight Months.......................................................................................................................44 Nine To Twelve Months.................................................................................................................56 Thirtheen To Eighteen Months....................................................................................................66 One And A Half To Two And A Half Years Old........................................................................... 78 Two And A Half To Five Years Old...............................................................................................90 The Benefits Of Laughter At Bedtime (For All Ages).............................................................100 FINAL THOUGHTS..................................................................................................................................102 REFERENCES AND RESOURCES.........................................................................................................102 © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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INTRODUCTION Sleepless nights Once so rare, and now so common; once so distant, but now so present. Before you became a parent, your experiences with sleepless nights were probably few and far between.

Maybe you had a cold and you couldn’t sleep, but you took a day off and recovered. Maybe you spent a night traveling, but you went home and slept. And so on. Seeing your sleep-deprived friends who had children, you were asking yourself: “Why can’t they just put their kid to sleep?” “How hard could it be?” Now you know.

You’re a parent. A loving and caring parent. And you do everything you can to make sure your child gets nothing but the best. Because you want to see your child grow up healthy and happy. And yet, sleep is a problem—a big problem. What’s worse, your child’s sleeping issue is not only a problem in itself, but it also falls onto you, emotionally and physically.

© Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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You’re tired, but hungry for answers You’ve read other books, talked to other parents, and scoured the Internet for solutions. But somehow, frustratingly, your sleep problems remain unresolved. You want this to change, but you love your child more than anything and your brain can’t overlook what your heart is guiding you to do. When it’s 2:00 AM and your child isn’t sleeping, your mind may tell you that spending hours rocking or walking with him isn’t the best solution, but your heart insists it is because he’s crying and you must help him. So you ask yourself, “What should I do?” The answer is simple: To help your child sleep—and to help yourself in the process—you need to bring these two, seemingly opposite approaches, together.

Meet Baby Sleep Miracle This book is specifically designed to help you reconcile your heart and your mind, and focus them in the same direction. It will help you solve your child’s sleeping problems easily, efficiently and quickly.

Drawing from current research on sleep and developmental psychology from Harvard University and Stanford University, Baby Sleep Miracle will show you that balance and consistency are not only important, but absolutely essential. Finding a happy medium between head and heart is the best way to help a child sleep better, because it doesn’t force parents into the extremes of either cold, clinical approaches (“He’s gotta sleep, so he’s gotta cry it out alone”) or completely ignoring the family’s need for sleep (“We don’t care if we’re all exhausted, we’ll just keep holding him because we love him and don’t want to see him cry”). It’s this essential balance that gives parents the confidence to know that they’re doing what’s best for their children, and that confidence helps families sleep well. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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CHAPTER 1 – THE DANGERS OF SLEEP DEPRIVATION

The National Institute of Health (NIH) states that “sleep deficiency is linked to an increased risk of heart disease, kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and stroke.”

Moreover, there is a growing body of scientific evidence showing that inadequate sleep results in tiredness, attention-related difficulties, irritability, and overall difficulty in controlling emotions. Sadly, this is as true for children as it is for adults. With these uncomfortable statistics, it is critically important for parents to get a handle on this issue. Like breathing and eating, sleeping is a fundamental biological function, and a family’s health, happiness, and wellbeing depend on all of these basic needs being met. In fact, sleeping could be thought of as another form of nutrition. If you don’t refuel, your body will eventually begin to shut down certain systems, making you feel not only tired, but also irritable. And if you push too hard and for too long, you’ll eventually crash. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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How Sleep Debt Affects Your Marriage

Without a doubt, becoming parents is the biggest transition you’ll ever go through as a couple. The impact of this monumental event can bring you closer together, or it can generate more stress and conflict than you’ve ever experienced in your relationship. Your ability to successfully sail through the rough sea that is the initial stage of parenthood, into early childhood and beyond, depends on your willingness to look honestly at what you need as individuals and as a couple to keep your marriage healthy and strong While there has been a good deal written about the effects of sleep deprivation on babies and children, there is very little written about the effects on parents over the long-term. However, one thing is clear: if one part of the family breaks down, the entire structure can easily fall apart. Think of each family member as a spoke in a wheel. If one spoke becomes damaged or breaks, then the whole wheel rotates unevenly.

Similarly, if even one family member is off balance, it causes the whole family to be out of balance.

© Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Just think of tumbling domino pieces. Now apply this concept to sleep. When your child isn’t sleeping, you and your spouse—exhausted as well—are likely to feel frustrated and irritable with each other. And when you, as parents, experience those difficult emotions on a daily basis, the situation will affect the way you relate to your child over time. Feeling physically and emotionally broken (though of course you still love your child madly), you might be too tired to feel excited to see him early in the morning, or to have the patience to allow her to happily bang on pots and pans all afternoon. Due to your exhaustion-influenced mood, you may even find yourself yelling at your child, which then makes both you and your child feel guilty and ashamed. When you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, you miss out many of the joyful moments that come with being a parent. Walks can feel like a heavy load; strolling in the park, a burden. And chasing your toddler around can feel far more like work than play. But here’s the good news: it doesn’t have to be like this. You don’t have to live like this. Let’s face it: sleep deprivation can bring out the worst in anyone. More often than not, parents’ sleep is so far off track that depression or hostility with each other becomes “normal”. Fortunately, sleep problems are manageable because children can learn easily. And, as a result, your marriage and your family can stay strong and thrive. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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How Sleep Debt Affects You Self-preservation is at least as important as keeping your marriage alive. Remember the wheel and spokes analogy? You and your spouse are each important spokes of the family wheel, and if you aren’t taking care of your own needs, then the entire wheel will be out of balance. To make things a little clearer, consider this: You’re on an airplane and the flight attendants explain what will happen in case of an emergency. They instruct parents to put their oxygen masks on first, and then assist their children. Sounds like the opposite of what would come naturally, right? You’d instinctively want to help your child first. But if you yourself aren’t breathing, then how could you help your child? If you can’t breathe, your child is left alone to fend for himself. Parents must take care of their own needs so that they can then take care of their marriage, then their children—and in that particular order. If Mom has been responsible for feeding, playing, and helping a child to sleep for days on end while sacrificing her own needs, her physical and emotional reserves will soon be depleted.

Not even Dad’s reserves are limitless. Although many parents have large reserves of love, energy, and affection, they still need to rest and refuel with some personal time. Even if you’re currently feeling happily selfless as a parent, your body will crash if you chronically put yourself and your needs—last on your list.

© Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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How Sleep Debt Affects Your Child Parents aren’t the only people in the family who suffer from tiredness or extreme fatigue. If taking care of yourself or your marriage isn’t enough motivation to help your child sleep better, then knowing the effects of exhaustion on your little one will be.

Research published in the prestigious Nature Neuroscience indicates that early brain development, learning, and memory are all supported by good sleep “nutrition,” while sleep disruption has been correlated with behavioral and emotional issues.

Most sleep-deprived children show signs of chronic overtiredness: dark circles under the eyes, fussy behavior, or lots of whining and crying throughout the day. Some children, on the other hand, are miraculously calm when sleep-deprived and manage to remain cheerful during the day.

Remember: to grow and develop to optimum health and capabilities, children need to get the proper amount of sleep for their age—they do a great deal of developing during sleep in the first four years of life. If the sleep requirements are not met, children are deprived of one of the most important foundations they need to be healthy. This deprivation will usually lead to decreased alertness, poor physical coordination, and increased emotional and behavioral instability. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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CHAPTER 2 – UNDERSTANDING SLEEP Although our knowledge remains incomplete, a great deal has been discovered about what happens in the brain during sleep: what areas of the brain become active or inactive, how cellular activity changes, and which neurotransmitters are released or blocked. Much has also been learned about the so-called biological clock, a small cluster of cells that maintains our sleep-wake cycle running on about a twenty-four-hour rhythm. This clock controls not only sleep but also variation in just about every other physiological system throughout the day. The cells that constitute it lie in a primitive area of the brain called the hypothalamus that also controls many other important automatic functions such as thirst, hunger, temperature, and hormone activity. Nonetheless, we do not fully understand why we need to sleep, what causes us to sleep, and what purposes sleep serves. There can be no single answer to these questions, in any case, because how you answer them depends on the level at which you approach the problem. At the most basic level, the neurophysiological level, we sleep because of changes in the brain’s chemical environment and in its cellular activity. On a higher level, that of function and behavior, we can say we sleep because sleep serves a restorative function for our bodies and minds. Sleep is necessary if we are to function properly during the day—if we don’t get enough, we feel sleepy and our mental efficiency drastically decreases. Finally, from an evolutionary viewpoint, the purpose of sleep lies in the benefits it provides for our survival. As various researchers have pointed out, humans have always sought secure places to sleep.

© Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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In doing so, they protected themselves from nocturnal predators and in the process rested and maximized their alertness during daytime. Until the middle of the 20th century, doctors and other scientists believed that sleep was a single state distinguishable only from waking. However, we now know that sleep itself is divided into two distinctly different states: REM (rapid eye movement, also known as dream sleep) and non-REM.

REM sleep is active sleep, and it’s also a lighter sleep. It’s the sleep in which we dream and organize our memories. During REM our limbs are rendered immobile and we exhibit irregular breathing, twitching, and rapid eye movement. Non-REM sleep has several stages of its own—they are called light sleep, true sleep, and deep sleep.

As we pass through these non-REM stages, we move from a gentle drowsiness to that state of deep sleep, if awakened, we feel groggy and disoriented. During non-REM sleep our breath is slow and regular, and our muscles tense. Children also have both REM and non-REM cycles, although their sleep cycles are different. For the first four months, their sleep—particularly daytime napping—is not very organized neurologically. About half of their sleep is light, REM sleep, when they are quite active and easily disturbed.

© Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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For a newborn, that’s about eight hours of REM sleep and eight hours of non-REM sleep a day. At around four months, REM sleep begins to slowly drop off, and by age two a child’s sleep cycles more closely resemble those of an adult. REM comprises approximately 25% of adult sleep, or about two hours a night. As a parent, you need to understand that nobody sleeps through the night. We all go through these sleep cycles, and as we move from one phase to another, the chemical changes in our brain activity often wakes us up a little bit. The phenomenon is called partial arousal, and everyone experiences it.

For example, about every 90 to 110 minutes (50 minutes for infants), while we are still in the light sleep phase, we have a partial arousal but we don’t wake up completely – we may roll over or mumble. But every three to four hours, we experience a partial awakening that is a little more pronounced. Perhaps we want a glass of water, we need to adjust our blanket or we notice that our pillow is on the floor. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Usually we get right back to sleep and, more often than not, we don’t remember the awakening in the morning. But that’s because we know how to get ourselves back to sleep. Babies don’t—until we teach them.

When babies experience these partial arousals, they may cry out, thrash around, and become startled. They are basically shouting, “Hey, I’m awake! I’m tired and I don’t know how to go back to sleep without Mom or Dad helping me. So now I’m going to do the only thing I can do—I’m going to cry”. And the rest is all too familiar.

They cry and you rush in and nurse them, rock, them, walk them, and so on. In other words, you are performing whatever parental tricks you have taught them are conducive to their sleep. And you may have to do it several times. Each night. Once we help our children give up these associations, they can sleep through the night. They will still have the partial awakenings, but they will no longer require you to be up and ready. They can open their eyes for a second, recognize they are safe, and then can get themselves back to sleep. And thus, the partial arousal remains only that: partial © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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The Biological Clock and Sleep Quality The biological clock, scientifically called the circadian rhythm, is the mechanism that tells us when to be awake and when to be asleep. Falling asleep when our body clock is set to “wake” is challenging, as is staying alert when our clock says “sleep.” We don’t feel as rested when we sleep our clock off or when our clock is on “wake” mode. In other words, human beings are complex

For example, people who sleep all day and work the graveyard shift, from midnight to 8:00 AM don’t get quality sleep because they are not in sync with their internal clocks. Or, for a two-year-old, a nap from 1:00 to 3:00 in the afternoon feels better than a nap from 4:00 to 6:00 in the evening. The clock is set mostly by light, but noise and temperature can affect it too. As adults, we know how to compensate when our biological clock is upset. If we have to go to sleep one night well before our usual bedtime, we know how to prepare ourselves to sleep at the unaccustomed hour. Babies, on the other hand, don’t know how. They need us to protect their sleep by paying attention to the clock—both the external time and the baby’s internal rhythm. To keep ourselves active and alert, we should regulate our sleep. We sleep better and we feel better if we go to sleep at about the same time each night, and wake up at the same time each morning. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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We can vary our routine on weekends, but only by an hour. Babies are even more sensitive, especially if they are already overtired. Remember: babies need routine, predictability, and stability for their emotional well-being. But they also need routines to keep their biological clocks working in order to allow the brain to produce melatonin. Production of melatonin, the hormone that promotes sleep by relaxing us physically and mentally, begins at about three months of age. Secretion levels are linked to darkness. If you miss your child’s natural time to sleep—the sleep window—his body won’t be producing soothing melatonin. In fact, the opposite will occur. His adrenal glands will boost the production of cortisol, a stress-generating hormone that will overstimulate your baby. To him, it probably feels like you swapped his milk with an espresso. He will be more agitated and more difficult to console. In addition, he will be more likely to need a lot more of your time (and energy!) to help him calm down and get to sleep. That’s why, if by natural rhythm and habit, he is ready for sleep at 7:00 but you keep him until 8:00, he is going to have a hard time getting to sleep. And even after he does get to sleep, the cortisol and the accumulated overtiredness make it harder for him to stay asleep. He is more likely to wake up at night, and to wake up too early in the morning before he is truly rested. This unnatural cycle can then lead to poor naps the next day, which will lead to an overtired baby at bedtime, which leads to poor nighttime sleep. The task at hand is to correct this cycle before it becomes a self-perpetuating downward spiral. Furthermore, it is wrong to believe that your child needs less sleep than average. Children need to get the right amount of sleep and they need to get the right kind of sleep. Quality is as important as quantity. After a newborn’s first six to eight weeks, good sleep also means sleeping in a crib, bed, or bassinet—not in a car, stroller, or swing.

© Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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CHAPTER 3 – GENERAL SLEEP RULES FOR NEWBORNS AND INFANTS At the hospital, when our doctors and nurses hand us the cute and lovable little beings that are our babies, they tell us how: to hold them

to nurse them

to swaddle them

to diaper them

But they rarely say a word about how to put our babies to sleep. They don’t tell us that sleep is a learned skill and that we have to teach our babies to develop healthy sleeping habits. In fact, we may get precisely the opposite advice. They may sympathize with us about how exhausted we will be during the first few months and how overwhelming the experience will be. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Of course, a newborn baby requires a lot of work, and you won’t get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. But there’s clearly a difference between being tired, yet functional, and drained and psychologically dismantled. Of course, a newborn baby requires a lot of work, and you won’t get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. But there’s clearly a difference between being tired, yet functional, and drained and psychologically dismantled. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Rule 1 – Create a Flexible Sleeping and Feeding Routine

A lot of parents literally cringe at the word routine, but you don’t have to think of it as a rigid and energy-consuming minute-by-minute schedule. Routine in this case means a commonsense framework with a time mapped out for eating, sleeping, napping, and playing—a framework that can be adapted as you become more skillful reading your baby’s signals. Babies like predictability, even very young ones. They find it calming and that al lows them to sleep better. Moreover, they become adept at soothing themselves. The reason why many parents fear routine is because they think it’ll ruin their freedom. The thing is, a flexible routine actually contributes more to your freedom than you can possibly imagine. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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You can’t do anything you want, whenever you want, but you’ll be able to plan your day better. You’ll know when you can get out of the house to meet a friend for coffee, run errands or run off that baby fat.

What’s better, you can invite the grandparents over when your baby is going to be at his adorable best, not his tired and cranky worst.

Simply put, a routine makes parenting easier. If your baby is crying, a routine helps you figure out what he wants. You can ask yourself how long he’s been awake, or when did he last eat? If you know by his routine that he is well-fed and rested, then you can go through a list of questions to figure out the cause of his problem. It could be the temperature, his clothes, his diaper, his environment, or sickness. If you have a completely unstructured day, you won’t be able to answer the basic questions about his wellbeing because you simply won’t know where to begin. The lack of routine makes it harder for you to interpret what he is trying to tell you. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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As you work on creating a routine, don’t forget to keep a simple log to write down every single action: when he eats, when he sleeps etc. This way, you’ll be able to notice his natural patterns and establish your own in accordance. A routine also involves a modified approach to feeding on demand. And while true that you need to feed on demand during the first few weeks, most parents don’t understand when their child is hungry. More often than not, we think every cry is a hunger cry, and we end up feeding them until we turn ourselves into human pacifiers. At the beginning, when our nursing skills are just starting to form, it’s very hard to tell how much our babies are ingesting. And as new and loving parents, we worry so much about whether they are eating enough and growing enough that we feed them every time they cry. It is wise to arm yourself with knowledge about how often babies genuinely need to eat. Of course, your newborn baby may have to eat every two to two-and-a-half hours. But if you are routinely nursing your baby more frequently, you need to stop and think why—is it his hunger, or your reflex? If you are having these concerns, a visit to the doctor can address those questions (or any other, for that matter).

© Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Rule 2 – Nursing is Not the Only Soothing Technique If you give babies a chance, they will develop a wide range of soothing options, but they do need our help in the first few months. It is essential to replace nursing with other soothing techniques, as nursing can become a problem if the child always needs to nurse to get to sleep. • Swaddling The pressure of swaddling, similar to what babies felt in utero, comforts babies and lengthens their sleep. Wrap him snugly in a receiving blanket, making sure his ears and toes are not too hot. For the first three months, they usually like having their arms inside the blanket. At about twelve to sixteen weeks, start leaving the arms out. However, it may happen that your baby wants his arms out earlier—you’ll be able to tell. Sometimes babies like being swaddled and then placed near the corner of the crib. It makes them feel a little less lost in that big crib. When they get a little older, some babies learn how to move over to the corner of their crib and sort of snuggle themselves in. You can also tightly roll some baby blankets and place them along his side, from his chest to his feet, to make him feel more snuggled. Just make sure you don’t put the blankets close to his face. Ask a nurse to show you how to swaddle your baby in the hospital. Also, it is recommended that you take a newborn baby care class at your local hospital to go over the basics before you give birth.

© Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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• Swinging Gently swinging and rocking our babies is so instinctive that it almost doesn’t need a mention. And indeed, it provides a soothing feeling to newborns. It’s also fine to let your baby nap in a swing during the day for the first two months. After that, he’ll still like being in the swing, and you can use it for fun and comfort. However, don’t use it as a substitute for a bed. To gently ease out of the swing-sleep habit, go ahead and put him in the swing at his customary speed, then slow it down in a moment. Stop it when your baby’s asleep. At about two months, start to move him into his crib for his morning nap. • Start his pre-nap routine in his room • Swing him a bit in your arms if it contributes to a smooth transition. • Then put him in the crib and stay by him. • Pat, stroke, or gently rock his body if that helps him. He should make the adjustment in a few days. Start with one nap a day, usually the morning, and include the second nap whenever you think he’s ready—normally within a week or two.

© Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Rule 3 – Pacifier Is For Soothing Not Sleeping The sucking reflex is very strong in babies, and they need to suck, especially during the first few weeks. After the first month, however, they need to suck to get calm, but not to get to sleep.

Getting your baby used to falling asleep without something in his mouth, whether it’s a pacifier, a bottle, or your nipple is essential. Put him down drowsy but awake. If he fusses, pat him, rock him a bit, and sit by his side and murmur the all-familiar “sh-sh.” You can pick him up for a short period of time to calm him, but avoid giving him the pacifier at the first whimper. From about six weeks, it’s very important that you are consistent about this at bedtime and for at least one nap. If you don’t stick to this routine, you will be getting up multiple times at night just to plug a pacifier or comfort-feed a baby who isn’t hungry. If your baby spits out the pacifier, don’t automatically re-plug it. If you keep plugging up his mouth all the time, you may be hampering his early attempt to communicate with you, as well as your ability to differentiate his cries.

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Rule 4 – Feed Your Baby Upon Waking Many mothers breast or bottle feed at bedtime for many months. A nice long nursing does tend to encourage sleeping, but you need to avoid a strong association between nursing and sleep because it will lead to problems later. Therefore, nurse when he is getting up, not only when he is going to sleep. This comes naturally when he wakes up in the morning, but try to get in the habit of nursing also after naps (not before) at least once or twice a day.

Rule 5 – Put Your Baby Down Drowsy But Awake This rule furthers the action of Rule 4 about nursing after a good nap. In the first weeks, we normally nurse our babies to sleep at bedtime and when they get up hungry during the night. But once he is about four weeks old, get in the habit of putting him down drowsy but awake at least once a day. He may fuss a little but give it a couple of moments. Don’t pick him up again at the first squeak. Instead, let him surprise you. The easiest time to do this is usually the morning nap. At around six weeks, you can try this at bedtime too. Nurse him until he has had enough to eat and is getting drowsy. Then unlatch him gently before he falls fully asleep. Sometimes he will fall asleep nursing, and then of course you shouldn’t wake him. It may take a little patience, but you’ll figure it out within a few days. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Rule 6 – One Bottle A Day No matter how committed you are to nursing, introduce a bottle once a day by the second or third week. It’s up to you and your doctor whether you use pumped milk or formula, but getting your baby used to a bottle early is essential. It is preparation for unforeseen circumstances. Although most babies adapt easily to a bottle later, other will refuse the bottle once they differentiate between breast and bottle. Given the fact that you have no way of knowing how your baby will respond several months from now, familiarizing him with the bottle as early as possible is crucial. Most parents fear that if they switch to the bottle, the baby will reject the breast, but this form of nipple confusion is actually a lot less common than people think. This only tends to be an issue if you give a bottle at the very beginning, before he has learned to latch onto the breast. One bottle a day after nursing has been established for several weeks shouldn’t be a problem.

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Rule 7 – The Sleep-Friendly Environment It should be common knowledge that a baby’s environment affects his sleep. At bedtime, the message to the brain is “slow down,” not “stay up.” The baby’s crib should be a place for sleep and maybe for a few minutes of quiet play right after waking. It’s not a place to “park” the baby while you wash dishes, nor is it a place to punish a baby when he cries.

• White Noise And Music White noise devices, fans, or sound screens can be useful during the first two months, or even longer during nap time if you live in a particularly loud area. Babies who are very active and extremely alert also do well with white noise, because it helps them forget about the outside world. Moreover, those babies may also need to be nursed in a dim and quiet environment because they are easily distracted. Fans or white noise machines are more effective than music in screening out sounds, but many parents prefer lullabies, and that’s fine. If you choose the music strategy, take care to use the music to set the mood around two to three months. If you let music become a sleep crutch, you’ll spend the night running in to turn it on each time he becomes agitated. Play music as your baby gets ready for bed but don’t keep it running as he is falling asleep. Let it wind down at bedtime, or turn the volume very low. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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• Bedtime Routine Developing a bedtime routine early—by about six weeks—is absolutely essential.

At first, it will be very simple. You’ll probably start with a warm, soothing bath, then move into his dimly lit room. Nurse him or maybe let Dad give him a bottle. Swaddle him or rock him on your lap a little, and then lay him in his crib. You’ll add little games, stories, and other rituals as he gets older. But you’ll always need a bedtime routine. Predictable routines not only help babies relax, they cue the brain to slow down and make the necessary sleep “arrangements”—just like a good book does for you. If a baby is tired but doesn’t get to sleep, he gets a cortisol rush, which then makes it even harder for him to go to sleep.

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• The Question of Co-Sleeping And The Family Bed The family bed is a sensitive subject. By family bed, I don’t mean keeping the baby near you for two or three months. That’s an acceptable option. I mean a several-years commitment in which the parents and children sleep in the bed together, every night. Many couples choose short-term co-sleeping to keep the baby with them for the first few months for bonding, nursing convenience, and anxiety control. Some parents keep the baby with them for a few months, and then sleep on a spare bed in the baby’s room for a few days or weeks when they move him to the crib or bassinet. Either way is okay, just make sure you have a plan for getting yourself out of the room, because he’ll get more accustomed to it than you might realize. What is not okay is this: baby starts out the night in his crib, but ends up in the parents’ bed because that’s the only way they can get him back to sleep. Or they wanted to co-sleep for three months, and five months passed already and they haven’t figured out how to stop it. In cases like these, the child does not learn to sleep on his own, and the pattern can last years, to everyone’s dissatisfaction. This isn’t a satisfactory route to good sleep. When it comes to co-sleeping, you also need to be aware of some safety issues. Studies have found a higher risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome in families that make co-sleeping a habit. The American Academy of Pediatrics has recommended against co-sleeping with a child under age two because of the possible risk of death or injury. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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CHAPTER 4 – GOOD SLEEP AT EVERY AGE While we hope that our baby will “sleep like a baby,” as the saying goes, this unfortunately isn’t always the case. Newborns sleep a lot, approximately fifteen to eighteen hours a day, but their sleep is neither organized nor well-developed. Young babies also cycle between the REM and non-REM sleep, much more than adults or even older children. And each time they switch, they experience a partial awakening.

For adults, a partial awakening may only last a few seconds and, more often than not, we don’t remember it in the morning. But that very moment of partial wakening can startle babies, and make them wake up even more. Then they cry and we rush in to rescue them from their fears and tears. I strongly believe in responding to a child’s cry, both for his sake and for your own peace of mind. As parents, we always need to know that they are safe. But we shouldn’t overdo it. We need to find a healthy balance between comforting our children and allowing them to learn to comfort themselves. If we rescue them by creating a sleep crutch, by teaching them that they must always be held, rocked or nursed to get back to sleep, they will never learn how fall back to sleep on their own. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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The First Month In the first week of life, babies usually sleep a total of sixteen to eighteen hours, about half during the night and half spread out over four daytime naps. By the end of the first month, they sleep an average of fifteen to seventeen hours total, about eight to ten hours at night and six to seven hours during the day spread over three or four naps. They will still wake up two or three times at night for feedings, but should go back to sleep right away. During these first few weeks, your baby will begin to pick up on your cues and feelings and to realize that he can influence and affect the world around him. He will recognize the scent of your breast milk, will prefer soft sensations, and like to be handled very gently. Although he won’t fully distinguish day from night for six to eight weeks, he will develop this ability faster if you expose him to light now. But do it gently and gradually, you don’t want to shock him with bright light in his eyes. You can open the blinds when he gets up in the morning and keep him in brighter rooms. Be careful, however, not to overstimulate him. If you spend thirty minutes trying to soothe your newborn and he’s still fussing, try swaddling him and putting him down in a dimly-lit room. Newborns need a certain amount of tranquility when they are awake. If they can’t get that peaceful awake time during the day, they will seek it—you guessed it—at night. Babies in the first month need to eat every two to two-and-a-half hours. Try not to feed more often than that. If she’s really sobbing, and you’ve already tried other soothing methods, then feed her—particularly if you’re getting pretty close to the two-hour mark. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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But if you feed her more frequently, pay close attention to her reaction. If she stops sucking after just a few minutes or she turns away from the breast, she wasn’t really hungry. The one time when it may be a good idea to feed a little more frequently (but not constantly) is late afternoon/early evening. It helps a lot in that fussy getting-tired part of the day. I am talking roughly 3:00 PM to 6:00 PM. At night, be grateful for every minute of sleep he gets past two hours. If he needs to eat, he’ll let you know. During the day, he should sleep two or three hours. But remember, you can’t let him stay awake too long either. The limit is about two hours or so at a time. Plan his last feeding and bedtime to coincide with your bedtime, sometime between 10:00 PM and 11:00 PM. In a few months, however, his bedtime will be earlier. Before bedtime, keep him awake for two hours. Lots of babies stay up easily during those two hours, and that time can become a nice family time. A consistent bedtime and some basic bedtime rules, even at this age, are essential. It’s how you start to regulate your baby’s sleep. These first few weeks he may well need you to hold, rock, or nurse him to sleep in your arms, but at least once a day, try to use those techniques only to the point of drowsiness, not until he’s fully asleep. Then, very gently lower him into his crib, swaddled, and let him finish falling asleep. Napping isn’t very predictable these first few weeks, but the first morning nap is a good time to practice the basic rules, including the “drowsy-but awake” routine. The morning nap usually starts only an hour or two later after he wakes up. Remember: Many new parents don’t realize he has to go back to sleep so quickly, but if he gets overstimulated in the morning, you are going to have trouble all day. Don’t forget about your own well-being, though. Remember to take care of yourself and sleep whenever you can. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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The Second Month In the second month, babies sleep, on average, fifteen to seventeen hours total—eight-and-a-half to ten hours at night and six to seven hours during the day, spread over three or four naps. Some will now wake only once a night to be fed, although others will still need two overnight feeding for a few more weeks. During the second month you will also see those adorable first smiles—and intense fussiness, especially in late afternoon and early evening. Don’t wake him up at night; encourage those longer stretches of sleep. During day, however, you still want to wake him after three hours so he keeps his best sleep for later. Aim to keep him awake from about 8:00 PM to 10:00 PM so he can have a final feeding around 10:00 PM and then go to bed. He should then be able to comfortably sleep until 2:00 AM, wake briefly to eat, and then sleep again until about six in the morning. Remember to get yourself to bed as early as you can.

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By six to eight weeks, start being more conscious of sleep habits. Concentrate on bedtime and help your baby fall asleep without always needing something in his mouth. Start concentrating on the “drowsy-butawake” routine at the 10:00 PM feeding. You want your baby to be sleepy after he eats but not so sleepy as to being unable to fall asleep on his own. Also, make sure that he’s been properly burped. Swaddle him if he likes it, then lower him gently intwo his crib with his feet slightly lower than his head so as not to induce fear of falling. If he does cry, you don’t have to leave him alone in the dark. Sit by his side, pat him gently, and quietly murmur the “sh-sh” sound that reminds him of yourheartbeats. While tempted to pick him up, try to resist. Hold him only if he begins to cry so intensely that he won’t be able to wind himself down. Put him down again when he’s calm, but don’t wait until he’s fully asleep. Remember: Avoid picking him up and putting him down repeatedly. That often stimulates babies and makes it even harder for them to go to sleep. Napping will remain fairly disorganized this month, because the brain takes longer to sort out daytime sleep. Even so, your baby will take three or four naps a day. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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The majority of new parents often underestimate how frequently babies require sleep. If your baby stays awake more than two hours at a time, he will become overstimulated and overtired. As such, it will be harder for him to nap. To help him get ready to nap, place him in a quiet environment a half hour or so before you want him to fall asleep. That might mean nursing, or holding him while you sing him a song.

By the end of this month, around week eight, eliminate motion-sleep in cars and swings and get him napping in a crib or bassinet. Many naps will still be short—forty-five minutes or so—but gradually some of the naps should last an hour or more. Not surprisingly, even at this age, some babies act on their growing recognition of their parents by trying to resist sleep. They want to stay awake and hang out with you, a pattern that may intensify as they go through moments of separation anxiety in the coming months. As babies sleep longer, they eat a little less frequently if they are healthy and growing well. Some will only wake up once at night, some will still need to eat two or three times.

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During this month, they begin to differentiate their cries. This is important because it helps us figure out what’s bothering them and how to fix it. There’s a “change my diaper” cry, a “pick me up and hold me” cry, “I’m ready for bed now” cry, and so on. Don’t treat all cries as hunger cries. At about four weeks, many babies enter an over-fussy period, when late afternoon/early evening becomes a hard time for parents. This period peaks at about six weeks, and wanes by about twelve weeks. Just do the best you can to get through this phase. Give the baby regular naps and avoid overstimulation. Feed him in a quiet, dim room, without any distractions and make sure you keep older siblings away from the baby at this time of day. If possible, enlist Dad’s help. Fathers tend to arrive home just as the baby hits the fussy peak, between 6:00 and 7:00 PM.

I remember my husband was totally convinced that our baby hated him because he’d walk in the door, and he’d greet him with a howl, instead of a smile. Sometimes he’d scream for an hour in the early evening and my husband learned how to be a very lovable dad, swaddling and holding our baby until he finally got calm and happy. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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The Third Month At this age, babies need fifteen hours of sleep, ten at night and five spread out over three daytime naps. By the end of the month, most should sleep eight hours uninterrupted. The good news is that during the third month, babies make a lot of progress. This will allow you to get more rest because the fussy period starts to wane. They are awake more during the day, asleep more at night, and beginning to find their own natural sleep-wake rhythms. Your task will be to adjust that rhythm into a flexible schedule. Your baby’s brain and biological clock will lay the groundwork for you. Around the third month, babies begin producing melatonin, the hormone that relaxes the muscles and promotes drowsiness. Remember: By regulating your baby’s sleep, encouraging him to maximize his night-time sleep, you are helping to establish good hormonal rhythms, which will in turn further improve his sleep. At this age, babies are less portable for day sleep—they need a quiet and familiar environment without light or noise pollution. Get him out of the habit of napping in car seats and get her home and into her crib. At around twelve weeks, the morning nap should fall into place, lasting about one to one-and-a-half hours. A few weeks later, the stubborn afternoon nap takes on a more dependable shape as well. Your baby will probably take a brief third nap in the late afternoon, forty-five minutes to an hour, depending on the quality and quantity of earlier naps. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Bedtime should now look like bedtime, and it should be the same every night. Sure, you can make small adjustments, but you don’t want a completely disorganized schedule. The bedtime routine should be kept simple and include bath, pajamas, perhaps some infant massage, listen to a soothing song or start to look at a simple picture book—you will build on this as she gets older. Nurse or bottle feed her, and put her down drowsy but awake.

If she knows how to put herself to sleep at bedtime, it will be easier for her to start learning to put herself back to sleep in the middle of the night without crying. At this age, babies still need five or six feedings a day, about every three hours, but they don’t need to eat as much at night. The sixth feeding is the bedtime feeding. That may still be 10:00 PM, or 11, at the beginning of this month, but gradually you will move it earlier, to about 8:00 PM. Watch for signs of sleepiness such as yawning or eye-rubbing. There is some natural variation to how long babies in this age range can sleep at night without feeding—anything from six to ten hours is normal. Your goal this month should be to lengthen your baby’s nighttime sleep, working toward that eight-to-ten hours of uninterrupted sleep. If your baby is waking up to eat much more frequently, and you’ve ruled out any health factors, then you should begin gently helping her to replace that pattern with a new one. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Whether you are breast feeding or bottle feeding, make sure that she’s eating well during the day, which means she’ll have less incentive to eat at night. Try not to let her snack all day, and try not to feed her more than every three hours. Feed her in a quiet place with few distractions, so she can focus on her meal instead of the world around her. In the evening, feed your baby before bed, somewhere around 8:00 PM. Then feed her in the morning, at about 6:00 PM. And you will feed her only once in between.

To do this, you have two choices. You can wake your baby to give her a dream feed, at about 11:00 PM, before you go to sleep. Keep the lights off, feed her and put her back to bed or you can wait for her to wake up on her own, as long as it’s after 10:00 PM. Whatever method you choose, stick to it. If your baby cries a bit, just sit by him and reassure him, but don’t feed him. If necessary, pick him up, but put him down when he’s calm so he falls asleep in his bed, not your arms. If you are clear and consistent, they usually stop waking up for those other feedings within just a few nights. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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The Fourth And Fifth Months At four months, babies should be able to sleep about eight hours a night without feeding, and by five months they go for about ten or eleven hours. During the day, they sleep four to five hours, spread out over three naps. I received a lot of calls from parents of twelveto sixteen-week-olds. Lots of moms go back to work and they are scared about reconciling work and family when they are getting only a few hours of interrupted sleep every night. Moreover, many parents expect babies to start sleeping better after three months, and they think it will happen magically overnight. And then they get an unpleasant surprise. Remember: This is the ideal time to step in and help a baby to sleep better, because bad sleep habits are not yet fixed and the baby is going through physical and developmental changes that are very conducive to a more predictable food and sleep schedule. The fourth and fifth months are a time of transition. Babies are more awake and become more active. They begin to understand object permanence, realizing that people and things exist even when they are out of the baby’s view. That’s one reason they love hiding games and peek-a-boo so much. But this also brings a bout of separation anxiety. When your baby wakes up at night, he may not be searching for a feeding anymore so much as a brief reassurance that both Mom and Dad are right where they should be. From a neurological standpoint, the baby’s sleep character also changes. Melatonin secretion rises and non-REM sleep increases, meaning she sleeps more deeply than she did as a newborn. But the non-REM also means that when your baby has a partial awakening every three to four hours, he feels more awake and may need a brief reassurance from you as he adjust to this change. He doesn’t need a feeding, however. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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The thing is, you want to comfort your baby, but you don’t need to create a new sleep crutch. Gradually, your baby becomes more organized, and that makes your job easier in reading his tiredness clues. Babies this age are also very sensitive to a change in routine. An unusually stimulating day can disrupt her night’s sleep. This happens once in a while—just take extra care the next day that she gets plenty of naps and has a little extra quiet time. Because four- and five-month-olds are more alert, they require an evening routine that helps them switch the mental gears that get them ready for bed. Bedtime should be between 8:00 and 9:00 PM. Remember to get him down drowsy but awake—that’s increasingly important at this age. If he consistently falls asleep during that last pre-bedtime feeding, pay attention. Your baby’s telling you he needs an earlier bedtime, so shift it up fifteen or twenty minutes at a time until you find the right moment.

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At four or five months, babies still need to eat frequently—at least five times a day, every three to four hours. At four months, your child should be able to sleep about eight hours at night without feeding, and at five months, he should reach ten hours. The more adept he is at putting himself to sleep, and back to sleep at night, the easier it is for him to give up nighttime feeding. If the situation lingers and he’s getting up frequently at night to eat, you need to tackle it properly. You want to get him down to one feeding at night, with the goal of stretching out the time he can go without breast or bottle to eight and then ten hours. Often it is the parent as much or more than the child who holds onto excess night feedings, not quite convinced that the child won’t starve. It’s an understandable reaction because that’s what you have been doing since his birth, and it’s hard to feel certain that he just doesn’t need them anymore. Talk to your doctor to get reassurance.

Lots of babies at this age make it almost but not quite through until morning. They get up at about 5:00 AM to nurse, and then go back to sleep until 8:00. Remember: Phase out that 5:00 AM feeding because it can cave have profound consequences later on. It can become an extremely stubborn habit to change and it can cause you grief for the next several years. If he cries, stay with him and soothe him. Once the clock strikes 6:00, if he’s still fussing, go ahead and feed him.

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Don’t forget to be consistent—this is extremely important! As for napping, gone are the days when a thirty-minute catnap would suffice. At four and five months, napping is all about length and predictability. Remember to watch both the clock and your baby’s own behavior to know when it’s time to put him down. At this point, it’s usually best if your baby naps in his crib. If you haven’t gotten your child out of the car seat or swing, do so right now. He is too old for it, and the motion will disrupt his ability to get the restful sleep he needs.

Try not to nurse your child to sleep at any naps now. That’s easier now that the feedings are further apart and you can plan the naps around them. For example, a baby can wake up at 7:00 AM, nurse, nap at 9:00 and not need another nursing until he wakes at 10:30 or so. Feeding him when he’s up and active, instead of ready to go to bed, helps weaken that food-sleep association, strengthening the message that he can get to sleep and stay asleep without a breast or bottle. Ideally, four- and five-month-old babies should nap for ninety minutes or longer, morning and afternoon. Once his biological clock adjusts to a longer nap, he should gradually learn how to get through that partial awakening state on his own without needing your assistance.

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Six To Eight Months At this age, babies need an average of eleven hours of uninterrupted nighttime sleep and three-and-a-half hours of daytime naps spread over two to three naps. From six through eight months, babies become more mobile. They roll over, sit up, or even stand holding on to something. Most babies sleep through the night fairly regularly but don’t worry if yours doesn’t. It’s still quite easy to get them on the right track. You may also notice that at six or seven months, a baby who had been a good sleeper starts having difficulties. As he experiences the first wave of separation anxiety, he may protest being left in his crib at night, or may start waking up more often to see you. As your baby grows, bedtime can be fun as you create family rituals and games. But first, you may have to dislodge some pre-existing patterns. If your baby is used to being nursed, walked, or stroked to sleep, you will need to help him discard those associations. As you make changes you may have to tolerate some tears—but you don’t have to let him cry endlessly or alone. Sit by him as he cries, stroke his head or pat his back a little, while whispering soothing words. Eventually, he will learn to cope and adapt to the new sleep pattern—and don’t worry, it won’t take as long as you fear. Many sleep issues at this age involve associations between sleeping and eating. For example, it’s okay to nurse your baby when he wakes up in the morning or from a nap, but you may want to create a gap between nursing and going to sleep. You don’t want him falling asleep at your breast, or with a bottle in his mouth. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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You should also start creating regular and recognizable mealtimes, so your baby is not eating all day—an incentive to get up to snack all night. Babies respond extremely well to daytime meals that are organized. At this age, babies become aware of their surroundings and separation anxiety starts to settle in, peaking at approximately seven months and increasing with overtiredness. At bedtime, he may resist sleep in order to be with you, awake. He may also wake up more often with the desire to see you. But separation anxiety can be gradually addressed with a “lovey.” A lovey is a stuffed animal or blanket, also called a transitional object that can be used as an efficient tool to ease separation anxiety and weaken other sleep-disrupting habits. If your child is not already attached to a lovey, help him create that attachment. A lovey helps the baby cope with separation anxiety, making him feel safe and sound when you are not with him. If he hasn’t already formed a preference, pick a lovey for him. Usually a soft stuffed animal or baby blanket will do, but pay to his emerging preferences to help inform your choice. Simply put, the lovey should be small, soft, and safe—nothing that could choke an infant and nothing that he could later use to climb out of his crib. Encourage the bond by placing the lovey between you and your baby when you nurse or bottle feed him. Tuck it in his arms, or next to him for naps, bedtime, and when he wakes up during the night. The bond grows even stronger when the lovey has your scent. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Some children don’t get attached at this age, especially if they have another sleep crutch, such as nursing, but give it some time. If it doesn’t bond, try again every now and then as he gets older. Babies’ increased mobility at this age can cause some new bedtime or naptime problems. Sometimes they roll themselves over on one side, but can’t roll themselves back. Try not to interfere. If you are worried that your baby can roll onto her tummy but can’t yet return herself to the safer back-sleeping position, talk to your doctor about whether you need to gently help her flip over or whether she possesses enough control over her neck and head movements to protect herself from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome while she develops her rolling skills.

Custom Schedule For Constant Sleep 7:00 - 7:30 AM – Wake-up 9:00 or 9:30 AM – Morning nap, 1.5 to 2 hours. Upon waking, nursing/bottle and solids 12:30 or 1:00 PM – Afternoon nap, 1.5 to 2 hours. Upon waking, nurse/bottle 3:00 to 4:00 PM – Optional third nap, about 45 minutes to an hour 5:00 or 5:30 PM - Nurse/bottle and solids. 6:00 to 6:30 PM – Start bath/bedtime preparations, which may include an additional bottle or nursing. 7:00 or 7:30 PM – Asleep.

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A good schedule is essential because it can transform a tired and fussy baby into a rested and happy one. I don’t recommend a completely rigid schedule, but I do recommend devoting several weeks to really focusing on your child’s sleep. Don’t overdo flexibility, however. Just as we adults need basic structure in order to feel good and function properly, babies need predictability too. Your baby will not be at his best if his morning naps are at 9:00 one day, and 11:30 the next. The same applies to bedtime. The trick is to get your child on the right schedule, then stick to it regularly but not completely rigidly because you’ll have to adapt at times. Sometimes he’ll sleep a little more, sometimes a little less. When unexpected events force you to deviate, get back on schedule as soon as possible. Schedule variations are much easier for a child who is well rested than for a tired baby whose life is always in disarray. There is no “right” schedule for all babies, but the Custom Schedule for Constant Sleep is a very good framework, although some variation is inevitable. • Tackling Problems & Eliminating Negative Associations A lot of babies have negative associations, or sleep crutches, which they need to get themselves to sleep or back to sleep. They may want to be fed, held, rocked, and so forth. Addressing these problems is the key to good, uninterrupted sleep.

1. Eliminating Night-Time Feeding One of the hardest tasks is convincing mothers that most healthy six-to eightmonth-old babies on a normal growth curve don’t need to eat at night. Even a thoughtful mother who knows this in her head may still have a fear in her gut of letting her child go hungry. Check with your doctor, but the overwhelming odds are that the main reason your baby still gets up in search of breast or bottle is that you allow it. Don’t be hard on yourself, though. There are many other moms just like you. But don’t worry, there’s good news. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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There are other ways of putting your baby to sleep besides nighttime feeding. First though, I need to tell you gradual techniques don’t work for everybody, therefore you need to choose what feels right for you. Also, please consult with your pediatrician and make sure that your child does not have a medical or growth issue that does require more frequent feedings. Some babies who haven’t yet outgrown their reflux might still need more frequent, small meals, but even with these babies, try to do as much of the feeding as possible during the day or else you’ll be living with the sleep-disrupting side effects of reflux long after her tummy problems are over. Whatever approach you take, it will be easier if you try to reset his hunger clock so that he takes in more calories by day and is not looking around for more at night. I know some babies, even this young, who do a remarkable job of resisting food all day so they can feast all night. Review your daytime feeding schedule, and keep a written log of his diet. Talk to your pediatrician about whether she’s getting the right mix of milk and solid food.

Remember: Try to nurse or bottle feed him in a quiet, dim place without distractions. That may help him feel more like it’s a night feeding © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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He may need an occasional night feeding, but by concentrating on enhancing daytime feeding, you’ll minimize the nighttime ones. Try cutting down on nursing time at night. If he usually feeds for twenty minutes, give him fifteen. Keep cutting back every few days until he’s ready to give it up. Make sure you are unlatching him when he finishes eating heartily—don’t let him just gently suckle and doze. This applies to the bottle as well. Let him eat, but don’t let him play with it. Get him back to bed while he’s drowsy but awake. When you cut the nursing time all the way back to five minutes, or the bottle to just three ounces, it’s time to stop. Anything smaller than that is just a tease. If you or your pediatrician think your baby still needs to eat at night, or if you want to cut back nighttime feedings but aren’t ready to eliminate them for good, restrict it to once a night. Feed him quickly, and avoid other interaction that will encourage him to stay up and cling to you. You can also try a “dream feed,” where you wake him for a final feeding before your own bedtime, probably around 11:00 PM. Or you can wait until he wakes up, as long as it’s at least eight hours after his last feeding, which usually means around 3:00 or 4:00 AM. The key here is consistency. Pick one approach and stick to it. And only feed him once at night, and not again until at least 6:00 AM. And keep reminding yourself that he is a healthy, well-fed baby, not a starving waif. Mixed, intermittent messages will only worsen the situation. Some parents find that when they get on more consistent, organized schedules, the babies just start skipping this final feeding on their own. Other parents use this one feeding as a temporary solution for a few nights between multiple feedings and eliminating the night feedings. When you are ready to eliminate the nighttime feedings, go in and comfort your baby when he gets up but don’t nurse him. Try not to pick her up unless she’s hysterical, and then only pick her up briefly. Some babies adjust in approximately four days, while others take a little longer. But if you’re consistent, the tears will ebb quickly and she’ll wake less frequently. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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2. Eliminating Walking And Rocking To Sleep Many of us walk or rock our newborns to sleep, or start this habit when we find that nursing doesn’t get them to sleep anymore. But if your child is six months or older, it is time to phase it out. You’ll know it’s a problem if your child needs to be walked for more than a few minutes at bedtime, if she wakes up again as soon as you stop walking, or if she needs to be walked each time she wakes up at night. The same goes for rocking. Begin by focusing on bedtime, when you are most awake and better prepared to follow through consistently. Walk or rock only in her bedroom, not all over the house. This helps create a positive association between the bedroom and sleep. Reduce the amount of time you walk, even if she isn’t entirely asleep when you stop it. In other words, if you usually walk twenty minutes, try walking fifteen minutes for a couple of days, then ten minutes for two or three days. Put her down when she’s drowsy but awake. If she cries, stand or sit by her crib and soothe her. Don’t engage too much, though. Just whisper reassuringly and stroke her a bit now and then. If you do pick her up, do so very briefly to calm her and then put her back down. Continue your reassurances, and try rocking her body a little bit with your hand while she’s lying down. Some babies this age still find comfort in being swaddled, with their arms free. It makes them feel like you are still holding them. Often babies who want to be walked to sleep at bedtime will insist on the same habit in the middle of the night. If your baby gets up crying, go to him immediately and reassure him. Stroke him a bit and whisper some soothing sounds. But avoid lifting him out of his crib, and definitely don’t start walking. Pick him up only if things get very hysterical. Help him calm down, but keep him in his room. Build a pleasant association between his room and sleep. Put him down calm and drowsy but awake and let him take that final step and fall asleep on his own. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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3. Getting Rid Of The Pacifier Pacifiers are great for the first month or so of life, when newborns really need all that extra sucking. After that, pacifiers retain their role but their place is not in the crib overnight. At six to eight months, it’s fine if your baby is using a pacifier to calm himself, but not as a sleep crutch. If he spits it out, leave it out. Don’t assume he wants it back. Make sure that you are not blocking his blossoming efforts to communicate with you by plugging it in all the time, especially during the day.

To begin eliminating this habit, choose a night when you are ready to face a little unpleasantness and put him to bed without his pacifier. Make sure you have an especially nice and calming bedtime routine, and try to get him to bed drowsy but awake. Stroke or soothe him instead of giving him the pacifier. Do this every night when he wakes and be consistent. Keep in mind, if you “surrender” after he’s cried for an hour, you aren’t teaching him to sleep without the pacifier. You are teaching him to cry for an hour in order to get a pacifier. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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4. Tackling Early Risings Early risings often have a very simple solution. If too much light is coming into the baby’s room, buy some room-darkening blinds. If it’s sound that wakes him up, you might want to try a white noise machine or a fan.

Unfortunately, it’s not always so simple. If your child wakes up at 6:00 AM, refreshed and ready to start anew, you’ll probably have to live with it. That’s a biologically appropriate wake-up time for a baby or small child. Remember to adapt the meal and nap schedule to suit his early hours. Babies who wake up before 6:00 AM, or who wake up cheerful at 6:00 but are a total grump by 7:00, are a different story. You need to step in and coach him to sleep later, because the longer you endure early risings, the harder it becomes to change the pattern. Once they’re older, it can take months. Make sure your early riser is getting enough daytime sleep. Nap deprivation can cause poor night sleep and early awakenings. If you think he is waking up very early because he is hungry, try waking him for a final feeding about 11:00 PM as an interim step, and also work on making sure he takes more food during the day. When you hear the first sign of him waking up early, go to him very quickly. Soothe him, and offer him a lovey. Try to get him and his lovey back to sleep without taking him out of his crib. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Even if he doesn’t doze off again, do not turn on the lights or let him out of his crib until 6:00 AM. Letting him get up earlier, while it is still dark, sends a confusing message, and is another example of intermittent reinforcement. He can’t understand why he can get up in the dark at 5:50 AM but not at 2:15 AM. Also, many parents have learned the hard way that if they let him get up at 5:50 AM, he’ll gradually wake up earlier and earlier. At this age, I recommend that the parent stay in the room while the child gets back to sleep in the early morning. Keep in mind, however, to keep interaction at a minimum. When the clock finally strikes 6:00, leave the room for a minute or two. He may cry but it’s only one minute. When you reenter the room, do a dramatic wake-up. Open the blinds, turn on the lights, sing a cheery morning song—a reverse lullaby. Think of it as a morning routine. The idea is to help the baby make the distinction between day and night, to know when it’s really time to get up and start his day. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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5. Napping Napping is difficult for babies, and nap training is almost as hard for parents. Nighttime problems are generally solved reasonably quickly. Most parents begin to see progress in just a few nights and they see considerable improvement in approximately two weeks. Tackling day sleep requires more patience and perseverance. Like adults, babies simply have trouble sleeping when it is not dark. Our brains are programmed to be awake during daylight, and asleep at night. Nap training is hard on parents because it is time-consuming and patience-eroding. Remember that babies from six to eight months need two naps a day, about oneand-a-half to two hours apiece. The short third nap in late afternoon is optional as long as they are getting two decent naps earlier in the day. To start a good napping program, start by reviewing your child’s schedule, paying attention to the correct timing of naps and his daytime sleep windows.

Create a good nap environment, both in terms of stimulation levels and physical surroundings. Don’t go directly from a stimulating activity straight into the crib. Give her some wind-down time, maybe a shortened version of the bedtime routine— read a book or listento some quiet music. Try not to let her fall asleep while eating. Remember to put her down drowsy but awake. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Napping success more often than not depends on a dark, quiet room. Try turning off the night-light or leaving only a very dim light on. Some babies need near total darkness to nap, as well as sound-dampening devices.

Follow the same basic rules as bedtime to avoid early attempts at delay: If he stand up in the crib, put him down once If he stands up again, ignore him. Don’t feel obligated to feed him before every nap, especially if you are working on breaking a food-sleep association. Also, if you do have to pick him up, keep it brief and put him down again as soon as he is calm. However, if your presence is making him stay awake instead of falling asleep and he’s trying to engage you, then you should try leaving the room. Come back to check him frequently, every five to fifteen minutes. If after a full hour, your baby hasn’t fallen asleep, leave the room for at least one complete minute. Come in and, with a little drama and flourish, take her out of the crib and act like naptime is over, much like you do at morning wake time. You want to send the message that when she gets up, it’s because you’ve decided it’s time, not because she has been crying. If she doesn’t sleep a wink during the morning hour, try to get her down for her afternoon nap earlier than usual because she’s going to be very tired. Watch her for sleepy cues, and catch her when she’s ripe for a nap, maybe in as little as forty-five minutes. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Nine To Twelve Months At this age, babies need on average eleven hours of sleep at night and three hours during the day. At nine months, babies should nap for about an hour and a half in the morning and about one and a half to two hours in the afternoon. By twelve months, the morning nap is about an hour and the afternoon nap is about an hour and a half. Most of the problems encountered in babies from nine to twelve months are quite similar to those found in babies from six through eight months, with the exception of several sleep-related developmental differences. At this age, babies are more mobile, crawling and pulling themselves up in their cribs.

Some walk by their first birthday, a major developmental milestone that can temporarily disrupt sleep. Moreover, increased activity can tire the baby, so you need to pay very close attention to his sleep window, when he is most ready (and able) to fall asleep. Some can resist sleep, and hide that window. If you wean during this period, that can also influence the bedtime rhythms. What makes babies at this age different from younger ones are developmental changes. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Babies have peaks of separation anxiety at about nine months, when they are sitting and crawling, and at twelve months, when they are standing, walking, and climbing. Those physical changes often makes them wake up more at night, and the accompanying cognitive changes make them more aware of strangers and new places. Around their first birthday, babies experiencing these anxiety peaks often begin to test their parents to see what the response will be, and this can make bedtime even more difficult to manage. If your baby has not already grown attached to a lovey, you should encourage one now. The lovey makes the baby feel safe, particularly at bedtime or when he wakes up at night. To make things easy and encourage the bond with the lovey, hold it between you and your bay when you are nursing or bottle feeding him, and include the lovey in bedtime games like peek-a-boo.

If he doesn’t bond despite your best efforts, try a lovey again in a month or so—or perhaps he’ll choose one from among the presents he is sure to receive on his very first birthday. At this age, most babies can pull themselves up and stand—which leads to new twists at bedtime or nap time, when you put them down in the crib and they can pop up again. My advice is not to intervene, or to put the baby down only once. Babies do tend to learn how to get up before they can get back down, so let them practice during the day. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Regarding eating habits, introduce a cup before his first birthday, even if you are still nursing, or if you plan on nursing in the future. As babies get older, they can form an emotional bond with the bottle or breast. It basically becomes a lovey that can become a sleep-disrupting habit. Nurse or bottle feed at set times, and use the cup at set times, giving him water, milk, formula, diluted juice, whatever your doctor recommends. Most moms find that they and the baby both like nursing in the morning and evening, and using the cup during the day, especially with solids at mealtimes. Remember: Don’t let your baby fall asleep on the breast or with the bottle, don’t let him be dependent on nursing to fall asleep or stay asleep or you’ll be nursing him back to sleep all night for months.

Custom Schedule For Constant Sleep

7:00 - 7:30 AM – Wake up. Nurse/bottle/cup and breakfast 9:00 or 9:30 AM – Start the morning nap. If your child is sleeping eleven to twelve hours uninterrupted at night, he might be able to stay wake until 10:00 AM. Some children need a small morning snack after the nap 12:30 or 12:30 PM – Lunch with nurse/bottle or cup 1:00 to 2:00 PM – Start the afternoon nap. Snack upon awakening 5:00 or 6:00 PM - Dinner with nurse/bottle or cup 7:00 to 7:30 PM – Bedtime with nurse/bottle

© Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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As I mentioned earlier, I don’t believe in completely rigid schedules, but babies need consistency and predictability. That’s why, during the first weeks of sleep scheduling, you are better to err on the side of too much rigidity than too little. The biggest scheduling differences between younger and older infants focus on eating. Check with your pediatrician, but healthy children from nine to twelve months on a normal growth curve can almost always go eleven to twelve hours at night without a feeding. If your child is still waking to eat frequently, you probably have to either adjust his body clock or change his habits. Separating food time from sleep time, and creating recognizable meal and snack times instead of nonstop nibbling is conducive to a sleep-friendly structure. By now, your pediatrician has probably recommended a variety of solids. Feed your baby at recognizable mealtimes: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Many babies also have morning and afternoon snacks, but you want to get away from the idea of constant feeding and grazing all day—and all night. If your baby goes to bed or takes a nap right after a meal, make sure there is some time between nursing or bottle feeding and going into the crib. You want to remove that suckle-snooze association, and teach her that milk is part of mealtime, not sleep time. • Tackling Problems & Eliminating Negative Associations Babies who have trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep often maintain sleep crutches, or negative associations. These associations aren’t actually bad behaviors, they only become negative when they disrupt sleep. For example, a child should be hugged and snuggled. But if he’s hugged and snuggled until he falls asleep, and each time he wakes up at night, he will never learn to fall asleep on his own or get himself back to sleep at night. Other negative associations involve a pacifier that has to be constantly replaced, walking, rocking, or swinging. Nursing or feeding a baby even when he is seeking food purely for comfort, not hunger, is another negative association that disrupts sleep. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Our job as parents is to help the baby get rid of these associations by creating positive new ones that will help him get the sleep required by his growing body and his expanding mind. If your child is still waking up at night, take another look at his routine. Are you putting him to bed a little too drowsy? If the answer is yes, he may have learned to put himself to sleep at bedtime when you’ve done much of the sleep preparation work for him, but he can’t get himself to sleep at night without your assistance. Try putting him down at bedtime when he’s a tad less drowsy, and a bit more awake so he can refine those self-soothing skills. You may also try moving bedtime earlier by 15 minutes or a half an hour, and maybe create a little more separation between that last nursing or bottle feeding and bed. Try leaving a soft light on while you nurse—this will help him break that suckle-sleep association.

1. Eliminating Night-Time Feeding

Many parents who are still feeding nine- to twelve-month-old babies all night look at me with skepticism when I tell them this, but healthy babies this age who are on a good growth curve don’t have to eat at night. In fact, they can go eleven to twelve hours or so without a feeding. Check with your doctor, but if your baby is still waking up at night, you’re dealing with habit, not hunger. Either your child’s hunger clock needs some readjustment, so he eats more during the day and doesn’t have a growling tummy at night, or he is using nursing or bottle feeding as a sleep crutch. It’s a good idea at this age to shorten the nursing sessions, and make sure your child is nursing, not just dozing with the nipple in his mouth. If it’s hard for you to see whether he’s actively nursing or just suckling, watch the clock instead. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Remember, babies are more efficient eaters now than they were newborns, and usually twenty minutes of less is usually plenty of time. At this age, I recommend that you simply stop the night feedings. Instead, comfort the child, sitting by his bed and patting him, murmuring the soothing “sh-sh” sound. If that’s too abrupt for you, do a dream feed for two or three nights. Wake him at about 10:00 or 11:00, about three hours after he goes to bed but also before you turn in for the night, for one last feeding. Don’t feed him again until morning. He will wake up very hungry and eat better during the day, which in turn will help him eat less at night. I know a lot of us experience anxiety about not feeding our children at night. We are afraid of hurting them, that we are leaving them with severe pangs of hunger that they can’t even articulate. We aren’t. They will be fine. If you are consistent, he’ll probably give those nighttime feedings up in just three to four days. But if you are not sticking to this schedule, it’s just going to be more difficult for you and more confusing for him.

2. Eliminating Walking And Rocking To Sleep When nursing proves ineffective, or when we cut out nighttime nursing because we know it interferes with sleep, some of us end up walking or rocking our babies to sleep instead. A few minutes of walking or rocking at bedtime is fine, but if your baby demands more than that, or if he wants to be walked and rocked several times during the night, it’s time to stop. As with so many sleep issues, the easiest time for you to make changes is at bedtime, when you are more likely to be consistent. Begin by doing all the walking or rocking in the bedroom, not all over the house. You need to create a positive association between the room and sleep. Reduce the amount of time you walk or rock—slice off five minutes or so every few days. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Stop walking when he’s nearing drowsiness, and put him down in his crib. He needs to be aware that he is going into the crib. You don’t want to somehow trick him, because when he has a partial awakening he’ll get mad if he thinks he went to bed in your arms but now he finds himself stuck in the crib. Sit by the crib and soothe him. If he gets really hysterical, pick him up briefly and put him down as soon as he’s calm. If he calms down in two seconds once you’ve picked him up, you know you’ve been had! He didn’t need to be picked up as badly as you thought he did. Offer swift comfort when he wakes up, but don’t start walking and the rocking again. Be consistent.

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3. Getting Rid Of The Pacifier

Pacifiers are great for the first month, when newborns really need all that extra sucking. After that, pacifiers have their place, but it is not in the crib. You have two options: you can either wean your child off the pacifier or, if that seems too harsh to you, you can let him keep it but help him learn to put it back in his mouth by himself. To make it easier, leave several in the crib so one is always within easy reach. Some children this age want to hold one in each hand. If you do let him keep the pacifier, he may well attach to it as he would to a lovey, and you may eventually have to tackle pacifier withdrawal more directly. Some parents, however, wait until their children get a little older to confront this issue. I would encourage you at this point to limit the pacifier to crib and car so that your child will experiment with other forms of self-soothing. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Some parents take the pacifier away at night, but leave it at nap time when it is harder for babies to settle themselves. If you decide to go without the pacifier, or if you try to let your baby take care of his own pacifier but he still resists and still wakes up in search of it repeatedly, choose a night when you are ready to face a little unpleasantness. Make sure you have an especially nice and calming bedtime routine, and try to get him to bed drowsy but awake. Don’t give him the pacifier. Stroke or soothe him, just as you would a child you were weaning. Instead of giving him the pacifier, use techniques similar to those that break nighttime nursing or walking and rocking habits. Do this each time she wakes up at night. As always, consistency is important. If you surrender after she’s cried for an hour, you’re teaching her to cry for an hour before he gets the pacifier. 4. Tackling Early Risings If your child is awake at 6:00 AM, you’ll probably have to accept that, even if your own preference is to sleep another hour or so. Many babies do wake up early, and feel fine that way. Remember to adapt the meal and nap schedule to suit his early hours. The first nap should be one-and-a-half to two hours after wake-up. You also may try shifting bedtime later in fifteen-minute intervals to see if that will help him into sleeping better, but be careful. He may still wake up at 6:00, but be more tired because he’s no longer getting enough sleep at the front end. Don’t force him to stay up when he really needs to go to sleep or he won’t be able to fall asleep when you want him to. Room-darkening blinds may help, and white noise machines can be useful if there’s a lot of noise around. For a baby who wakes up before 6:00 AM, you need to step in and take action, teaching him to sleep later. Address the problem now, even if it takes several weeks to see results. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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If you want until he’s a toddler or preschooler, it can take even longer. Make sure your early riser is getting enough daytime sleep, because nap deprivation can cause poor night sleep and early awakenings. You may have to change his nap schedule too, to make his morning nap a little later. Try moving it back a half hour or so, but don’t let him get so tired that he won’t be able to nap. When your early riser stirs, go to his room right away. You want to try to get him back to sleep as soon as possible, not let him scream himself awake. Bring the lovey and give it to him while trying to soothe him back to sleep without picking him up. Even if he doesn’t doze off again – and not all babies will at first – do not turn on the lights or get him out of his crib until 6:00 AM not matter how much he protests. You don’t want to send confusing messages. At this age, I recommend that the parent stay in the room for this early morning routine. If, however, you feel your presence is more disruptive than helpful for his sleep, you can try leaving his room after a bit of reassurance and see if he falls asleep again on his own.

Check on him every ten to fifteen minutes. If you choose to stay in the room, keep the interaction minimal. When the clock strikes 6:00, make a big deal out of “good morning” time. Do a dramatic wake up. The morning routine is the flip side of the bedtime routine coin. Your goal is to help him distinguish between day and night, to know when it really is time to get up. Your message must be clear: ‘I’m getting you of the crib because it’s morning, not because you were crying.’

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5. Napping To ensure good sleep, limit the morning nap to one-and-a-half hours for the ninemonth-old, and one hour for the twelve-month-old. Get that afternoon nap started about three hours after the morning one ends. If he’s been ill, or slept poorly one night, he might need a longer nap once in a while, but don’t make it a habit. Nap training isn’t fun or easy all the time, and it often involves tears. Some of us can cope with a crying baby in daylight more easily than we can at night. We are more rested and we just don’t feel as bad leaving them alone when it’s not dark. But some of us experience a terrible time doing nap training ourselves at home when our partner or spouse isn’t there for moral and emotional support. Here’s the nap training in a nutshell. Put your child in a crib drowsy but awake and give him an entire hour to fall asleep at the morning and afternoon naps. Don’t stay in the room if you sense that your presence keeps him awake. Not all babies will take that full hour, or they may only take the full hour for the first few days. Have a backup plan for the afternoon. Give him that hour to fall asleep but when the hour is up and he’s still awake, do a dramatic wake-up. Then do whatever it takes to get him to sleep. If he falls asleep but only catnaps, waking up after twenty or thirty minutes, resettle him and start your sixty-minute count again. A common mistake is to offer the child a brief comfort nursing right before nap time. What often happens is that the baby dozes after about fifteen minutes while nursing—a little ‘power nap’ on the breast. It gives him just enough sleep to fight off a genuine nap. Moms should eliminate pre-nap nursing, or schedule it earlier in the day. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Thirteen to Eighteen Months At this age, toddlers need an average of eleven-and-a-half hours of uninterrupted sleep at night and two-and-a-half hours during the day. Children at the younger end of this age group take two naps, in the morning and afternoon, but by eighteen months they consolidate to one midday or afternoon nap. Early toddlers are predisposed to have specific behavioral sleep problems. Their increased mobility, a peak in separation anxiety around the first birthday, and emotional attachment to objects such as bottles and pacifiers can all complicate bedtime and contribute to nighttime awakenings. At around fifteen to eighteen months, toddlers switch from two naps to one. What makes it tricky is the fact that one nap becomes insufficient and two naps become too many. The result is an overtired child who doesn’t sleep well at night. As if that wasn’t enough, temper tantrums often emerge at this age, and toddlers start testing their parents. Not surprisingly, bedtime is a common battlefield. A soothing bedtime routine is extremely important for children at this age, and adhering constantly to routines and clear rules is crucial, because the next stage is only tougher. At this age, separation anxiety hits a peak right around the first birthday. Saying “night-night” to parents can be though. That nice long transition to bedtime, good focused time with one or both parents, helps ease the fears. Although one-year-olds can’t say much, they understand an awful lot, so give plenty of verbal assurance about how Mommy and Daddy are nearby. Loveys are very useful at this age as children cope with separation anxiety. Many families have told me their babies resisted all attempts to have them bond with a special toy the first year, but quickly attached to an object around age one.

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To help create and strengthen this bond, incorporate the lovey in bedtime and naptime sessions. For example, if you play peek-a-boo before bed, the lovey should play peek-a-boo too. If you walk around the room saying good night to favorite objects, the lovey should say good night too. Tuck the lovey in with her in the crib at bed and nap time. At some point, your baby might mimic bedtime activities for the lovey, giving the toy a goodnight kiss and tucking it in. Even if the lovey bond hasn’t stuck before, I strongly recommend making another effort now. Toddlers often get emotionally attached to the breast, their bottle, or pacifier, and they wake up often at night wanting a bottle or cup, not because hunger or thirst steps in, but because it helps them feel secure. Weakening the attachment to these things goes hand in hand with strengthening the attachment to the lovey—you’ll face trouble helping create the lovey bond if you don’t reduce the previous attachment simultaneously. Snuggly toys help toddlers get themselves back to sleep independently at night. In contrast, attachment to a breast, bottle, cup, or pacifier often makes kids wake up and call for you to nurse them. When it comes to eating, we, as parents, have to acknowledge the fact that milk isn’t the heart of our children’s diet anymore. By their first birthday, babies get most of their nutrition and calories from solid food.

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Remember, your baby isn’t an infant anymore, so feeding him lots of milk right before bedtime will not lengthen his sleep. On the contrary, it might contribute to his habit of associating milk with sleep, and wanting to drink all night. It may also invite him to wake up and let you know loudly that he has a soaking wet diaper. If you wean—and many mothers do around the first birthday—I recommend going from breast feeding to a cup, not to a bottle. Weaning should be an easy, natural transition. It rarely disrupts sleep, but sleep that is already disrupted can make weaning harder for an overtired, unhappy baby. Weaning is more difficult if he has not learned how to fall asleep without a breast or bottle in his mouth. There’s no right way to wean, but the most common advice is to drop one daytime feeding one week, drop a second one the second week, and so on. Many mothers continue nursing the first thing in the morning and once at bedtime well beyond the first birthday. That’s only a problem when the baby can’t go to sleep, or back to sleep, without being breastfed. In that case, you are facing a sleep issue, not a weaning issue. If your child is using a bottle rather than a sippy cup, I’d strongly consider making the switch now, particularly if the bottle is a sleep crutch. Check with your pediatrician, if there are any growth concerns and the doctor recommends sticking to the bottle for a while, you can address the sleep associations. Give the bottle when your child is awake, after a nap for instance, instead of right before naptime or bedtime. The transition from bottle to cup can be gentle and gradual. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Start with the first morning bottle. Fill it with only three or four ounces, and then move quickly to breakfast. After a few days, offer a sippy cup of milk. Then begin reducing the amount of milk in the bottles that you offer before or after lunch and dinner. Give him a cup with his meal instead. You may find that if you give him the bottle after his meal, he won’t really want it much anymore, he won’t be hungry. If your baby becomes fussy during daytime and asks for a bottle, look at the clock and your sleep log. Is he really hungry or does he want the bottle out of habit? Don’t assume that the bottle is the only thing that will make him feel calm and happy. When you are ready to wean him from the bedtime bottle, follow a similar strategy. Reduce the amount of milk every two or three days, from eight ounces, down to six ounces, to four, to two. Then offer him a sippy cup of water instead. Sometimes a baby protests when he hits that four-ounce mark because it is no longer enough fluid for him to suck himself to sleep. Find other ways of comforting him, and stick to your plan accordingly.

Custom Schedule For Constant Sleep 7:00 - 7:30 AM –

Wake up and breakfast

9:00 or 9:30 AM –

Start of one-hour morning nap if he’s still taking one. He’ll probably want a snack right before or after the nap

11:30 AM - 12:30 PM –

Lunch (depending on morning-nap timing)

12:30 - 1:30 PM –

Start of afternoon nap. About 1.5 hours if it’s a second nap, about 2 to 2.5 hours if it’s the only nap of the day. Snack after nap

5:00 - 5:30 PM -

Dinner

6:00 - 6:30 PM –

Start bath/bedtime routine

7:00 - 8:00 PM -

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If you read the earlier chapters, you know that children need regular nap times, regular bedtimes, and three recognizable mealtimes. Their bodies need the routine to regulate day and night hormone cycles, and to keep them in sync with their internal clock. Their little minds need certainty and predictability to feel safe and secure. But don’t forget about flexibility. The custom schedule is a good starting point that is flexible and can be adapted to your specific situation—it’s not a rigid structure. Remember: Watch your baby’s daytime behavior. If he’s easy and happy, he’s probably on a pretty good schedule. If he’s fussy and demanding, he may need longer naps, an earlier bedtime, a later wake-up time, or all of the above. If you have to skip a nap because of a doctor’s appointment, for example, most toddlers fare better missing the morning nap than the afternoon one. You can move the afternoon nap up a bit to compensate for a missed morning one. Thirteen- to eighteen-month-olds should have three recognizable mealtimes a day. Most snack twice a day, either before or after the morning nap, and upon awakening from the afternoon one. Your pediatrician will assure you that healthy children in this age group on a normal growth curve can almost always go eleven to twelve hours at night without food. If you child is still waking to eat frequently, you have to adjust his biological clock, change his sleep habits, or both. And don’t give a bottle at bedtime in the hope that it will make him sleep longer those days are long gone.

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• Tackling Problems & Eliminating Negative Associations Babies who have trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep experience what sleep experts call negative associations, or sleep crutches. These behaviors aren’t bad, they only become bad when they interfere with sleep—yours of your baby’s. For example, children should be hugged and snuggled, but if they are hugged and snuggled until they fall asleep and each and every time they wake up at night, they will never learn how to fall asleep without being hugged and snuggled. 1. Eliminating Night-Time Feeding As you probably know, healthy toddlers should be able to go from dinner until breakfast without a feeding, eleven or twelve hours. Your pediatrician can confirm. With infants, I usually suggest a gradual elimination of nighttime feedings, but after the first birthday it’s usually best to just stop it cold. When she wakes up wanting to nurse or take a bottle, sit by her side and find other ways to calm and comfort her. Pat on her mattress a bit, murmur “sh-sh” sounds, tell her it’s night-night time. Don’t surrender and feed her, or the inconsistency is going to make the change more prolonged and difficult for her. If you can’t stop at once, try a dream feed for a few days, no more than a week. That’s when you wake her, or half wake her, sometime between 10:00 and 11:00 PM, for one last feeding to help her tide over. If you don’t feed her at night, she’ll wake up hungrier in the morning. If she’s hungry in the morning, she’ll eat more during the day. If she eats more during the day, she won’t wake up as hungry in the night. It’s a beneficial circle, the opposite of a vicious one. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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2. Eliminating Walking And Rocking To Sleep

If you are still walking or rocking your child to sleep—stop it. Now there are easier ways to get weight-bearing exercise that don’t involve sleep disruption. A few minutes of walking or rocking before bedtime is fine if you can then put him down without him squawking and if he doesn’t wake up at night demanding another walk. But if walking and rocking have become a sleep crutch, you need to get rid of it. Make sure you have a nice long and comforting bedtime routine. You can include a little bit of walking or rocking in it, just don’t let it maintain the negative association. Several minutes in the rocking chair while you read a book, or a brief walk around the room saying good night to favorite toys is fine. Then put him down, drowsy but awake. If he wakes up, go to him quickly but don’t walk or rock him. Sit by his bed and pat him, stroke him,whisper soothingwords, but leave him be.

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3. Getting Rid Of The Pacifier

Most pediatricians recommend weaning your child off the pacifier by eighteen months to two years, but if your child is waking up a lot at night seeking his pacifier, you may want to act now. Moreover, be prepared for a few nights of unpleasantness. Start by comforting your baby and encouraging him to bond to a lovey or other alternative. As you take the pacifier away, say something soothing like, “Look, here’s Teddy and he wants to hug you.” That distracts him from the pacifier, and provides a security substitute. Also, at this age, lots of babies go through the “pacifier-throwing” stage. They love to hurt it out of their crib and make you fetch it. Try to ignore it and eliminate the habit.

4. Tackling Early Risings If your toddler is up at 6:00 in the morning, joyful and happy, it may be a strain on you but it’s not a crisis for him. 6:00 AM is a common wake-up time for young children. If he’s up at 6:00 but cranky after half an hour or so, or if he wakes consistently before 6:00, it may indicate sleep deprivation. Remember: Even if it sounds strange or even counterintuitive, young children who go to bed too late wake up too early. Try getting your baby to sleep between 7:00 and 8:00 PM, and ensure that he is getting enough naptime – this might help him shift his biological clock and help you overcome the early awakening. Be careful and use your intuition. You are walking on a thin line and you must balance between pushing him to nap later and not postponing it so long that he is too wired to sleep. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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If your baby wakes up before 6:00 AM, however, you are going to have to teach him to sleep. After his first birthday, if early rising is an established habit that has gone on for several months, it will probably take between three and four weeks of parental consistency to change it. When he gets up, respond immediately. Your goal is to get him back to sleep quickly and quietly, not to let him scream himself into total wakefulness. Give him his lovey and try to soothe him back to sleep without picking him up. No matter how much he may protest, don’t turn on the lights or let him out of the crib until 6:00 AM. Letting him get up earlier, especially if it’s still dark, sends a confusing message that acts against you. Sleep training at 5:00 in the morning, when we are being pulled out of a dream sleep ourselves, is very difficult. It’s up to you whether you stay in the room or leave, and you may have to experiment to see what works best for you and your child. If you choose to remain in the room, keep the interaction at a minimum. Try sitting in a chair with your eyes closed. That helps convey a message that it’s still night-night time. If he’s still awake when the clock finally strikes 6:00, leave the room for a couple of minutes. He may cry, but don’t let that bother you—you will be right back in two minutes. When you return, put on a good-morning show. Open the blinds, turn on the lights, sing a cheery morning song. You want to send a very clear message: ‘I’m getting you out of the crib because it’s wake-up time—not because you were crying.’ As I said earlier, if this “wake-up early” habit is several months old, expect it to take at least a few weeks to get him out of it. It’s best if two parents take turns, so one isn’t always exhausted and resentful. My husband did a great job waking up early to soothe our baby, and so can yours. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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5. Napping I’m going to talk about two aspects of napping. First, I’ll try to help the toddlers who don’t nap well or who don’t nap at all. Then I’ll address the problem of nap consolidation—how to know when the time is right, and how to make the transition easier for all concerned. The thing is, the two problems overlap—nap training is hard and it may be harder if his body is getting ready for a nap transition. The advice applies whether your toddler is on a two-nap or one-nap schedule. Remember, when she’s taking two naps, the morning one should be about one hour long, and the afternoon one about an hour and a half. A little flexibility is allowed, but don’t let him sleep so long in the morning that he can’t go down in the afternoon—nap needs will slowly shrink to about ninety minutes by age three. Keep in mind how hard it is for children to switch gears and get to sleep in daylight, particularly toddlers who are in constant motion. Set the stage for him in a quiet, dim room. Listen to some quiet music, read a book or two, or play some gentle games before putting him into the crib. Put him down drowsy—even a little drowsier than he is at night, but awake. It’s up to you whether you stay in the room and soothe him, or leave. If your presence calms him, stay. If your presence stimulates him, leave. But don’t go too far away and check on him every ten or fifteen minutes. Either way, don’t converse—you can, however, murmur “sh-sh” comforting sounds. Resist picking him up unless he is about to reach that point-of-no-return, and then pick him up briefly and put him down as soon as he is calm. Give him an entire hour to fall asleep. He might cry for an entire hour, but try to make yourself get through it. If he doesn’t sleep in an hour, leave the room and come back doing your dramatic wake-up. However, if he did not sleep during the morning nap, try to get him down for his next nap earlier than usual, because he’s going to be overtired. You need to look for sleepiness signals to know when to try again. Try the same approach for the next nap. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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If the afternoon nap doesn’t go well either, trigger your emergency backup plan. Even though I usually advise against motion-induced sleep, this is a time to make an exception to the rule. Take him for a car ride, put him in the stroller, do whatever it takes but avoid returning to the original sleep crutch. Otherwise he will be too overtired to go to bed at night and you’ll be back to that downward spiral of sleep deprivation leading to more sleep deprivation. Go back to the nap training again the following day—eventually he’ll get the message that when you put him in the crib, it’s time to sleep. 6. The Transition To One Nap A Day The transition from two naps to one nap is an essential physical and psychological change, and almost all children undergo the “one nap is not enough, two naps are too many” phase. Lots of parents get very nervous about this, and even in the best case scenario you will probably have a little bit of crankiness and disruption for a couple of weeks. The trick is to know when your child is ready to make the transition to a single afternoon nap and to make sure he doesn’t get so overtired during the transition that he crosses the line between mildly cranky and totally sleep-deprived. Try to get your child to bed earlier than usual for two weeks or so during the transition—maybe 7:00 or 7:30 PM—to cushion him from being overtired. He might cry for an entire hour, but try to make yourself get through it. If he doesn’t sleep in an hour, leave the room and come back doing your dramatic wake-up. However, if he did not sleep during the morning nap, try to get him down for his next nap earlier than usual, because he’s going to be overtired. You need to look for sleepiness signals to know when to try again. Try the same approach for the next nap. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Don’t mistake one or two shortened morning naps as signs that he’s ready for the change. That might happen once in a while as he gets older. Only when this pattern becomes consistent, you need to help him start the consolidation. Your aim is to have one nap starting around 12:30 or 1:00 PM. It should last two to two and a half hours—it will become shorter during the next three years. But you need to get him there gradually over a period of about seven to ten days. Just skipping the morning nap and trying to keep him up until 1:00 PM is not going to make anybody happy. Start by pushing his morning nap a bit later. Delay it until 11:00 AM or so for two or three days, then 11:30 for a few days, then noon, and so on. Don’t let it get bogged down in late morning. You want him on that early afternoon schedule within seven to ten days, although it may take another week or so for his body’s sleep cycles to adjust. In addition, if your child is not yet sleeping through the night, work on that before you address the issue of nap consolidation. When he’s slept through the night consistently for a few weeks, then you can begin changing the nap schedule if you see that he is ready.

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One And A Half To Two And A Half Years Old An eighteen-month-old sleeps on average between eleven hours at night and two and a quarter hours during one midday or afternoon nap. At age two, sleep requirements drop to eleven hours at night and two during the day. Over the next year that will drop to ten and a half hours at night and one and a half during the day. Remember, however, that these are averages but variations should not be huge. Toddlers and early preschoolers are definitely funny, but bedtime can be a great challenge. They are learning to follow simple directions, yet they also test their limits. At this age, curiosity is bursting through every inch of their body and their language skills are improving greatly by the day. But as their language skills improve, they just love to stall and negotiate around bedtime. To prevent bedtime from becoming a war zone, make sure that you have a very consistent and predictable routine. Clear rules and parental consistency are essential, along with plenty of love, cuddles and kisses. Sadly, and all too often, many parents rush to get their child out of a crib or into a bed, as though it were a sign of achievement, maturity, or their guaranteed success as adults. Children who switch too young to a bed may experience sleep disruptions, and difficult, teary bedtimes. Safety is also a problem. A twenty-month-old walking around in his room at night, pulling out drawers and unplugging lamps can be wonderful but potentially hazardous. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Starting with age three, however, a child acquires the verbal skills to understand the big bed rules and to communicate when he has gotten out of bed for the tenth time at night. One of the most difficult aspects of sleep training for one-and-a-half to two-anda-half-year-olds is that parents are a bit skeptical that they can change their babies’ ingrained habits, and they are so sleep-deprived after two years that the required nighttime consistency is hard to keep. But there’s good news. As you will see, children can—and do—learn to renounce their sleep crutches. They give up their bottles, their midnight nursing, and their need to be walked or rocked. Regarding developmental changes, separation anxiety comes first. While true that it may have peaked at the first birthday, starting from eighteen months onward and throughout early childhood, separation anxiety will remain somewhat present. A nice, gentle, and predictable transition to bedtime and quality time with one or both parents helps soothe those worries. At some point, your child may begin to articulate that he wants you to stay with him at bedtime. It can be heartbreaking to hear him plead “Mommy, stay.” Be gentle but firm when the time comes to say good night. If your child isn’t talking yet, he can probably still understand your verbal reassurances about how Mommy and Daddy love him and will be nearby. A lot of children find it easier to fall asleep if you stay in a nearby room, not another floor of the house. Even though they can’t see you, they know you’re there. Young enough to still experience some separation anxiety at night, and old enough to suspect they may be missing excitement if they are asleep, children at this age excel in delaying tactics at bedtime. When a child repeatedly seeks to receive attention after reasonable limits have been reached, you should act at once. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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First, define what you consider reasonable limits for your child. Perhaps you want to say good night once and that’s it. Or maybe you don’t mind going in two or three times. But once you set those limits, make them clear to your child. When it’s time, it’s time. Inconsistency leads to nowhere. As for loveys, they are very important for those children who are gaining independence but still need that extra helping of security. Loveys help deal with separation and with breaking lingering emotional attachment to bottles, cups, or pacifiers. With their expanding imagination, babies also like including loveys in bedtime games. However, if your child’s lovey is a pacifier, a bottle a cup, or even your breast, he may not accept a new lovey as easily. As you wean him from the bottle, or start to break the association between nursing and sleep, he will be more receptive to a new security object. It just needs some time. Parents may worry if their child wants to carry the lovey everywhere. If the lovey is a pacifier, restrict it first to the house, then to nap and sleep time. At this age, new mobility kicks in. If your child starts climbing out, dissuade him by making the climb harder by lowering the mattress. Place soft pillows on the ground for safety, just in case. Also, remove large toys from the crib that might serve as launch pads. If he does get out, put him right back in the crib, saying only this: no climbing. Be firm, but don’t yell at him. If your child still seems determined to get out, try a crib tent, a zipped mesh cover that lets him see out but not get out. That may buy you a few months before you switch to the bed, although if your child dislikes the tent, don’t push it. Children who move from the crib too early don’t necessarily have the verbal skills to understand bedtime rules. They keep getting out of bed, and you may end up having to gate the doorway or even shut the door, which sometimes leads to tears and tantrums. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Some kids do hate cribs and start talking about “big boy” or “big girl” beds. If they can articulate it, that’s a good sign that they have the verbal ability to understand as well. Remind him that privilege is accompanied by rules, like staying in bed all night. As for food, when our babies are little, we strive to get them to bed on a full tummy, hoping it will help them learn to sleep longer at night. That’s no longer necessary. Generally speaking, children this age should be able to go twelve or thirteen hours from dinner until breakfast, without a bedtime snack except, perhaps, a glass of water. The majority of pediatricians recommend limiting milk to eighteen to twenty-four ounces a day maximum. Kids who drink milk (or juice) all day tend not to be hungry at mealtimes and don’t get enough solid foods, or enough of a variety of solid foods, to meet their expanded nutritional needs. Children eighteen to thirty months old should have three recognizable mealtimes, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, plus snacks in the midmorning and after the afternoon nap. Remember: Healthy childhood eating patterns help shape healthy eating patterns later in life. If you haven’t already introduced a cup, do so now even if you are still nursing. Offer the sippy cup, of water, milk, formula, whatever your pediatrician recommends, at each meal. If he takes a bottle at night, switch to a cup, and if he takes milk at bedtime, switch to water. You don’t want the milk bottle to become a sleep crutch. Children at this age may get frightened, thinking about all sorts of monsters at bedtime. Remember that the fear is real, even if the monsters aren’t. Do what you need to console him and to convince him that monsters do not exist.

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Custom Schedule For Constant Sleep

7:00 - 7:30 AM – Wake up and breakfast 12:00 - 12:30 PM – Lunch 12:30 or 1:30 PM – Start afternoon nap. Snack upon waking. 5:00 - 5:30 PM - Dinner 6:00 - 6:30 PM - Start bath/bedtime routine 7:00 - 8:00 PM - Bedtime

Children need regular nap times, regular bedtimes, and reasonably regular mealtimes. Routine is needed to regulate day and night hormone cycles, and to guarantee a sense of certainty and predictability. Sleep times are averages but the variations are a lot less than many parents think, and your child may well need a lot more sleep than he’s getting. Even when you develop a nice workable schedule, you will experience some natural fluctuations. As toddlers turn into preschoolers, they may be able to skip an occasional nap without falling apart. Don’t be fooled into thinking that your youngster has outgrown naps completely. Most kids need about an hour or an hour-and-a-half until age four.

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• Tackling Problems And Eliminating Negative Associations Many experts who subscribe to the crying-it-out approach to sleep training contend that once children learn how to fall asleep by themselves at bedtime, they somehow magically start sleeping all night. The truth is, we have to help them by addressing their night awakenings with efficiency and consistency. When a child does wake up and cry at night, either because you haven’t totally eliminated all night awakenings or because your child is backsliding a bit, I believe parents should respond quickly. That helps reassure him, and makes him feel safe, secure, and listened to. By going to him, you can reassure yourself that he hasn’t gotten sick, his foot isn’t stuck in a crib slat, his blanket isn’t around his neck, his diaper isn’t soaked, and so on. If he absolutely positively needs to be picked up, or hugged, then pick him up or hug him but keep it brief and put him back down as soon as he is calm. The goal is to get him back to sleep, not to have him scream himself awake. Hysterics make everyone feel bad, and it’s harder for both the child and the parent to get back to sleep. But still, you have a few choices as to how to respond. You just need to strike a balance between what feels right to you as a loving parent and what helps your child learn to sleep. You can sit by his side or in a chair in his room, comforting him. Try to soothe him with loving sounds and phrases more than with patting and touching. However, if you sense that he is continuing to wake up one or more times every night in order to get you there, you’ll have to back off a bit. Maybe sit in the hallway instead. You can also go to his room quickly to calm and reassure him, then sit in the doorway or hallway until he falls asleep again or gets drowsy enough for you to leave without setting off more tears. Other options would be to let him cry if you think he’ll get himself back to sleep quickly, or go to quickly reassure him but then return to your own room. Whichever method you choose, remember to interact as little as possible, and keep it soft and gentle. Don’t scold. If your little bundle of joy is getting out of bed, walk him back to bed, tuck him in, and then choose one of the above methods. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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1. Eliminating Night-Time Feeding A bedtime snack or milk will not prolong or improve your child’s sleep at this age. On the contrary, it may actually disrupt sleep by making them seek a cup or bottle every time they stir at night. Many kids do still have the nighttime milk habit, mainly because we as parents were so concerned about getting that last meal in them as infants that we haven’t let go of it now that they are toddlers. In those specific situations, feeding and sleeping patterns may still be closely entwined. What you need to know is that there is a subtle but important difference between nursing at bedtime and nursing to sleep. Some moms breastfeed until age two or older, and bedtime may be the nursing time they hold on to the longest. Avoid letting your child fall asleep at the breast. Either nurse until he’s drowsy but still awake and then put him down or, better yet at this age, nurse him as part of the bedtime ritual but not as the last activity. In other words, nurse, and then brush teeth, play a game, and read a book. Do something to create a little space between nursing and sleeping. With cups and bottles, you want to move from a bottle to a cup, from milk to water, from in bed to shortly before bed. How fast you make those changes depends on your temperament and your child’s, but your aim must be a cup of water before lights out. Some kids switch in a day if you explain it to them, but others take it slower and may resist a little, but even a gradual transition should not take more than a week to ten days. At this age, the best strategy is usually to stop the night feedings. Comfort the child when he wakes up wanting the breast, cup, or bottle. Explain at bedtime that he is a big boy now and no longer needs his milk at night.

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Tell him he is going to sleep better and feel better if he doesn’t wake up for milk anymore and that Mommy and Daddy are going to be very proud of him. When he does wake up wanting milk, go to his room. Stroke him a bit, even pick him up for a big comforting hug. Keep encouraging that bond with the lovey, to replace the bottle. Then put him back down and stay quietly in his room until he falls asleep again.

2. Eliminating Walking And Rocking To Sleep

Many of us walk and rock our newborns to a soothing sleep, but after eighteen months, or thirty, it gets a little old—and babies get very heavy. If your baby gets rocked in the middle of the night, but not at bedtime, explain to your child that you will sit in his room and help him get himself back to sleep but you won’t rock him anymore. Then gradually phase yourself out of the room. You aren’t eliminating cuddles, you are just eliminating cuddling as a sleep crutch. You can have your child nestle into your lap while you read stories or sing songs with the lights on. But don’t let him fall asleep in your arms or your lap—he must do that in his own bed, by himself.

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3. Getting Rid Of The Pacifier

If your child’s pacifier habits disrupt his sleep, especially if he wakes up calling you to fetch it, the time has come to break the habit. Most pediatricians agree this is a good age to deal with it. Tell him it’s time to give up paci. Give him a little while to get used to the idea, and then choose a day to act. When he fusses or cries, calm him, pat him, and stroke him. Expect a few rough nights and naps. Make sure you work on strengthening his bond with his lovey. It’s teddy time, not paci time. That distracts him from the pacifier and provides a security substitute. Better yet, try getting him a new lovey as you take away the pacifier—this might him distract him even more efficiently. Whatever you do, once you throw it away, don’t go out and buy another one after an hour of whining. A lot of parents do not feel comfortable taking away the pacifier, waiting to see if the baby gives it up on his own. There’s a good chance you will have to take it away eventually but if you aren’t ready now, I would restrict the pacifier to bedtime and nap time. Don’t let him keep carrying it around all day. He’s old enough to find it by himself by now if you put several pacifiers in his crib or bed with him. He should be able to grab one, and get back to sleep without calling for you. The first few nights, you might have to remind him from the doorway to reach for it himself. Don’t get it for him. You should still encourage the lovey bond. It is really more useful for him to hold on at night than the pacifier and will eventually help him give up the pacifier.

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4. Tackling Early Risings Early rising, at 5:00 or 5:30 AM remains very common at this age, and children who get up very early are usually exhausted and fussy by midmorning.

It may sound counterintuitive, but early rising is often caused by a late bedtime. Rather than being up bright and early because they are so ready to start their day, they are in fact sleep deprived. Remember: The very first thing you should do is get your baby to bed earlier. Shift bedtime a few minutes earlier each day, so that the child is going to bed between 7:00 and 8:00 PM, which remains a good target bedtime up until around age five. Moreover, you need to make sure he is napping enough. If early awakenings have been going on for months or even years, as is sometimes the case with children this age, it may take three to four weeks to change it. As always, consistency is crucial. In this context, it means utter consistency and a little more rigidity. Intermittent reinforcement at 5:00 AM is not a good idea. Some parents give up trying to teach the child to sleep later, and instead are satisfied if they get him to stay in his room and play quietly until 6:00. While this may work in some cases, children do better and get less tired during the day if you can get them to sleep that hour or so. Respond quickly when he wakes and calls for you. Letting him scream will only make him more awake. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Go to him, saying “It is not time to wake up” or “Mommy and Daddy are sleeping.” Don’t turn on the light or raise the blinds. Give him his lovey and reassure him. With younger babies, there’s the option of staying in the room. At this age, however, it is better if you leave because your presence will probably stimulate him into trying to stay awake. Check on him every fifteen or twenty minutes, until he falls asleep again. If he comes out of the room for you, take him back to his bed. Promise you will check on him soon. At 6:00 AM, go back into the room and have a dramatic wake-up to start the day. You want to send a clear message: you need to wake up because it’s morning, not because you are crying. At some point at this age, usually as they approach two and a half years, try using the alarm clock. Instead of having your child mad at you, blame the clock. The clock says “it’s not time to wake up yet, sweetie, you need to stay in bed until the clock says get up.” You might be able to teach him to recognize 6:00 on a digital clock and not get out of bed or call for you until he sees that number. Another option would be to set a musical alarm at for 6:00, and tell the child that if he wakes up before the music starts, he has to stay in bed. These clock-related approaches, however, may work or not. Some kids get it and others don’t until they are three or four. In many families, toddlers wake up at 6:00 AM joyful and happy—but the parents accustomed to sleeping until 7:00 or 8:00 are grumpy. You can try training him to sleep later if you want, but you might have to deal with this habit for another year or two, and try to get to bed earlier yourself. You can also try to teach him to stay in his room and play quietly or look at a book until you come to get him. Reward him if he does, but don’t be mad if he doesn’t— it’s a hard skill to learn at this particular age. He wants to see Mommy and Daddy after being away from you all night, and he may also be hungry or wet. If he wakes up at 6:00 AM but is cranky by 6:30, then he is getting up too early. Consider it a signal of sleep deprivation and start training him to sleep for another hour or so. Make sure he gets to sleep between 7:00 and 8:00 at night, and that he naps enough during the day. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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5. Napping At this age, most children have consolidated to one nap a day, or will do so shortly. Usually, they nap from roughly one to three in the afternoon. As you know, napping can be difficult for children for the same reason it is for many adults—they need a lot of time to get ready for rest, given the daylight. Children this age still need naps, even if they think they don’t, and you may have to train them. Get the child ready for his nap, and then put him in his room and have him stay there for an hour, whether he falls asleep or not. Stay with him, sit right outside his door, or check on him every ten or fifteen minutes. But don’t engage or talk, try not to pick him up, and do make him try to stay in bed or at least in his room, for the full hour. If your child still hasn’t fallen asleep after an hour, do a dramatic wake-up and get him out. But then use an emergency backup method, such as a drive in the car, to get him to sleep. Motion sleep is not the most restful sleep, but I’s better than no sleep while you are nap training. Try again to get him to nap the next day. Use logic, bribes, or whatever it takes, but keep him in that room and convince him to sleep. Getting him to sleep may only be half the battle, because some kids won’t stay asleep. Catnapping, though more common with younger babies, can still happen at this age. You want him to sleep for two hours, not forty minutes. If he wakes up after forty minutes, go to his crib or bed and reassure him but don’t let him get up. Tell him it’s still nap time and he has to stay in his bed. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Stroke him a little if that helps him get back to sleep. Don’t get him out of his crib or room for at least an hour, whether he falls asleep again or not. Nap training is often very hard on the parent, usually the mom, who is at home without the moral support of her husband at that time of day. And even for those parents who cope with tears in daylight better than they do at night, nap training can seem incredibly hard and time consuming. If nap training is absolutely too much for you then give yourself permission to give up for now. Keep using your backup solutions so you don’t have such an overtired child that bedtime falls apart again. Try nap training again in a few months.

Two And A Half To Five Years Old Between two and three years, average sleep needs drop to approximately ten-and-a-half hours at night, plus an hour and a half afternoon nap. Four-year-olds need eleven-and-a-half hours at night, and most no longer nap daily. Five-year-olds sleep about eleven hours a night. Preschoolers still need to sleep a lot, but they are very clever at inventing reasons not to get it. They stall and evade with amazing creativity, which for parents can be frustrating, amusing, or both. Sleep shaping for this age group requires a mix of the techniques you are already familiar with from earlier chapters and new ones designed for older and more verbal children. As parents, we need to add some discipline into the bedtime routine, but still keep it warm and cozy. As they begin to cut back and eventually outgrow their naps, we have to keep watching their sleep and wake schedules and introduce some afternoon quiet time unless we enjoy meltdowns before dinner. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Children this age often still experience separation anxiety at bedtime, which is why so many of them demand that you lie down with them at bedtime or they’ll wander out of bed looking for you. If they have sound sleep habits they can learn to settle down more easily with a lovey, a dim night-light, and some reassurance. A good, comforting bedtime routine is essential. Don’t rush through it, but don’t let him keep stalling and bending the rules either. A promise to check on him again before you go to bed is very reassuring. And if you say you’ll do it, do it. Preschoolers and kindergarteners shouldn’t need to drag a security blanket or favorite toy wherever they go, but they are definitely not too old for a lovey at bedtime. Some kids are and always will be indifferent to loveys, but a lot of kids will get attached now, even if they spurned one toy after another when they were younger. Some children switch allegiances, first bonding to a bedtime toy, then latching onto another one. That’s fine. It’s their way of satisfying their own evolving tastes. If your child sleeps with the same lovey every night, make sure you tuck it in with her and say good night to them both. If she likes different loveys, let her make that night’s selection pretty early in the routine. As expected, at this age mobility increases greatly. Most children move out of the crib by age three, although I don’t personally think there’s anything wrong with keeping a child in a crib until age four. Regarding the transition to the big beg, let your child make a big deal about it. Let him pick out some cool sheets. Explain the privileges but also reinforce the rules. Let him understand that you will still put him to bed, and then he’s expected t stay there. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Be consistent from day one. If he decides to get out of bed, take him right back, but reward him for staying in bed. Some preschoolers go through a phase when they don’t want to sleep in their bed. They want to sleep or nap on a little couch, or a pad on the floor, or on any other soft surface. This may happen right after the transition from the crib, or it may happen later. Don’t worry. If he’s sleeping reasonably well in his room, he’ll probably move into bed himself pretty quickly. Children this age are excellent procrastinators, and any separation anxiety or nighttime fear only hones their skills. The best defense is a sensible bedtime, a good routine, and the ability to gently disengage when they start to pepper you with all sorts of questions. If your child wants you to tuck him in three hundred times, try to do it just once or twice. Tell him what you expect, when the last time will be. Then stick to it and be consistent. You can come back to his doorway in a few minutes to quickly praise him for understanding and following the bedtime rules. Once you’ve reassured him, leave before he starts trying to engage you all over again. Almost all children at some point in this age group experience nighttime fears: monsters, shadows, ghosts, and so forth. You need to acknowledge those fears, without allowing your child to turn them into an excuse to prolong bedtime, or to get out of bed during the night. Try not to ridicule the fears; they are not ridiculous to the child. Tell him that there are no monsters, and then show him there are no monsters. Look under the bed or in the closet, if that’s what he needs you to do. Make lovey a part of the search. If your child is truly terrified, give him the extra comfort he needs. It’s usually better to sit by him and stroke him and hug him rather than lie down and go to sleep with him. If your child has a nightmare, return to his bed and offer extra reassurance. Help him turn his thoughts away from the nightmare and to more pleasant images. Parents have a wide array of techniques and methods available to them to help shape their toddler’s sleep habits and routines. Remember: At this age, children can feel pride and self-worth when they succeed in improving their sleep habits. That’s why positive reinforcement goes a long way for this age group. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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Custom Schedule For Constant Sleep Scheduling isn’t as elaborate, or as hard, for these children as it is for younger ones, and the schedule may be shaped largely by their preschool hours. Generally, you want your child to wake up between 6:30 and 7:30 AM. 6:00 is quite common and, unless they are tired by 7:00, that’s perfectly reasonable. Preschoolers usually need a midmorning snack, and then have lunch around 12:30 PM. If they are still napping, a common time is about 1:00 to 3:00 in the afternoon. For this age group, the bedtime routine is typically the most challenging part of the day. Now that your child is not an infant anymore, you may want to modify his routine a little but make sure it remains soothing and predictable. Bedtime preparations should happen in his room, not all over the house. Include stories, songs, or games that soothe, not stimulate. Avoid fast-moving games and scary stories. Leave plenty of time, at least a half hour, for him to unwind, and to get the attention from you he needs. If you rush it, he’ll be more likely to run out of bed or make you stay longer. Tell him the clock says you have to stop reading at 8:00. If both you and your husband take turns at bedtime, you don’t have to follow an identical schedule but you should follow a similar routine and adapt a specific style, responding to your child’s bedtime power plays, fears, or manipulatio in the same manner. It’s often an excellent idea to warn your children a minute or two before lights-out. Sometimes they like to turn out the light themselves—it’s just another power display. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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• Tackling Problems And Eliminating Negative Associations Many sleep experts believe that once children learn to fall asleep by themselves, they will sleep all night. The truth is, that happens quite often but not always. Furthermore, dealing with the normal nighttime fears and worries of the preschool years, a child may just wake up to say, “Hi Mom, just testing to make sure you’re where you’re supposed to be!” I believe in responding when our children need us. Leaving them to cry out and scream in the dark does not contribute to good sleep for them or for us. Checking on them makes them feel better, and in turn, it makes us feel better. But we don’t want to overdo it. We want to give our children enough comfort so that they feel safe and go back to sleep, but not so much that they stay awake. Remember: Make sure your child is going to bed early enough, and getting the naps he needs at his age. Overtired children are more likely to wake up at night.

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1. Eliminating Night-Time Feeding If your child still takes a bottle, it’s definitely time to get rid of it. Explain that he is a big boy now and doesn’t need a bottle. He may well realize this himself by now. Offer him a cup of water during story time and if he cries for his bottle, comfort and distract him but don’t give him the bottle. In fact, you should get the bottle out of the house or at least out of sight. Focus on strengthening his attachment to a lovey as you remove the bottle, or let him choose another lovey as a reward. If he is emotionally attached to the water cup and it has become a sleep crutch, help him learn to go back to sleep without it. Go to him when he calls for it in the middle of the night, but either just quietly point to the cup you left by him and encourage him to take a sip or two and go back to sleep, or try to comfort him into going back to sleep without it. It will probably take a few nights and you’ll probably have to face some tears but you can sit with him, and stroke him softly as you would a younger child.

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2. Eliminating Walking And Rocking To Sleep

By this age, children aren’t usually rocked like they were as infants, but some still enjoy to be lulled to sleep on their parents’ laps during or after story time. To break this habit, rock or hold him during the bedtime routine, but don’t rock him to sleep after the lights are out. If he tries to climb out of bed and get in your lap, just put him back to bed and soothe him. Usually, a child who still wants to be rocked in the middle of the night after learning to do without it at bedtime is a very rare occurrence. If yours wakes up, soothe him but don’t let him get onto your lap again.

3. Getting Rid Of The Pacifier

If your child is still sucking his thumb, I don’t think he’ll outgrow this habit on his own. You need to act. Age four or five is a good time to address the problem because your child now has the language skills to communicate with you about what can be a several-month process. He also may be getting a little self-conscious about the habit. Praise and encouragement will open the road, but bribery will get you the rest of the way. You need to give something in return. A new toy maybe, or a new lovey. Children are often not even aware thatthey are sucking, but patterns exist. Frustration, overstimulation, or overtiredness can all contribute to this habit. Helping your child realize this fact, and complementing the action with a reward will most probably solve the problem.

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4. Tackling Early Risings

Early rising is a little more difficult to handle once your child switches from crib to bed because they can get up and try to begin their day whether you like it or not. It is a pattern that is difficult to change, and it usually takes three or four weeks of very consistent coaching. Children sometimes wake up too early because they are overtired. He may find it easier to sleep later if you make bedtime earlier by a half hour or so. Remind him at bedtime every night that he has to sleep until at least 6:00 AM. You may be able to teach him to recognize 6:00 on a digital clock, or you may train him to stay in bed until his radio starts to play music. Keep reminding him that he can’t get up because Mommy and Daddy (and brothers and sisters) are still sleeping. He’ll feel better if he knows he isn’t missing a party. If he gets up at, say, 5:30 and comes looking for you, get him back to bed with minimal conversation, reminding him that it isn’t morning time yet. Decide whether you will stay in his room until 6:00, or whether you will leave and check on him every ten minutes. Base your decision partly on which approach is more likely to get him back to sleep. You don’t want him chasing you every thirty seconds if you leave. Nor do you want him to keep talking and chatting and trying to engage you if you stay in his room. You can try both approaches for a day or two to get an idea of which works best, but don’t keep switching back and forth. Choose a method and stick to it for a while.

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Ideally, he should get back to sleep until 6:00 or later and you can snooze in a chair, lie on his floor, or get back to your own bed. If he does sleep, let him wake up on his own, as long as it’s after 6:00, and then start the day with the usual, dramatic wake-up. Your message must be clear and firm: he is starting his day because it’s 6:00 in the morning, not because he cried or screamed. For children who wake up at 6:00 and are perfectly content, you’ll probably have to live with it. It’s a common and appropriate wakeup time for young children, even if you’d rather have him sleep until 7:00. Some children naturally start sleeping later as they get a little older and outgrow napping. If that happens, it will happen on its own. You can’t force it.

5. Napping Sleep needs shift year to year for this age group. As their naps shrink and disappear, they need to sleep a little longer at night. You’ll have to adjust bedtime, unless they naturally begin to sleep in a little later in the morning. Even when they stop napping, quiet time in the late afternoon or before dinner is a must for four-year-olds, and an excellent idea for five-year-olds. With the twoand-a-half or three-year-old, you still need to be vigilant about daily naps. If he skips an occasional one, put him to bed earlier that night. Naps are essential for older children who aren’t sleeping through the night or who are tired during the day. You may find that your child no longer needs a daily nap but still needs a nap day every three or four days. The easiest way to tell whether a preschooler or kindergartener needs a nap is to watch him. If he gets a lot of nighttime sleep and is cheerful and easygoing during the day, he probably doesn’t need a nap. If he is cranky or teary, he probably needs at least a few naps a week. If your child is getting about eleven hours of uninterrupted sleep at night and seems well rested during the day, it may be time to go from naps to quiet time. © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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You may want to cut out naps every other day, rather than eliminate them completely, or you may find that he naps great on the days he’s with his sitter or at preschool but won’t nap on days he’s with you (or vice versa). Children who were good nappers but who now take a very long time to fall asleep in the afternoon may also be ready to phase out the nap and begin quiet time. Quiet time is exactly what it sounds like, about forty-five minutes of solitary play, preferably at the same time every afternoon. It’s a time for children to rest their bodies and to a lesser extent, their minds. Quiet time helps pave the way for a peaceful dinner hour and easy bedtime. Good activities include looking at books, watching an age-appropriate calm children’s video, coloring, or playing in their room. The activity should not need a lot of adult interaction or supervision, so make sure the child is in a safe place.

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THE BENEFITS OF LAUGHTER AT BEDTIME (FOR ALL AGES) Babies and young children are usually so full of energy that it’s hard to put them to sleep and sometimes parents have to find creative ways to tire them out before bedtime. This can be helpful, but one of the problems with most sleep advice out there is that it doesn’t focus on one major cause of sleep issues: the emotional struggles that our children go through. Negative emotions and upset feelings are often what makes it hard for babies, children, (and adults too) to fall asleep, wake in the night or wake too early in the morning. Luckily, there’s an easy way to fix this: laughter. Yes, you read that right – according to research, lots of giggles can help your baby release any stress or remaining tension from the day.

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So bring on the laughs! Laughter has been clinically proven to help babies fall asleep faster and sleep better. Here are the three reasons why: Laughter produces happy hormones Studies have shown that laughter lowers blood pressure and triggers the release of endorphins, a hormone our bodies secrete when we feel happy. Moreover, it helps lower stress levels and makes your baby feel good. Laughter helps release melatonin Melatonin is the hormone responsible for inducing sleep. A study which involved breastfeeding moms showed that those who expressed milk after watching a Charlie Chaplin movies had higher melatonin levels in their breast milk compared to moms who watched a non-comedy movie prior to pumping. Thus, the first group of moms were able to pass on increased levels of melatonin to their newborn babies, who at that age cannot even produce melatonin yet. It makes your child feel secure Laughter also helps build connections. When you laugh with your baby (or laugh and play with your preschooler) before bedtime, he or she will go to sleep feeling safe and secure even if you’ve left their room.

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FINAL THOUGHTS

Take a deep breath and repeat after me, “This too shall pass.” You’re in the middle of it allright now, and it’s hard. But in no time at all, your baby will be sleeping, and so will you. And your concerns will turn to the next phase in this wonderful, challenging, and ultimately rewarding experience we call parenthood. I wish you and your family a lifetime of happiness and love.

REFERENCES AND RESOURCES Healthy Sleep Habits (4th Edition): A Step-By-Step Program For A Good Night’s Sleep – Marc Weissbluth, M.D., Balantine Books, 2015 The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways To Help Your Baby Sleep Through The Night – Elizabeth Pantley, McGraw Hill Education Publishing, 2002 The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide To A Good Night’s Rest – William Sears, Little, Brown and Company, 2005 The Happiest Baby Guide To Great Sleep – Harvey Karp, William Morrow Paperbacks, 2013 The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parent’s Guide To Getting Your Child To Sleep From Birth To Age 5 – Jennifer Waldburger, HCI Publishing, 2007 The Harvard Medical School Guide To A Good Night’s Sleep – Lawrence Epstein; Steven Mardon; McGraw Hill Education Publishing; 2006 © Mary-Ann Schuler – BABYSLEEPMIRACLE.COM

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http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2656292/ - Sleep Deprivation: Impact On Cognitive Performance; Paula Alhola, Paivi Polo-Kantola; Department of Psychology; Sleep Research Unit, University of Turku, Finland; 2007 http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21075236 - Effects Of Sleep Deprivation On Cognition; Killgore W.D; Neuroimaging Center, McLean Hospital, Harvard Medical School; 2010 http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3439810/ - Promoting And Protecting Infant Sleep; Kimberly A. Allen; Duke University School Of Nursing; 2013 http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25973527 - Infant Sleep And Night Feeding Patterns During Later Infancy; Brown A., Harries V., Department Of Public Health, Swansea University, UK; 2015 http://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default%3Fid%3Dnewborn-sleep-patterns-90-P02632&sa=U&ei=58e3VM6CIIr5yATNnIGwAg&ved=0CG8QFjAT&usg=AFQjCNFvyKhlh5_8yFZvCBirEv-fTY56pQ – Stanford Children’s Health, Newborn Sleep Patterns http://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/sleep-naps-12/newborns - How To Set Good Sleep Patterns For Your Baby – A Guide To Your Baby’s Sleep And Naps https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17540228 - Laughter elevates the levels of breast-milk melatonin; Kimata H; Department of Allergy, Moriguchi-Keijinkai Hospital, Moriguchi, Osaka, Japan; 2007

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